Possible autism birthday party toddler ideas

[2under3parent]

I’m looking for ideas for my child’s birthday ‘party’. She’s turning 3 and has a 1 year old sibling born that week so it will be joint.

We’re currently awaiting some review around possible sen/possible sensory issues. She seems to get very overwhelmed with other children and sometimes adults in certain social settings.

Could someone please help with any suggestions 😅

Are you wanting a party for her, or a family gathering? If it’s one for her then don’t do a joint one, give her her own and invite a few close friends of hers to do something like a party tea with biscuit decorating at your house, or hire a mini soft play for your garden, something where there won’t be any other kids other than her friends.

It sounds like a small invite list is a must.

Personally I didn’t do parties until my kids went to school and had real friends. Until then I took them on days out and kept it simple.

I would skip the party and just do a nice day out somewhere she will enjoy.

My friendship group have just paid for everyone to go to soft play for a few hours for the last few parties. Group of 4 adults and 7 kids. Pay for everyone's entry and everyone gets their own food from the cafe. Kids have fun adults get to chat and don't spend too much money.

However if this would cause overload I'd suggest bouncy castle in the garden with a buffet and some family.

Yeah we might try this! Possibly without going ott on the group side of things. Like a discreet birthday party.

I suggested a bouncy castle here for just them and her fave family members but we’ve just moved and my husband isn’t keen 😂 I was even contemplating a tiny venue we could do that at, but thought it would be a bit overkill

Small small guest list - my rule was 1 child per birthday age. But as it’s joint that isn’t helpful.
Honestly I’d just do something with the two of them - nearby farm at a quiet time. And the. Celebrate at home just family.
A party sounds like a lovely idea but if she has sensory issues and no firm friends it’s likely to cause more stress and a relaxed low key celebration is more likely to suit her.

I think with our littlest one it’s more that she’ll be there in a birthday dress than anything else! But yeah I’m thinking maybe we just rearrange. Was just hoping maybe someone in a similar scenario has a fab thing that had worked but I’m being unrealistic I think. Lots of friends keep asking and I’m letting the stress get to me. Definitely needs to be more what doesn’t upset her and she loves

Good ideas here. I’d set up expectations really early here that there are two distinct events even if they are both quiet or small, one for each child unless they were born on the same day.

Mine love physical activities, bouncy castle, soft play, throwing games, paddling pool and messy play. Pinata was hugely popular but I think she saw it on telly. Bubbles are brilliant, I would say get a machine if you haven't already got one.

Have fruit, popcorn and crackers available throughout the party, then just bring out junk food for a short amount of time.

No music and keep the lighting chilled. Have space where you can leave the party. Don't make them say goodbye to everyone. I'd avoid party games, they are pretty tough for three year olds to follow. My suggestion would be don't sing happy birthday or do any of the traditions that singles them out. We would blow out candles privately before and after the party.

Have an adult assigned to watch them 100% of the time so you can focus on hosting the party and they still have someone to scaffold them.

For my son's 4th birthday we had his first "party" which was one friend from nursery and another from our NCT group. They ran around the house with balloons, played with toys, decorated biscuits. We did pizza and a cake, enough for their parents too. 11am till 1ish and was just enough, they had a blast. He wants the same for his 5th birthday. Exactly the same 🤣

Until then we just had a day out just the 3 of us then cake with my parents and brother.

Thank you that’s really helpful. Think you e entirely nailed it, it’s literally anything with concentrated attention on her/sometimes indirectly. Yesterday we went to quite a large party and when we sang happy birthday (she absolutely loves singing it at home) to the birthday girl in a group she seemed petrified.
thanks so much

We didn't until he was old enough to ask for one. Experience of friends parties were that he'd just hide so what was the point. And for the 1 yo we'd have just done a small family tea-party in different circs so that's all I'd do. Get her favourite adults to come round for sandwiches and cake, let her sing happy birthday to herself is that's what she wants and just chill.
Re friends just say you're not doing a proper party as she doesn't enjoy them, but perhaps you could get together at the park etc over the weekend for a catch up

Birthday parties are only fun if the person it’s for enjoys it. Ds is 12 and was diagnosed with autism aged 2.5 and any sort of party or social gathering is his idea of hell, so he’s never had one. He has presents, nice food, whatever he wants to do on the day - as he’s got older it’s a day off school (so it’s quiet) and a trip to the zoo etc.

My 4 year old does not like attention on him at all (unless it’s dancing around the living room to us!) He has already said we are not allowed to sing happy birthday to him at his 5th party! A big party with all attention on him would be his worst nightmare so we currently stick to small family gatherings in the garden with food/drink, sometimes a bouncy castle to make it a bit more special.

I wouldn’t do a birthday party automatically if you think he wouldn’t enjoy it. Keep it small and simple. I’ve been to a number of bigger birthday parties where the birthday boy/girl got upset or didn’t want the attention on them and were clearly not enjoying it! I anticipate we may move onto days out with a few select close friends for future parties.

Putting aside the potential autism / social anxiety, for someone just turning 3, I would just invite round close extended family, and have a buffet tea and maybe some party hats and some candles in a cake. You can always play musical bumps / statues or do a pass the parcel or blindfold game.

I have a three year old and we've never done a proper party. For her 3rd birthday I asked her what she wanted to do, and she named two friends and said she'd like them round. So we had them (plus parents) round to play, birthday tea with food she likes and cake. That was it, and she was very happy.

We had grandparents round on a different day and finished up the cake. That was actually because of the logistics of it for us but for your child maybe a couple of friends one day and family another might take the pressure off?

What about opening presents? Many children (and adults) with ASD can't bear "surprises ", in fact I know of one friend's adult son who chooses and wraps his own for his family to give to him!

My autistic, now adult son has only recently been able to sing happy birthday in public to others but never to him

My DS preferred one or two friends for a special day out. He finds big groups and parties overwhelming.
You can do something more memorable and tailored if you’re only doing it for a couple of children. At 3 I’d invite close family for cake and maybe put a paddling pool or bubble machine up. If you want to have a party, invite their best friend for a nice day out to a place DC loves.

I wouldn't have a birthday party for a child with autism it is their idea of hell.

Thank you all. It has literally just hit me why opening presents last year for her 2nd birthday was so painful for her. We invited my mum and honesty we gave up after 4 because she wasn’t enjoying it and refused to carry on. Now I feel terrible. Thanks for bringing this to my attention