End of paternity leave - how to navigate

[Baskyboo]

DP is back to work tomorrow after 2 weeks paternity leave. He has another 2 weeks he can use any time until baby is 1 and we thought it was best that he used only 2 weeks now and saved the rest for when we are getting out and about.

I’m looking for advice please on how to navigate the transition from having DP here to run around after me baby and dog, to having him back at work.

I’m breastfeeding baby so DP can’t really help through the night other than Bally changes (but what’s the point when I’m already up and it takes me a couple minutes). I’m thinking of shipping him off to the spare room so that he can get a good sleep so that he can be well (ish) rested for work. Is that a good idea? Will I end up resenting him?

DP has been doing most of the cooking and has been walking the dog so that all I need to do is tend to baby. Should this continue once he’s back to work?

Any advice on what worked for you would be much appreciated! Thanks

Let him sleep.

But he needs to do everything else so you can concentrate on the baby.

Go to bed early and leave the baby with him so you can at least get a few hours before he goes to bed too.

@NuffSaidSam thanks, sounds like a good compromise to me. I wasn’t sure if I was letting him away with the easy life by letting him get a good sleep. But to be honest I think I’d prefer him in the spare room so that I can watch tv during the many many night feeds without disturbing anyone!

I’m on mat leave at the moment. I d see o the majority of the nights but DH occasionally does a night feed at the weekend if it’s been a bad night, and he takes DCs down in the morning on a Saturday to let me lie in. I do the food shopping during the week as that’s easy with a baby, and we share the evening cooking as quite often I actually like a break from baby to cook. I do what housework I can magnate during the week, which is sometimes lots if it’s an easy week and sometimes nothing, and we both catch up with what’s left in the evening or weekends. We also share the nursery runs for older DC.

I think it totally depends on your relationship & you!

I’m 10 weeks postpartum now with my first baby so my husband has been back at work for 7 weeks ish now and to be honest I didn’t find it difficult at all to adjust to him being back at work, I expected it to be really hard and was so surprised.

I was doing the nights anyway mostly (breastfeeding), he sleeps right through baby crying so he still just sleeps in the bed with us but if he was waking up I’d have him sleep in the spare room so he could get a full sleep before work.

We also have a dog and we just jointly sort him out, we all walk together in the morning before he leaves for work, I walk the dog at lunchtime as I’m home anyway and the fresh air is fab for me and baby as well, and then either I take the dog for his night time walk before my husband gets home or we all walk together. I typically have our evening meal either cooker for him coming home or at least in the oven/slow cooker because with him being at work all day away from us & baby we like our evening to be quality time rather than him coming home from working all day and having to take the dog out and then cook tea.

This works really well for us, everything is done, nobody is stressed out and we have our evenings for family time.

Are you able to express? I expressed enough for 1 bottle a day. I did a last feed about 9pm (or when cluster feeding slowed down if later!) and went to bed. DH had baby, did bottle feed and resettled. That usually got me 2-4 hours solid sleep at the beginning of the night which kept me sane!

Also be aware that what helps most will probably keep changing! I remember DH coming home from work one day, house was a tip, and he told me to stay where I was and went straight to the kitchen to wash up and cook. I gave him the baby and sent him out of the kitchen - I'd been holding her for 9 hours, I wanted to wash up On My Own with the door shut!!!!!

Start with a plan that you both think will work, but don't be afraid to change things up when you need to.

I'd recommend getting DH to walk the dog before he goes to work in the mornings ( assuming no long commute? )

Yes he will continue to walk the dog in the mornings. He is actually based at home and works 8-4 but tends to work out and about from about 9.30-3ish

Different for everyone obviously, but we did similar to what people have suggested above. Husband went to work, I just focused on keeping me and baby alive, we'd have dinner when he got home, I'd go straight to bed and he'd keep baby downstairs (usually napping in a sling) for as long as possible (usually around midnight). Then he'd go off to the spare room for a sleep (so had a protected 6 hours, which he needed as is a surgeon).
Overall I got more total sleep, but he got more continuous sleep and that felt like a good compromise.

When the nights were less disturbed, I'd stay down watching telly with him in the evening whilst baby contact napped.

@Nejnej that sounds like a good compromise!

Depends on your baby - and this will change! Ours slept terribly, so we did an evening feed, then I went to bed early for a couple of hours, then took over for up/down/night feeds, then he got up early and had baby while I got another couple of hours sleep. That worked for us. Second baby spent several months in a pattern of: sleep 8-12, wake 12-4, sleep 4-8. So one of us did 12-2, the other 2-4!

If him being in the spare room works for you, go for it! Him doing all the dog walking and cooking seems like a reasonable swap for that.

Aim to be reasonably even. A good angle to approach from is that you each get similar time away from responsibilities, counting baby and work as fairly even.

Congratulations on your new baby! I am also in the same boat (DD is 13 days old) but my DP is off work for two more weeks.

I would let your partner sleep too. My husband tried staying in the same room for a few nights, and it didn’t achieve anything other than both of us being extremely tired and grumpy (arguing about doing the laundry)! Makes more sense if at least one person is functioning.

Taking the dog for a walk and maybe cooking dinner (and washing dishes) would be an amazing help, I don’t know about you but I am barely able to do anything other than feed, change nappies and sleep (sometimes). I am even typing one handed right now as baby wakes up easily when not draped on me.

It gets easier with time, just hope it will be soon.

DD2 was a bloody awful sleeper, so dh stayed up with her til midnight and then I took over, so he could get 6-7 hours sleep before work. Meant that I could get at least a short period of uninterrupted sleep. Other than that I was happy doing everything during the day

We had similar approach to others. DH did any wake ups before 0100. I would go to bed early to get a chunk of sleep and then do all night wakes. DH would then take DS in the carrier on the dog walk so I could get another hour or so sleep

Last night was the first night of DP sleeping in the spare room and I have to say it was a better night for me. The baby woke every 90 mins for a feed which is more often than usual but it didn’t feel so bad last night. I was able to have the nappy caddy and travel changing mat on DPs side of the bed meaning I didn’t need to get out of bed to change baby, I was also able to watch tv during the feeds which kept me a lot more alert than scrolling through my phone when DP was in the room.

Hopefully tonight baby sleeps for longer stretches!

I would have him sleep separately, so he can do the early mornings before leaving for work. Then you can hand over baby as soon as he gets home and take yourself off to sleep. Dh would bring them to me when they needed feeding and take them back until about 11pm/midnight, so I could get a good chunk of sleep early in the night.