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Parenting

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Original poster

Mad to have a 5 year age gap?

41 replies

BlossomMill · 28/06/2024 13:17

I have a 5 year old boy and a 4 year old girl, there are 17months between them. Youngest is starting reception in September and eldest will be going into year 1.
Are we mad for thinking about having another baby? Will the age gap just be too much of a pain? 4 & 5 year old are very much into similar things and can play nicely together although there is a lot of sibling rivalry where they are so close in age. If we did have another are they just going to feel left out alot? aahhh how do you know if you are done having more babies?

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Original poster

BlossomMill · 29/06/2024 06:11

Beautifulbythebay · 28/06/2024 22:28

Another 2 close together? 4 was easier than 3....

This had definitely crossed my mind! I said it would be easier to have a set of twins at this point so at least they would grow up with each other 😅

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Original poster

BlossomMill · 29/06/2024 06:16

SlipperyLizard · 28/06/2024 22:57

I was chatting to a mum the other day who has 21 months between her first two then 5 years for the next one, the youngest often feels left out as the older two are so close.

I think if you have one then another 5 years later it is very different to having two close in age then a third. There’s no way the third wouldn’t feel left out/be an annoyance to the older two.

This is my biggest fear and the only reason I doubt having another one, I’m just so worried they would never catch up and always be two young for the older two to play with or get along with and feel like it would last up until they are in their 30s tbh, it worries me and will be the reason I don’t end up going for it I think :(

OP posts:

Whatsnormalhere · 29/06/2024 06:26

I don’t think 5 years is TOO big of a gap but it really depends on if you want to go back to all the baby stages again, being nap trapped multiple times a day and waking up all night long….

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Twolittleloves · 29/06/2024 07:07

AuraBora · 28/06/2024 22:16

Did you always want to have three children or is it a recent urge to have another?
DH and I always thought we wanted just one and then when she was getting close to 4 we decided we wanted another...
Absolutely adore our second child as well as our first and glad we had a second but in all honesty I think this kind of age gap can be very limiting.
Although they get on OK I don't think they will ever properly play together - their needs and interests are very different, it makes family days out quite hard and often we tag team with one each as it makes it easier.

In your position I don't think I'd go for another but really only you can decide.
I also think you may well need to limit what you can do with the elder two quite a lot by having a third who will be much younger.

It could put a strain on your marriage too as you will be much more split in terms of looking after the different needs. Something to think about..

I have found a different experience to this, mine are 7 & 2.5 (have a 4.5 year age gap) and since DD1 was 18mths-ish they play together lots, although DD1 has a very playful, young personality still and they are both girls which may make a difference.

Urbanliving · 29/06/2024 07:12

Mine are 11 and 8 and there is a three year gap. There are now times that age gap is getting tricky, things like what movies to watch as the elder has outgrown what the younger wants, and when we are out too, the elder is outgrowing what the younger wants.

I am glad we don’t have a bigger gap and sometimes wish it was smaller even though that would have been hard when they were younger.

Galliano · 29/06/2024 07:23

I have the distribution you are contemplating DS1 was 6 and DS2 5 when DD was born. We had a few challenges when DD was very small about compatible activities but that was the only real downside. At the risk of stereotyping I think the B, B, G dynamic worked well as boys were much slower to grow out of willingness to do stuff than DD was so would do holiday activities as teens etc whereas if 14 year old DD had had a 9 year old brother she might have been less cooperative! She’s been cherished by her brothers since the day she was born and still is at 28, 27 and 22. They elect to spend time together at every opportunity despite living fairly far apart.

sparkles79 · 29/06/2024 07:56

I have a 4 year 9 month ago gap between mine and it's been perfect.

ErrolTheDragon · 29/06/2024 08:47

@Galliano - I suspect you may be right about the 'B, B, G' dynamic, though obviously depends on the individual characters.

Original poster

BlossomMill · 29/06/2024 09:43

Galliano · 29/06/2024 07:23

This is so wonderful ❤️

OP posts:

Babbahabba · 29/06/2024 12:25

Pros and cons with small and large gaps. I don't think of 5 years as a big gap. 10 years between mine and it's been fine overall.

dinomirror · 29/06/2024 12:27

Lol if 5 years is a large age gap then my 17 year age gap must be huge😭

SonicTheHodgeheg · 29/06/2024 12:33

I have 3 kids and my oldest and youngest have a 5 year age gap. They are now young adults and my experience is that there have been periods where the age gap didn’t matter (they got along well) and others when the age gap seemed massive. Tbh I think that it would be the same if the gap is smaller because some ages (thinking early secondary in particular) are when they are more self centred naturally anyway.

More people commented on the sex. My middle is the only girl and I had comments asking if I’d try for another girl. She’s at uni and says that there were times that she would have liked a sister but now she feels that being the only girl is a good thing.

SonicTheHodgeheg · 29/06/2024 12:34

I read on here that over 5 years or under 18 months is best for reducing the likelihood of sibling rivalry.

Simonjt · 29/06/2024 12:42

Our two have a 6.5 year age gap, it works well for us as our son was fairly independent when his sister moved in, it also reduced sibling rivalry. They’re now just turned 9 and 2.5, they get on well, he’s a fab big brother and enjoys playing with her, helping her up ladders etc at the park. Obviously when he is a teen things will change, but it isn’t too difficult to have different days out etc.

maw1681 · 29/06/2024 12:43

It would be the same gap as me and my brothers, 18m between me & DB1 then 4 years between DB 1&2. We all got along fine as children and are still close, age gap between brothers feels like nothing now that they're in their 30s. I adored my youngest DB he was like a real life doll!
If it feels right for your family do it!

DancefloorAcrobatics · 29/06/2024 12:46

I have a 6 year age gap between mine (ok 5 years 11 months and 2 days precisely!) 🤣

Mine have a great relationship and while it's hard in the primary school years as they have different needs intrest it's become a lot easier once younger DC hit secondary school.

Financially it's made huge sense for the teenagers. They were able to get top gadgets, trips with clubs ect at certain milestones without having to supply everything x2 in short succession and breaking the bank.
Downside is (entirely our choice!) DH is 61 and has a 14 year old ... and I am not far behind and would like a quieter life... especially since DC1 has started uni and is almost independent.

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