Is this PPA/PPD? Feel like uprooting our whole life!

[Wingingitmum11]

4.5 months PP and struggling more than ever.
I sit and think why am I finding this so difficult with one baby (who I love so much) but others have multiple kids, working, hobbies, exercise daily etc!

I do get us out the house everyday and I am staying on top of things at home reasonably ok . Partner contributes and helps alot .

lately I feel...

1. feeling of dread and that something bad is going to happen . No necessarily to the baby but to my partner or my parents etc.
2. Not feeling happiness or joy from things I did
3. Excessive negativity , irritability and bursting into tears ALOT
4. Occasional suicidal thought of what if I just went away everyone would be better

evenings are quite bad as baby still wakes quite abit so I just fear what kind of sleep I will get. I do night feeds in the week and partner goes half/half at the weekend and I get a lie in. He gets up at 4am at the moment for work.

we don't live near family (another country!) and have a really lovely life , lovely home , good jobs but I keep getting this urge to uproot our whole life just to move near my mum and make it easier (mad I know as it's a big move and I don't particularly like our hometown or want that long term) but my mind is just in the pits.
I am lucky I have seen my mum a lot this year and she has a trip coming up but then she will have to leave again and I'm back to work!

not sure point of writing but wondered should I seek help, is this normal??!

Ah op, yes absolutely and completely normal. But that doesn't mean you need to put up with it either. You need to speak to your health visitor or gp to get support.

I felt similarly, constant intrusive thoughts, fear of going out incase something bad happened, sometimes just a feeling of dread and panic without being able to put a finger on why, worrying about dh and my health and ds and his health. It was exhausting. Best thing I did was speak to my health visitor and gp, they were so reassuring and truthfully it's only now I'm back to work and 1.5 yrs pp I can see how much it actually affected me.

I found lack of sleep massively triggered it (even now) so sleeping when you can, getting breaks, connecting with people, light exercise and good food are important. Counselling also helped me and i kept a record in my phone of all my small wins so when i had a day where i felt like I'd failed ds it helped me to look back on the things I'd got right or that had gone smoothly.

You're not alone, you're doing amazing, you're finding parenting tough because it IS tough and hormones are powerful. You deserve to get support to feel better.

@Lavender14 thank you so much.

i feel like my negative thoughts are eating me from the inside out and yes the lack of sleep is so so so triggering!!!

I use to suffer insomnia so I was use to lack of it but I could obviously chill/do nothing to rest after work etc pre-kids! Now there's no catching up!!