Routines when you've got two

[CasaMundi]

I've got a 4 year old DD (starting reception in September) and a 1 year old DS. All is great on nursery days - they both get the stimulation and routine they need. Weekends also not too bad - we have to decide whether to divide and conquer or let one's needs slide a bit for family time. My difficulty is on my days off during the week. DD needs lots of exercise, stimulation and activity. DS really needs a 2 hour nap, otherwise we find he is miserable and then wakes multiple times over night and is hard to settle. This would all be fine, except he falls asleep within 10 minutes of being in the car or the pram after about 9.30am. I can't drive for 2 hours every day to get him a car nap, I never manage to transfer him successfully and he won't sleep for longer than 40 mins in the pram. It feels like I can't meet both their needs. I either have shouty tired boy or climbing the walls bored girl. I appreciate it's not going to go on much longer as my DD will go to school, but did anyone face this problem and what did you do?

Find something suitable for 4 Yr old where you can drop off.

Full time nursery for the eldest. Then holiday clubs when she broke up for summer (school nursery).

I sympathise, we're in the sane boat!

We try to get out early. If walking we use the trike instead of the pram. If in the car I bring toys, sing etc to try to keep 1yo awake.

Then usually back for lunch and nap at home. 1:1 time at home with 4yo during nap time for games etc that 1yo would destroy if awake.

Then back out again after nap.

If unavoidable to have a longer journey, try to have a decent nap in the car/ pram on the journey out (to avoid a late nap on the way back). On those days 1yo doesn't get such a good nap, but that's the price we pay sometimes.

2 short naps instead of one long nap on none nursery days for the 1 yo? It’s what I do with same age gap!

Will DS transfer from car onto you?

I used to manage by planning dance class/jiggy wrigglers/role play village in the morning where I can leave 4yr old to use energy while holding 1yr old in carrier from car.

Thank you for the replies - it's a real problem getting my daughter to take part in drop off things. She manages OK for nursery though we still have tears sometimes, 2.5 years since she started there! I don't think 2 short naps works at all - he just doesn't seem to get the rest he needs. I think the only workable options are to stay in til after his nap or accept he will be overtired. It's no exaggeration to say any time he's in the car or pram after 9.30 he will sleep. I can't manage getting them both up, out to an activity and home by 9.30. Irritatingly I really don't think it's that he needs a nap that early - he'd never go to sleep that early unless on the move!

She's 4 year old, old enough to understand when you explain her brother needs a 2 hour nap so she needs to play at home/quiet time, then in the afternoon you'll take her out for something.

Thanks @Youcancallmeirrelevant I actually really don't think her behaviour is unreasonable. She'd be perfectly fine to play at home for a couple of hours for his nap. The problem is that I can't seem to take him out in the morning without him falling asleep. To get the day to work for him we'd need to stay in til lunch, then he naps til 2.30ish and only then can we got out. To me that's asking a lot for a 4 year old to do multiple times a week.

What can you do at home in the morning to meet her need for activity and stimulation? I'd be inclined to try staying home in the morning, at least a couple days a week, but with a couple of activities in mind to try to keep her busy and engaged.

For exercise, have you got a garden? Bike/scooter in the garden (or up and down your street whilst DS potters down the street with you, depending on your street and how reliable she'd be about staying on the pavement)? Puddle jumping when raining? Mini trampoline? Garden or indoor obstacle course? Dance party? Kids' yoga? If you give DS a snack in the buggy, does it buy you any time? Enough, say, to get to/from the nearest play park?

For stimulation, what is she in to? Small world play? Messy/sensory play? There's quite a lot that is taste-safe, so DS could join in as well. Building with blocks/lego/magnetic tiles? You can look up lots of ideas for all of the above, lots of them with minimal prep. If she likes crafts or jigsaws, perhaps try to get a few new bits in, then you have those in reserve for morning where you really need it.

If you dig up some of the lockdown threads, you'll find lots of ideas and lots of commiserations.

If you really feel he does best with a 2 hour nap at home I'd just stay at home and all head out afterwards. Do you have a garden? There's a lot you can do at home, but a garden does help.

How many days is she in nursery? If it's 3 days say, and weekends are sorted, 2 days spending the morning at home is doable.

Have a solid routine for those days. Get her involved in making the breakfast, spend some time in the garden together, do crafts/puzzles/play with toys, build dens etc, but also give her time to just potter about and play by herself too. Then when wee one is napping snuggle up with your daughter and watch a movie together.

The rest of the afternoon get out to the park or something like that.

Why can't you just do 1 year olds nap in the morning? Both my kids at that age would nap 2-3hrs after waking. Best time for them to nap as their body still has some sleep hormones so they should have a good quality nap, if he's falling asleep when you go out at that time that means he wants to sleep, so put him upstairs in his cot for a nap

I had this age gap and it’s tricky at times! Would or could a change in bedtime help? Or some stimulating stuff for car journeys or pram time? I also found this time difficult because as soon as you’ve cracked the routine their needs change! I don’t think I have great advice but wanted to reassure that these nap logistics get easier x

Same age gap this time two years ago, although the 1 year old had started nursery and had transitioned to one long nap. Maybe mix up mornings at home with trying to leave before 9.30, and maybe try and break the journey up when you're going somewhere (e.g. we walked to playgroup via a park), or maybe look into getting the bus - DS could sit on your lap and hopefully stay awake. Then once you leave an activity it's fine if he sleeps in the pram on the way home/at home and gives you time with DD before DS wakes up again. If you're only trying to leave early a couple of times a week it might feel doable to get things ready night before or do things a bit differently in the morning - I guess it depends what the challenges are. Good luck - it's difficult balancing their different wants/needs x