Hi,
I’m not sure what I’m wanting to gain from this really, maybe just to get it off my chest after a bit of a breakdown tonight.
I have a three year old and am due a second in a few months time. I’m at the point where I feel completely alone and isolated in motherhood life. I adore my son but I’m far from the person I used to be and miss that side of me. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin which affects my confidence meeting people and generally just leaving the house sometimes. I have nothing/do nothing for myself anymore and I just feel so disconnected from the person I have always been.
I work part time and my days off are spent just me and son doing daily jobs/child based stuff. On maternity leave I had a friend from work with a child around the same age and we did see each other quite a lot but I went back to work somewhere new and that friendship has fizzled - not through lack of trying from my end. They have a friendship group from being young all with children the same age so they clearly don’t need me.
I go to toddler groups with my ds but I’m quite shy and I’m sure my inherited resting bitch face doesn’t help! And I feel like I’m a bit of an older mum and a lot of the other mums tend to be younger and stick together.
But I’m really starting to question if there is just something wrong with me. I don’t feel like a bad person and I’m pretty easy to get along with once I’m comfortable so I don’t know.
I grew up with a big close friendship group (our mums met at a baby group and then dads became involved too) that I grew up with and carried those friendship into adulthood but again, we barely speak now despite all having young children. I‘m sad I can’t give that same childhood to my son. Yes he will have his sibling but I loved the trips and memories from that time and it’s shame he won’t have that.
I’m absolutely dreading maternity leave this time around because I have absolutely no one to spend it with and worry the days are just going to be long and how hard it will be with two and no one to vent/pass the time with. My husband is great but works long hours so Mon-Fri it will just be me.
I have some childless friends but it’s just not the same - they don’t really have an interest is my son so that part of my life is separated from them and feel like I can’t talk about mum stuff.
Well done for getting this far. Again, not sure what I want from this. Maybe just some similar experiences.
Thanks