7 year old using restaurant toilet alone

[Sparklebaby111]

Hello, please don't shoot me down, I come in peace! My 7 year son old is regularly invited to parties in public places like Goals and more recently Pizza Express. Can I ask how you feel about children, of this age using toilets unsupervised. I know most parents drop off and go, but I am concerned about him taking himself off to the toilet at these venues on his own. Any thoughts?

I think it's fine. DS2 for sure went into the men's loos on his own (well, without me!) from about 6yo. Talking places where they would be clean. PizzaExpress for example. Maybe he should be taught to tell the hosting adult that he is going to the loo so they are aware.

I let DS start going around 5.5 as he’s madly independent and in general I’m not much of a worrier. DH was still accompanying his two boys at 9 and 7 but they’re less independent and DH has anxiety. There’s really no right or wrong answer, just depends on your child and your own feelings I suppose.

If it is a party I would let him go with a friend rather than on his own.

My son always went into the toilets alone from around age 6, wherever we were. He refused to come into the Ladies. I would not worry.

My 7 year old goes into the toilets alone.

Hi thank you for replies, it's always really helpful to have the views of other parents! I'm actually OK with him going on to say a restaurant toilet on his own of one of us is standing outside the door. It's the fact that he'll be going alone, without an adult checking. Unfortunately unpleasant things can happen to children/vulnerable people in public toilets (and elsewhere), sometimes people never speak about it, we have all heard the stories, for some of us it's closer to home.
I do like the idea of him going with a friend.

Mine are 7 and 10 there is no way I would let them go by themselves.

Mine went to the loo by themselves at that age, probably younger tbh.

You wouldn't let a 10yo go to the toilet on his own? What do you do? Does he come into the ladies' with you? If so, please have a think about the fact that his female classmates might be in there.

@clary they are girls.

Ah sorry my mistake - was following the pattern of the thread. Well it's not as much of an issue with girls tbh bc let's face it, it's more often mums who are out with the DC alone. But DH did tell me to get DD used to going into toilets alone when he used to take her out for the day without me - bc men's loos are not always suitable for a 7yo. I still think a 10yo NT girl would be fine. When will you allow it out of interest?

Mine were going into town on the bus with friends in year 6 so 10-11yo. I imagine they may have needed the loo then.

@clary erm I don't really have a time frame but at the minute someone always goes with them. You don't know who's waiting in the toilets. A little boy was sexually assaulted in the tesco toilets in my town a while back and you only have to google to find out that it's happened loads of times.

Hmm, yes this would worry me a bit too. There’s a difference between him going when you’re supervising - even from a distance - and when he’s at a party with adults who aren’t necessarily fully switched on (compared to eg teachers on a school trip).

I think I’d insist on a bathroom trip before the start (we normally do anyway!) and then tell him that he has to make sure and tell the hosting adult if he’s going.

If I were hosting I think I’d send them in pairs. That’s our rule taking Beavers to camp, no one goes to the toilet alone!

This is exactly my concern. I think we all have to make our own choices as parents, but people acting like they don't know why a parent would be concerned about a 7 year old boy taking themselves off to a public loo unsupervised is beyond me. Surely we all watch/listen to the news.

There are so many stories about 7yos in toilets, I barely read anything else....

Now back in reality, let him go.

Tricky one - when we did a trampoline park party for DCs last birthday (8th) I didn’t go with them but asked them to go in pairs and gave a pretty full on “never leave a man behind” type speech 🤣
I understand the discomfort (I’d have it too) but part of them growing up and gaining independence is us learning to live with the discomfort. Statistically the chance of anything happening is very small

Thank you Ineedanewsofa
Love the sentiment!

I assume that he goes to the loo unaccompanied in school, so he can clearly manage the intricacies. If the loo is in the same venue as the party then I really can't see the issue?

Tell him to go with someone. I admit I’m hyper alert after working in the area

I think you're completely missing the point. There aren't adults also using the same loos in a school, and yes he can use a loo independently. As I've mentioned, it's a public place, not a party venue for kids - think bowling party, Pizza Express, Goals etc

I am a very laissez-faire parent by MN standards, but I did struggle with this when my boys were young. Yes, the chances of a child being assaulted in a toilet are low, but they aren't as low as people think they are, and it takes seconds to completely ruin a child's life. I stood outside the door and sent mine in together, but it still made me nervous. I would have a word with the host and ask if the kids could go in pairs, and make sure your son knows to tell the host when he needs to go and when he comes back.

I think it depends where you are. I was in Glasgow with my son at that age and was waiting for him outside the toilet at a theatre and a man beside me was really upset with me that I'd let him go in on his own. Said I should always take him to the ladies as anything and everything can and does happen. I'm very cautious now so I understand your reticence.

Thank you sprigatito, Cherubs4
It helps to know others have also had these concerns. I wouldn't describe myself as an anxious parents, DS regularly goes on play dates at friends houses after school, so I'm not one of those 'never let him out of my sight' parents, however I am vigilant when it comes to strangers.

I have girls so aware that it could be different but whenever we have had these sort of situations there is never just one of them wanting to go, if one declares they need to go to the loo at least another two end up going at the same time

@Sparklebaby111 exactly. I know the risk of this sort of thing happening is low but I would rather not take that risk for the sake of being lazy. Two 6 year old girls were assaulted on play equipment at Legoland while their parents were standing waiting for them a few years ago.