I'm taking out my frustration from screaming baby on my toddler

[August21yellowbaby]

I feel like I'm completely failing both my children
I have a nearly 3 month old who screams pretty much 24/7 if not being held
My two year old is such a lovely little boy but I'm not coping when he does typical toddler things, I'm going from 0-100 purely down to the fact my baby is screaming constantly
I feel severe guilt, I'm crying all the time, I'm shouting at my 2 year old AND my baby
Baby hates being in a sling, won't sleep anywhere but on me, and will scream if I even stand up to stretch my legs
Baby is on neocate milk and omeprazole, had tongue tie sorted weeks ago, I don't know what the issue is anymore and I'm just really starting to resent my baby
I would go as far to admit I wish I didn't have a second child
Because my first born has lost his mum who was happy, played all the time and read books and made his dinner together with him
I absolutely hate my life now, I'm already on antidepressants. No medication or therapy is going to fix how I feel. Only sorting this screaming out which I don't think I can do. I've spent all the money I've had saved (which wasn't a lot) on osteopath appointments and private tongue tie appointments
If someone wanted to adopt my baby right now I would pass him over so questions asked, I know that's not right but that's how I feel.

That sounds so so hard. You poor thing getting unlucky with the screaming baby. I guess maybe your first didn't have these reflux / colic issues? You couldn't have predicted things would be this difficult at this stage.

I definitely don't judge you for feeling as desperate as you do, and having feelings of regret and wishing someone else could take over. You're having an absolute nightmare. And anyone would struggle with this combination of toddler and unhappy 3 month old. It's not that you're doing it wrong.

I really hope this phase (as it is all a phase!) passes soon for you. Solid food in 3 months - maybe that will help? Have you told a kind health visitor or friend how tough things really are right now?

A screaming baby is torture – we're evolutionarily designed to find that sound incredibly hard to bear. No wonder you're finding it incredibly hard!

Do you get a break? What about baby's dad, is he taking baby for at least a couple of hours in the evening and a bigger chunk at the weekend so that you get some time just for you and your two year old and some time just for you? Is there anyone else who can help give you break, family, friends (especially if dad is not in a position to help)? How's your health visitor? Sometimes they can help you access a bit of support, an extra pair of hands for a couple hours a week.

A pair of noise-cancelling headphones can at least take the edge off (at least at times when you don't need to listening to your toddler). I watched a lot of TV with subtitles on whilst holding my second daughter as a screaming baby (but omeprazole did the trick for her).

Have you tried a more structured carrier with baby? Neither of mine were fans of the soft stretchy slings that little babies are supposed to love. How is he out and about, better, worse? I did find the screaming was at least easier to tolerate outside, so we had some lovely screaming evening walks around the local county park.

Does your two year old go to nursery/childminder at all, or are you on your own with the two of them most days?