My three yr old will not wee on potty or loo after 4 days in pants - not sure what to do?

[katebee]

I've been potty training my daughter for four days. Today is the 5th day. For the first 3 days we managed to get one wee in the potty. All poos and remaining wees were in her pants. Yesterday she went for 2 hrs at a stretch between wees but every wee was an accident in her knickers. So over the time we have been training she has learnt to go longer stretches between wees but is not trying to wee on the potty or loo at all (she has option of both) and doesn't seem that bothered sitting in wet pants/leggings..

Today I wondered about trying with no pants but she will not have that..so she is in a dress and knickers. At 9:30 I tried her on her potty 2 hrs after the last wee but she didn't wee and then got very distressed ..I think because she was trying to hold her wee in, not wanting to wet her oopsy daisy knickers, but needing to go. Eventually she said she was tired and wanted to go to bed so I put her in a pullup in bed and sure enough she weed in it straight away and bounced back down much happier. I have told her that she will get a chocolate button and sticker if she wees on the potty but for some reason she just doesn't want to use it.

Has anyone had a similar experience with their child? It seems as though my daughter has bladder control so is ready to be trained but I am worrying at the distress the experience is causing her. I am also having no chance to reward her due to lack of success on the potty.

Any advice much appreciated.

I've got the same thing now with dt2. I also had a similar problem with dt1 who refused to poo on the potty.

It's really frustrating, but the best thing is to leave it and suddenly it will click. The mroe you try to push it the more stubborn they get!

Eventually it jsut sort of clicked with dt1 and we made a huge thing of it, big song and dance, calling everyone on the phone and after that he didn't look back.

With dt2 I'm jsut back to waiting again.

Ds had got used to using the potty by incorporating it into getting up and bedtime routine - when we would read a book while he sat on it - so he got used to sitting on it with no wanting to get off, and also got used to using it (got a good praise) - then when we came to potty training he knew what it was for. Perhaps try again later when she's used to using potty like this?

It has taken DS 2 weeks of pants and wees on the floor to finally get it. He just wouldn't do anything. All of a sudden. it just clicked and he is away, no accidents!

Agree completely with ChopsTheDuck - had exactly the same thing with DD1 last year. I knew she had the bladder control but it was just like she wasn't quite ready herself to do it. I put her back in pull ups and then one day she suddenly decided that was it and was toilet trained within a week.
I'd give it a break and try again then (however desperate you are - aren't people a nightmare asking about it! The ages myself and DP were toilet trained at got younger I'm sure the longer it took me!)

Thank you so much chopstheduck and mistlethrush for your advice.

Chopstheduck but leaving it do you mean leaving DD in knickers and waiting for her to work it out or going back to nappies and trying again later?

Mistlethrush- Yes I think that's a good idea but DD has been in the habit of sitting on the potty before her bath for months although never does anything in it..I have kept waiting for a sign of her wanting to wee in it but as she never wanted to now she is 3 I thought I had better try pants this week (last week of her nursery hols). Sometimes particularly in the first few days she did sit for 15 mins or so on the potty while I read to her but would not wee..(apart from the 3 times mentioned)..sometimes she has sat on the potty for 10 mins while I have read, then she has got off and done a wee minutes later..I think now she is getting bored of the whole thing so doesn't even want to sit on her potty for a story..

thank you also lazypainterjane and noonit for your messages..I wonder which of your strategies will work for my daughter?! Very tempting to go back to pull ups as suggested by noonit but I wonder if my daughter would ever decide to use the loo?!! Lazypainterjane - this strategy may also work - this is how my son was trained eventually as he was still in pull ups at 3.4 with no interest in training so the nursery just said "send him in pants" and within weeks it was all sorted and no accidents since. My daughter is at a different nursery so I'm not sure if they will take her next week with constant accidents and poos in pants..will have to ring them to see.

I would go back to pull ups. They will tell you themselves when enough is enough, or jsut keep trying every few months or so, but if they don't want to do it don't bother pushing. I'll prob try dt2 again in half term.

I know how you feel! My 3 y/o daughter is determined to not use a potty or toilet. She is very bright and understands the concept of using the potty and has in the past done a couple of wees on it but now refuses to sit on it and gets very distressed when we suggest that she does. She hates having her bum changed yet describes nappies as beautiful and says she always wants to wear them. Given all this we have dropped the subject for a while but it is weighing heavily on my mind.