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Parenting

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How to stop sons dad having contact.

6 replies

Secretsurvivor · 24/06/2024 21:48

Ok, hear me out!!
my child’s dad in a VERY violent man. His criminal record is as long as my arm, however when it come to his kids he was always very nurturing. HOWEVER, things took a turn for the worst when his two elder children cut him off for being so controlling when they were 16 and 18. They have kept their distance even still, now. Things were obviously going on that I did not know about. But by the time they cut him off I was pregnant with our son. He was always quite controlling with me but nothing to ever scare me, at this point.
when pregnant he stepped his game up a little with outbursts that were really quite horrible. He threw “an empty bottle” at me which really stung my eye and made it swell instantly and then give me a black eye. He threw a rubbish bag at me which went all over me, made me sleep on the couch, threatened to kick me out etc. anyways, when baby came he got even worse. He was screaming infront of my child, scaring him and making him jump and cry, my child was settled in bed and he would come in turning the light on screaming saying “fuck the pair of use sleeping i need clothes out of my wardrobe” when he was in a mood. He would always get angry when my son would cry and say he could not stand the noise. HIS OWN CHILDS CRY FOR COMFORT!!!!
If I was in the bath he would come bring my son upstairs put him in the cot and leave him to cry and go back downstairs so I had to get out and sort him out. Which I didn’t mind I love to comfort my son when he is upset he is a mummy’s boy BUT how dare him leave my son in distress!!!!
He was very very very horrible to me and really a rubbish dad to our son when together. Now I have proof and evidence of alot worse than this but I want to know, is this enough to even stop him from seeing my son? Usually I’m against stopping father contact but I do not want him teaching my son his ways. I dread to think he may turn out like his dad if he does see him. I cannot trust this man to take CARE of my son when he doesn’t even like his cry. he doesn’t know how to take care of him.
He’s a horrible narc and I just want him to leave us alone. Since leaving him he has said he doesn’t want to see my son but I feel that will soon change as he gets older and he might find him more “manageable”. He was really abusive to me when we were together and I have lots and lots of screenshots and videos from the ring door. However I was told if I go to the police I would regret it as bad things would happen.
I do not want this person anywhere near my son or me. What can I do please??? As I said so far so good he has left us the heck alone but I really want to make it formal that he HAS to. I love my son and I would do it all on my own and want him to be safe at all times and that means him with me 100% of the time. Any sensible advice would be welcome please. Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 24/06/2024 21:50

I think you need to report this to the police.

Secretsurvivor · 24/06/2024 21:59

GrazingSheep · 24/06/2024 21:50

I think you need to report this to the police.

He said if I do I’d regret it

OP posts:
MooseBeTimeForSnow · 24/06/2024 22:05

You can’t go to court for an order for no contact. You can only say no to him if he asks and then he has to apply to the court for an order for contact, which you can oppose.

With hindsight, you should have reported him to the Police each and every time. That way there would be a paper trail/record.

Justcallmebebes · 24/06/2024 22:06

Can you move far away? I agree that you need some sort of professional support

MotherofChaosandDestruction · 24/06/2024 22:10

Secretsurvivor · 24/06/2024 21:59

He said if I do I’d regret it

They always say that. They can just log it for you, they don't tell him you've done it.

HarrietSchulenberg · 24/06/2024 22:46

Firstly, is he named as the father on the birth certificate?
Secondly, if he's not having contact at the moment then you need to be prepared to say no if he asks for it. Force him to go to court to request it.
Consider moving so he doesn't have your address as it's another hoop for him to jump through.
As others have said, you really need to report the violence you experienced to the police to get it logged. Have you had any support yourself? You can request this through your local social services - google your council's name plus domestic violence.

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