AITA with SIL and Baby?

[KD1988UK]

My Baby is 10 weeks old but 4 weeks adjusted as was 6 weeks early. It’s be a very difficult start with multiple nipple infections, tongue tie, difficulty breastfeeding (I am having to breast, pump and bottle whilst clearing the infections!) and my husband has hurt his back-which he is getting sorted. Due to his back being rather bad I am doing 99% of my baby’s care and I am exhausted.

My SiL has always caused me anxiety-she’s incredibly blunt and at times disrespectful, and even a bully (she can have moments when she is lovely but it is like a ticking time bomb of when she will turn). My husband and her have fallen out multiple times throughout the years due to her behaviour. Every time I see her I worry as to what she is going to say.

She last saw my baby 4 weeks ago and is hassling us to come and visit as she wants “auntie cuddles”. She’s not once reached out to even ask how I am let alone offer to help.

The idea of her coming round with her 3 young kids and husband all day has sent me spiralling and on top of that, my baby is cluster feeding at the moment. I don’t want anyone round unless they bring me peace and actually want to help as opposed to getting their baby fix, causing me anxiety and then going home.

AITA for wanting her to stay away for the time being?

If you're not ready for her to visit, then of course she should stay away.

Can you tell her that how's not the right time for a full on visit, but suggest that you meet up at a park halfway so her kids can run around and enjoy the great weather while she gets her cuddle fix? You can then keep the meet up to a few hours (or whatever works for you) and there's less pressure.

Or just say no. That would be ok too.

Congratulations on your baby 😃

It would be nice if she asked how you are, but with three kids she's in no position to help. As much as you got a lot on your plate, She has THREE times as many children and is also probably juggling work. In those circumstances, cuddles and company is probably about all she can offer practically.

If she's causing you anxiety, and isn't someone you get on well with at the moment just put her off, at least until your husband is back on his feet. Or arrange her to come around an hour before you need to go out somewhere, so it's limited in time.

The crazy noise ans chaos from 3 kids is just her normal - she probably doesn't even think about it. When she had her 3rd, she was 24/7 into that chaos. She probably doesn't think of or get your desire for peace because it's not something even in her radar any more.

You are not being unreasonable. Your mental health is far more important than her desire for cuddles. I think it’s perfectly okay to say you’re struggling at the moment and not up for company. You’ll let her know when is a good time. If she gets funny about it, that’s on her. Any reasonable person will understand that postpartum can be a very difficult and vulnerable time.