Coalescing parents - how did you transfer to own cot?

[LucyEleanorModeratz]

Hello wise mums

I have an 8 month old DD, with whom I have co slept from birth. It happened almost by accident (she made weird choking noises as soon as we put her in the cot) but I’ve actually loved it. I have followed the seven safe rules at all times.

The last few heatwave nights have been grim with my DH on one side and a sweaty baby on the other, and I’d like her to go into her own cot. I’d also like to stop BFing and I know that’s one of the ‘seven safe rules’ so it’s best to do them at the same time.

question is … how did you co-sleepers successfully transition to cot?

I sleep trained my eldest when he was 9 months as he was a truly horrendous sleeper, but he’s now a very anxious 4 year old where sleep is confirmed (confident and extroverted in other areas of life) and I’ll always wonder to what extent sleep training contributed to that. So I’d like to avoid sleep training if possible.

She’s an incredibly clingy baby (hates being so much as picked up by anybody she doesn’t know, not mad on it even if she does know them unless it’s me or DH) and I fear it’s not going to be an easy ride.

Any tips welcomed x

I wouldn’t be quick to put your 4yr olds sleep anxiety down to sleep training. I did sleep training with my twins at the same time – one is now super laid back about sleep and bedtimes and the other tries to stay awake at all costs. The good thing about having twins is it becomes very clear that you can do very little to alter your child’s temperament and personality, save for extremes such as abuse or neglect etc – they simply are who they are.

Anyway – I would start by putting the cot in your room and transitioning her there first. It will require a lot of picking her up and putting her down again – repeatedly. The tough part comes in when you’re out of your mind with tiredness and would do anything to just go to sleep. But remember then that all that hard work will have been for nothing, and keep going. Once she’s comfortable with sleeping in her own space – for naps and nights – then put the cot in her own room. Sleep with her in that room for all/part of the night if she kicks off again and repeat the process.

It’s perfectly fine to co-sleep with an older baby or toddler without bf. It’s very different to a very young baby when you are sleep deprived. Lots of children co-sleep well into early primary school and obviously aren’t still bf.

Me personally, I think having them sleep in their own room isn’t necessarily the key to a good night’s sleep for you. It’s a lot of up and down throughout the night. So if bf is working to settle, I wouldn’t make these changes at the same time. You’ll need the things you know work to smooth through the transition, But I do think this is a really good time to get your dh involved in doing the settling. Especially because you’ll likely be getting less sleep initially.

There isn’t really one strategy that works though. I think it’s just about creating a new routine and that can be anything. You may also consider creating a better sleeping space in your room that gives you all work space. I definitely didn’t find this age was even the roughest for sleep, so you may find having flexibility to co-sleep helps a lot in the future, especially if are going back to work and can’t lose out on sleep.

We are currently in the process, we went straight to a cot in to another room (sharing with toddler brother) and we have a single bed in there too. I feed to sleep as normal, then transfer to cot and leave. At first she was waking 3-4 times, now she's down to 2 and sometimes even 1.

Sometimes she struggles to go back in her cot after a night feed, and then I just go in the bed with her (I can't cope with the sleep deprivation these days).

It's slow progress but I think we're getting there, I've started introducing rocking as a means to soothe as a means to eventually cutting out night feeds and rocking to comfort instead.

I'm following for others ideas too!

Gosh that last bit was a garbled mess, sorry 😂