I'm probably not going to do a good job of explaining myself.
I left abusive ex when DS3 was a baby. He is still entitled to 50 50 contact so that's what he has.
He seems to clam up when he starts talking about things there. Like he went on holiday, and he'll say something about swimming so I'll respond in a positive way like "Oh that sounds like alot of fun, we're there lots of slides in the pool" and he might start talking about it but then clam up like he thinks he's not allowed to tell us.
His dad has just has a baby, he doesn't talk about it, and just ignores the conversation if I bring it up. I try not to push it or make him feel like he's being interviewed but I'm trying to let him see that he can talk about things with me and his emotions are safe.
He's told us that "dad says it's a secret" "I'm not allowed to tell mummy" about minor things. I praise him for telling me, tell him I'm not mad at him or daddy but that's its very important that he tells me about any adults asking him to keep secrets. But he seems so upset that he's told me.
So I've been worrying about whats happening there. But then nursery have said he's the same about us when he's there, he natters away to everyone when he's with us about everything, holidays, days out, our pregnancy, he seems very happy and talkative but apparently responds the same way at nursery when they talk about those things.
So it's like he's compartmentalised home, dad's, nursery and doesn't feel safe talking about them and it really scares me that that's a sign of some serious emotional distress. I feel incredible guilt that I brought him into such a situation and caused this but I'm devastated that it might be already affecting him so much. I've tried so hard to provide a stable secure safe home.