I'm 33 years old. I've always been an angry person and I let it get the better of me. I'm calmer now I'm older, but I still get very angry sometimes.
For context - my 1 year old little girl has been struggling with the heat the past two days. DH has been in London so I've been solo parenting. Yesterday morning she was up at 6:30 (she normally wakes up at 8/8:30ish) so this had already made her tired. She was non stop whinging and extremely needy for the whole day from the moment she woke up. I tried my hardest to keep her happy and entertained throughout the day. Evening time comes around and her bedroom is like a sauna so I gave up trying to get her to go to sleep (she was sweaty and upset) and bought her downstairs. I eventually came up to bed, tried once more to get her down in her room but it didn't happen so I decided to bring her into bed with me and she was just messing about the whole time, walking around the bed, messing with stuff on the bedside table. It was like this for a good 45 minutes and I just lost it, I grabbed her and said will you just go to sleep in a really angry tone. It made her cry, it made the situation worse and I felt like the worst mum in the world after I did it.
I even checked her body this morning to make sure she had no marks from me grabbing her (she didn't have any).
I just need to know if this is abnormal and do I need to get help? Am I a terrible mother? I can suppress my frustrations for so long but then it just explodes out of me and I can't control it. I wish I could recognise when it's going to happen so I could walk away but I just don't know how to.