Would you take your child out of nursery if you were me?

[Fashionista22]

My daughter started nursery at 3 years old and shes nearly 4 now, so just under a year. She's never really loved nursery and she'd always prefer to stay with me but she does go in if she sees something she's interested in. Over the past few months shes hated the thought of nursery and spends the whole week saying she doesn't want to go in.

From what I understand, the only reason is because she misses me but it's clear it's something she's more upset about recently. We've just moved house, so there's a lot of change.

She only does a 3 afternoons a week. I'm thinking of taking her out but not sure if this is the best idea as it might be harder to get her to go back, however, it might also give her a break from worrying about it. In the photo updates, she looks unhappy but when I pick her up she's usually excited and seems like shes had a fun day.

What would you do in my situation? Does anyone have any experience?

Thanks!

I think if you give up now you’ll end up with more trouble when she gives up school. If anything you might benefit from increasing her time in nursery.

How do nursery say she is when she's there?

I had this problem when my son was 3. Unfortunately it took about 3 months before I realised that he was terrified of one of the workers. Apparently she had been shouting at him . I did remove him immediately.

My dd is the same. She's been at nursery since she was 2 and at 5 still hates it.

So if she's nearly 4 will she go to school in September?

I don't think taking them out for a break would work. I think it would just make it harder to go back. Since you've just moved house I'd give it another month or so and reassess.

What do you mean by go back? Back to nursery? How long are you talking about taking her out for? If she’s got to go back at some point in the near future then I’m not sure what removing her temporarily will achieve. Other than to confuse her and mean that she’s got to settle in all over again.

My dd always disliked nursery, babysitters, school, any non mum care. In fact I feel that either way, it'll likely make little difference it's a fixed effect of I'm happier at home possibly.

That said, I'd probably leave her 3 afternoons a week as my long experience of worry is that you're better leaving routines they need to follow in place to some extent.

But I can see the temptation and personally think come school, you'll get reluctance either way given history and personality

Yeah, I'm wondering if it will make it harder for school but at the same time if I keep pushing her to go she seems to hate it more and more which might make her dislike school (she starts in 2025)

They say that she's a little upset and asking for me a lot. A few times she's cried, she asks to go home almost every time and there are a few times they say shes had a really great time. So quite mixed. But when I pick her up she's happy (though this could be cos it's nearly time to go home)

I always talk about how exciting it is, all the fun things she will do and when I'll pick her up etc. I've tried to give her a teddy to take in but she doesn't want the teddy to be upset too...not too sure what else I can do.

Is she going to school in September? If so, I'd take her out and let her enjoy her summer.

If she's got another year, I'd take her out for the summer and look for alternative provision from September.

I’d trust my gut and move to a new setting.

I had these conversations with DS when he was 3 years old, he didn’t want to go, he complained he hated it and that I was spending all the time “playing with the computer” at work, so unfair!!!. The reports from nursery said otherwise, he was happy, had friends but was just making a fuss with me trying his luck.

The thing is, your child is 3, she doesn’t have the maturity to decide whether she should attend nursery or not. Save yourself a massive amount of problems in the future by making it clear that this (as many other adult decisions) is not for her to decide.

Is she ok with any non family care? I'm trying to understand if it's a setting issue or not and if you have any other settings in mind or it's just take her out for a bit and put her back to the same place?

I'd definitely take her out. She's got one more year before she spends the next 15 having to go somewhere five days a week like it or not. Give her one last year of choosing how she spends her time in her safe place, spending time with you.

Thanks, for your replies everyone, really appreciate it

I'm not too sure of the plan really, if we did take her out then I'd probably move her to another nursery.

This is the only nursery shes been to, so don't have any other non family care to compare it to. She's generally quite needy anyway but is more than happy to go and play with her auntys for the same amount of time without me being there and doesn't seem to miss me then

It doesn't sound like you've got a lost to lose to me then - it's worth trying another setting after a break to sort if it's a general issue, because the worst case is what you've already got that she doesn't really want to go most of the time. I'd probably try and make it clear that she's going to school soon so you're replicating the summer holidays in effect.

No chance of going back to a school preschool where they follow the school term?

My dd was high needs, she's still a high needs teen and she always hated organised childcare and it's all fine in the end, I wouldn't change her. Much as I used to envy the ones that said their dc loved nursery!

I think that the nursery year before school is really worth doing for the preparation so on that basis I wouldn’t plan to keep her home indefinitely but would absolutely consider the summer at home then a move to a different nursery for September. Maybe a school nursery if you’re not too late to get a place at one? DS starts school in Sept 25 too and that’s exactly what we’re doing- he’s leaving his current term time only nursery so will have the summer off, then he’s off to the nursery attached to his future school in Sept.

My DD started Nursery shortly after we moved house and never really settled. We stuck it out for a term, then, in spite of many warnings from well meaning friends and family that we were only making things harder for school, we withdrew her. It was the best thing we could have done. Luckily we didn't need the childcare so she spent two terms at home with me then sailed happily in to school when the time came.

I’d take her out. It’s just not worth her being upset, this would show her you listen to her etc and I think make it easier going forward. I’d consider changing nurseries though. That’s what I did when mine started to hate it… they can’t always express the true reason why

I do agree with that - re not being able to express the true reason - just be wary that you cannot fix everything and kids do need to expect to go to school etc. I hope it's simply a not great setting but the reality of school is that parents can't fix it all and sometimes you do have to go and put up with an environment that is not perfect.

Maybe it's the nursery. Mine have been to 3, hated the first 2 but now thriving in the third. Shop around!

Take her out. A year is a long time to be unhappy. You really don’t know why she’s upset. It could be something she just can’t articulate. If she’s happy with other people then it’s not just because she’s away from you. Something is going on.

If you aren't using nursery for childcare so you can work take her out. Ensure they you fill the rest of the time with groups and activities so that she gets yo socialise with her peers.

When does she start school properly? If you aren't working there's no real harm keeping her out, alot happens developmentally in a short space of time at that age and having had a house move she's likely struggling a little. There's no guarantee that because she is struggling now doesn't mean she will struggle in 6 or even 3 months time.

Take her out. Kids that age are very susceptible to other kids and toys. It’s not her it’s them!

You’ve said she will spend time with family so please pull her out