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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Co-parenting - me taking the children to see their father?

3 replies

MissMJMummy · 23/06/2024 22:25

Hello, I've been split from my abusive, very slyly controlling children's father for 3 years. I have an FL401 against him that he ignores and frankly isn't worth the paper its written on or the heartache it took to get. Ive moved 200 miles away from Surrey to Devon. He has been making the trip down here once a month - missing anything in June. Now he wants me to take them all the way and collect them. I have no problem doing this as I know the children will have a fun journey and not one targeted at "mummys moved a long way a way" very sly digs etc.

What rights do I have here? I mean, i want my children to see their dad and there is that element of guilt for moving away and making that side of things difficult. He wasn't the only reason i moved; its for a slower pace of life, in the country and a life away from that fast paced city life growing our own food etc.

Is it worth getting a court order? We tried mediation and i got a c100 however the times passed as i was immersed in the FL401 at the time. No doubt id have to do that again? He told mediation to "f off" so I'm sure that won't be a problem. The fl401 is up in sept. I'm really dubious to go to court - it felt very much a mans world and one where my side wasnt heard at all - paperwork was missing and they kinda sided with him. They were even letting him swear at me?! I wasnt present, he was - i was on video link.

Going through all that again - is it really worth it, would it make him come to me to pick them up or a more fairer arrangement? Would they "make" him see the children twice a month to create a bit more stability?

I've tried everything and I'm ok with driving but i still cant plan much of anything - and I'm not sure why I'm facilitating this relationship?!

I'm not sure whats expected of me?!

OP posts:
goatstrings · 23/06/2024 22:38

Can you both meet halfway?

LittleOwl153 · 23/06/2024 22:41

It all sounds tough OP.

I don't know whether it is worth getting the order in your circumstances.

As primary parent the order will require you to make the children available for a visit with their father- it will not require him to turn up / have them. And if he doesn't show one week, you'll still have to make them available for the next one.

What an order will give you is things like a lives with order. This leans he must return them to you if he dies have them. It means you can take them overseas for limited periods on holiday without needing his permission etc. You can also include things like school choices, health consents etc. If those are likely to be an issue. You can also include who makes/pays for the trip(s) for visits. Be aware he can ask cms to deduct costs from any maintenance paid.

RandomMess · 23/06/2024 22:43

If you do all the travelling when do you get your down time?

You need to think how you will feel in 5 years if you still have to drive to drop and collect monthly, the impact on your work etc.

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