Shall I dump my husband just before ivf?

[mamalama86]

Right so long story short...

Married for 7 years, have a child who's 18 months after conceiving through ICSI/IVF.

We both love our son tremendously and have the following set up..

I work full time hours but condense them into 4 days so I have a Wednesday off with my son.

My husband worked half days on the other 4 days while my son is in nursery. On Wednesdays he works a full day.

So...neither of us catch a break so to speak. We have zero family or friends to support with childcare so this is what has to work for us.

My salary pays for absolutely everything. My husband's 'work' barely pays his phone bill. But, I don't complain as he looks after my son in the afternoons. That said, I'm resentful that he gets to spend time with him but also has a morning off each day (plus a full day weds) And contributes nothing to the household.

This week I said I needed a quick 15 min bath because my legs ached. His response was awful. After I had my bath he proceeded to tell me he wanted to go and have something to eat as he was starving and I should stick to the days where I was 'allowed' to have a bath.

His reasoning was that he was hungry and I get to bath twice a week (showers on the other days) and he had been with the baby alllll day (it was only 2hrs as the baby had been to nursery and then had a nap).

We didn't talk for a day.

I then brought up the subject tonight as I feel like this is a deeper routed problem than how long the other gets to have a wash.

His response was to tell me I shouldn't bring it up and all I want to do is start an argument and annoy him. We now aren't speaking again. I'm at my wits end. Is this normal? What the hell do I do???

I remember my ex timing and moaning about me having a bath. When I think about it now, I can’t believe it was like that. When you’re in a relationship like that, it can be hard to get any perspective. When you think about leaving it’s a massive thing. It’s your whole life, your home, your family. I understand @mamalama86 but I think you have to end it. 💐

His reaction is bizarre. What comes across is that you both seem to be quite stressed and financially stressed, and this routine may not really be working for both of you as well as DC. Unless both the practical and financial stressors are resolved, this is unlikely to be the right moment for fertility treatment with a view to bringing another DC with different routines and needs into the equation.

My inclination is it's not about a bath - I don't think being the predominant stay at home parent is suiting his mental health.

There needs to be a proper conversation about how labour is split between you. If he is working, his work really needs to cover the childcare. Otherwise, may as well be a stay at home parent and not foot the nursery bills. But if being at home, even half-time, that realistically has to mean that you are taking on more than 50% of the housework as well, otherwise it's not going to work.

If him being at home isn't working, he needs to get a job that contributes to the household income sufficiently that it can fund either an afternoon childminder or more nursery time.

In my view, the same applies whether you stay together or separate - either you need to find a way to both work and share childcare responsibilities, or there needs to be enough income coming in to fund more hours of professional childcare plus then running two households.

Why doesn't he pay any money towards the household when he has a job. Waiting for someone to call cocklodger.

How can he barely pay a phone bill if he works so many hours.
you obviously tried very hard for a baby so what set up did you agree to or discuss beforehand.

There is not really much information here to really answer your question, im gonna flip this to his point of view, im a sahm, i do all the night feeds, i do all the cooking, dealing with school stuff, bills (basically family secretary), dishes, laundry, majority of the housework throughout the day (OH will do a quick tidy eg pick up toys in the evening while im upstairs breastfeeding baby and settle to bed) i bath the 3 youngest kids basically i deal with the lion share of household/childcare, and it is hardwork, and i barely have time to grab something quick to eat or shower, before someone needs something or something needs doing so if your husband is as busy as i am (and i don’t work half days) i can sympathise, and honestly you could have waited 20 mins to relax in the bath while he grabbed something to eat.

Wait...... so your only allowed a bath on certain days??? I think that he should not be telling you when your allowed a bath (also you pay the gas bill I presume so have as many as you want) his behaviour is a form of coercive control. Please escape from this marriage before it escalates

In addition to everything else that’s going on … communication problems etc,

I'm resentful

Is not a good basis for introducing another child into the mix. It will only make things harder. Figure out if you want him or not.