Painfully shy toddler

[Mummymoo23]

Hi all. I’m a mum to a 4 year old little girl. She’s a kind, well behaved little girl but she’s so shy however I’m not sure if this is normal behaviour of a little girl her age with all her development. Such as her uncles and granddad when she interacts with them she can be super confident and sassy then the next she’s really shy and not wanting to talk. It’s the same with my partner one week she can be chatty and the next she’s so quiet. She has lots of friends at school but if she ever sees them outside of school she’ll hide behind me and not say hello even if they do to her and I try encourage her too. When we at swimming lessons all the children were playing on this big float and her teacher tried to get her on and she just burst out crying and wouldn’t join in. I embrace her for who she is and so do family. I do get the odd comment from the older generation such as oh is she in a mood again which irritates the life out of me! Is this a common thing for children her age? I just worry that she’ll miss out on friendships and fun things because of it.

My 4 year old boy is exactly the same, he can be super chatty and confident but then also extremely clingy but it's just his temperament and I now try and embrace it.

It seems common for kids this age to ignore each other when they see each other out and about my DC and his friends all seem to be like this.

That gives me some reassurance, children are strange 😂

Hello, my daughter was diagnosed with Asd while she was at nursery she is now 10
what is your daughter like when she is left at nursery and what is her behaviour like when she is home from nursery. Was her milestones meet as a baby What’s is she like with certain lighting smells and clothing my daughter is now 10 and she still won’t say hello. Goodbye. Please. Thank you or I love you girls are great at masking while in school so they don’t stand out from there peers where as boys aren’t so good at masking. I call my daughter a fizzy pop bottle. She keeps the lid on all day but being shook up then once home to her safe space she releases the lid and explodes my son is also diagnosed Asd and he isn’t good at masking. Both there eye contacts are not great even with me and there dad. You will probably get from school when asking how her day has been “ oh she has been great she has had a lovely day “. But then your daughter tells you the opposite my daughter won’t have any friends at school where as my son has 1. Each child with Asd is different no 2 are the same It’s a very lengthy process getting a child assessment for ass so if you believe she has it start the ball rolling now because she will need extra support when in full time school. Your her mom and you know her best if you believe she has it go with your instincts if she don’t have it at least you was covering all aspects of you need any more advise on symptoms etc please ask

I’m also new to this page so can some please tell me what DD. DS and DC stands for. I was introduced to this site by my child’s Pedatrician

It's completely normal for a 4-year-old to exhibit fluctuating levels of confidence and shyness. Children at this age are still learning how to navigate social interactions and may feel comfortable with familiar people while being reserved around others or in new situations. Your daughter's behavior sounds like she's just expressing her personality and comfort levels. It's important to continue offering encouragement and support without pressuring her. Many children grow out of their shyness as they develop social skills and gain more confidence. Keep embracing her unique qualities, and try to ignore the comments from others. She’ll find her own pace.

It's fine.

2/3 of mine were shy, especially at that age. They are older now and have their tribes, they definitely aren't in the 'popular' group and that's fine for them.

My middle child was so shy at one point I was worried it was selective mutism. She is just very watchful and takes time to form opinions of people.

When people used to say "oh she's shy" I used to say "she just takes a while to warm up" or similar.

It's a shame to label a child as a certain way as they are different in different situations, at different ages etc.

Plus even if you are 'shy' or quiet then it shouldn't be seen as a negative thing.

It can be hard on quieter kids with extrovert parents and the other way around.
But some of the best people are the quiet ones.

DD - Daughter:Darling Daughter
DS - Son/Darling Son
DC - Child/Darling Child

There are many more but you'll work it out 😂

My daughter did this. She got a selective mutism diagnosis first then later on, an ASD diagnosis.
With mutism, it’s situational. It can appear to have no rhyme or reason because one minute they can be chatty and another not. But there id always a reason. It could be who they’re speaking to, whether their friend is with other friends or not, their location, the time they arrived at a party e.g. too early if too late, their mood which has been influenced by other factors that day, something in that moment spooked them, needing warm up time.

😂 thank you 😂

Selective mutism is also something my daughter has. Forgot to mention that

I always describe DD1 as 'feeling shy' rather than 'being shy' in these situations (and at five, she will now tell me herself that she is feeling shy). I think that way we're not saying it's who she is, it's just a feeling that can change like any other feeling. That also fits with it being variable – we don't feel the same every day and in every place, for a whole variety of reasons.

I’m not 100% sure she has autism. At nursery she has a good social group, is happy to go to parties and will just run off to play. She’s never struggled with speech and development, always hit her milestones. We were out the other day and saw her friend from school and smiled and wave which sound silly brought a tear to my eye and I was so so proud! I think in time she’ll come into her own. After speaking to my mum i was painfully shy when I was younger, would never look people in the eye. Now it’s a different story 😂😂 I’m just a worrier x

I do always reassure her is ok to feel the way she does and to do things in her own time. I don’t think lockdown helped either with the lack of social interactions x

Sounds like she is just shy and figuring out how to express her feelings and shyness