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Original poster

Childcare for my 30th birthday

52 replies

Lolapicklepup · 23/06/2024 00:10

I need any advice or inspiration on childcare for my 30th.

I have DS just 3yo and DD 1yo. Both sets of grandparents are incredible and will babysit for a couple for days/nights when required. My In laws are free at a drop of a hat, wonderful grandparents and my children love being with them as retired. They are older (70s) and not the type to attend a party but love home comforts. My parents (50s) LOVE a celebration and any excuse to party. I’m exceptionally close with them and my siblings. My parents will take the children away for weekends/ holidays but hate to miss an occasion to dress up and party.

I booked a 30th party for myself for next year a while ago. The venue won’t allow under 18s so children can’t attend (also wouldn’t cope due to young age). Stupidly banked on IL’s having them but they’ve booked a once in a life time abroad trip that means they get home 2 days after the party. Firstly, delighted they’ve had the balls to do it! After years of encouragement I’m so glad they’re spending retirement for them! Selfishly, they were childcare for my 30th weekend. My parents are in their 50s, partiers and I’d love them to be there. We don’t have any other childcare options.

do I
a) cancel the party? My kids are the most important thing to me and accept this is I’ve with young children

b) hire a babysitter. They seem VERY young to have a babysitter as 3 and 1yo.

c) uninvite parents as despite their love for a party, the children know them and they should come first.

d) would never ask ILs to cancel a trip as we’re so proud they’re doing something for them and would rather cancel the party.

e) any other ideas?

(Cannot do any other weekend due to work and going on holiday the Monday after the party for 2 weeks with the kids as part of my birthday celebration) 😊

OP posts:
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Roundroundthegarden · 23/06/2024 06:05

StripedTomatoes · 23/06/2024 00:21

Cancel the party (do you really need a party AND a holiday?!) or move it to a venue like a hotel where you can take your children.

Edited

This. You are a grown woman, what's wrong with just the holiday and a 'party' that includes everyone.

Roundroundthegarden · 23/06/2024 06:06

Kitkat1523 · 23/06/2024 00:35

Uninvite your parents? 🙄
Howfucking selfish

Exactly ! All for a party, grown married woman with children fussed over a party.

Spotto · 23/06/2024 06:09

God you lot are miserable

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Toddlerteaplease · 23/06/2024 07:35

Just get a babysitter.

Singersong · 23/06/2024 07:40

To be honest I'm shocked you booked it under the assumption that you wouldn't invite your PIL and they would have the kids. How awful.

But then, that's to be expected from someone who would uninvite their own parents.

Is there a name for a birthday equivalent of a bridezilla?....

nannynick · 23/06/2024 07:45

Is the venue near your home? If so then find a local babysitter who can get to know your children by babysitting at your home on a number of occasions, and then also do the night of the party.

Ask on local Facebook group, childcare listing sites like Childcare.co.uk and ask at nursery (nursery may have policies about staff providing babysitting).

HelpMePlan1 · 23/06/2024 07:49

You can't uninvite your parents on the condition that they need to babysit your kids 😂

Get a babysitter - ask at their nursery if they attend one, or find a local recommended one and use plenty of times between now and then.

5475878237NC · 23/06/2024 07:54

If your ILs offered to have the children then I'd move the date of the party.

Bit surprised to see your one year old has been on holidays without you. If they're that used to going away with family I definitely would prioritise changing the date.

SarahMused · 23/06/2024 08:00

As a Grandparent who provides a lot of childcare, I was put in a similar position this week. My son was talking about DIL’s 30th and that they were planning a party to celebrate. Assuming we were invited I said I would check the date because I couldn’t remember when we got back from holiday only to be told that we were actually being lined up as childcare for the night. Fortunately we are still going to be away but it has made me feel like we are good enough to provide childcare but not to socialise with. I think you shouldn’t assume that your in-laws don’t want to attend these kind of events unless you ask them!

Rebusmyfire · 23/06/2024 08:02

Ask round your friends if know anyone%use anyone to babysit.
Find people now to do trial.runs.

bananaphon · 23/06/2024 08:02

SarahMused · 23/06/2024 08:00

As a Grandparent who provides a lot of childcare, I was put in a similar position this week. My son was talking about DIL’s 30th and that they were planning a party to celebrate. Assuming we were invited I said I would check the date because I couldn’t remember when we got back from holiday only to be told that we were actually being lined up as childcare for the night. Fortunately we are still going to be away but it has made me feel like we are good enough to provide childcare but not to socialise with. I think you shouldn’t assume that your in-laws don’t want to attend these kind of events unless you ask them!

How rude. I hope you said something. Why can't they have their own children at their party anyway?

DarkForces · 23/06/2024 08:06

shiningstar2 · 23/06/2024 06:03

I think @Ponderingwindow raises an important issue for you to consider. Even though your ILs are great and especially as they would normally babysit at a moments notice it's possible that they might be hurt at not being invited to your party and feeling a bit taken for granted. If they never usually go away anywhere and have particularly chosen your birthday weekend as part of this extremely rare holiday they could be feeling disappointed that you haven't invited them to what is an important occasion and had taken for granted that they would just be the childcare while your parents get to go. I am in my 70s. I'm great, totally reliable childcare. I like home comforts and can definitely take or leave most parties but I would be very surprised and definitely hurt to be left out of my dil's 30th for childcare while her own parents attended. Different if you were just hanging out with friends ...but no invitation would shout out to me that despite the babysitting at the drop of a hat I wasn't that important to you. If they are fit and healthy enough to look after two small children they are certainly fit enough for a party, even if they don't go out much. I know I would have been invited and really strongly encouraged to attend even though I don't party much, just as you say you have encouraged them to go on holiday. I would rearrange with other babysitting options or get a child friendly option and invite them to come.

Soo much this. I think it's awful you weren't going to invite your in laws who help you out loads and sound lovely. You really need to think about how that comes across, especially considering you understand why your own parents wouldn't want to skip it to babysit your children

theleafandnotthetree · 23/06/2024 08:06

Why wouldn't you WANT your parents and in-laws at your oh so special party and celebration of you 🙄. I'm with some previous posters, you sound like you have main character syndrome and this people who you are gushing over are just players in making your life more fabulous.....or at least that's the tone. I would be rightly miffed if I was uninvited from my own child's birthday - the child who wouldn't exist without me birthing them - so I could babysit. Fuck that for a game of soldiers..

MumChp · 23/06/2024 08:07

I would only consider b. What is the problem?

AquaFurball · 23/06/2024 08:20

SarahMused · 23/06/2024 08:00

As a Grandparent who provides a lot of childcare, I was put in a similar position this week. My son was talking about DIL’s 30th and that they were planning a party to celebrate. Assuming we were invited I said I would check the date because I couldn’t remember when we got back from holiday only to be told that we were actually being lined up as childcare for the night. Fortunately we are still going to be away but it has made me feel like we are good enough to provide childcare but not to socialise with. I think you shouldn’t assume that your in-laws don’t want to attend these kind of events unless you ask them!

I hope you plan to be unavailable for childcare more frequently. How disrespectful.

Strictly1 · 23/06/2024 08:22

You need to reconsider your priorities OP. They may appear willing to babysit etc but you are giving them a clear message of how unimportant they are to you that they may have a rethink.

SarahMused · 23/06/2024 08:25

@bananaphon Don’t worry, the point was made.

AquaFurball · 23/06/2024 08:26

Move your party, invite your ILs and get a baby sitter.

Very entitled to assume you can drop your kids at your ILs whenever you feel and exclude them deliberately from any celebrations. I hope they realise how little you think of them other than as free childcare.

parentfodder · 23/06/2024 08:27

Spotto · 23/06/2024 06:09

God you lot are miserable

Exactly this!!

She wants a party and she's going on holiday. So what.

And no there has been no suggestion ils are put out. They are just unavailable to babysit due to booking a holiday.

Op I'd look at the babysitter option- friends babysitter, staff at nursery etc. your dh could potentially get kids settled and arrive slightly later.

If that comes to nothing, You could put feelers out with your parents as you will have to cancel if not.

If parents are a no go then yes cancel. Or have a belated one after hol

DarkForces · 23/06/2024 08:34

parentfodder · 23/06/2024 08:27

Exactly this!!

She wants a party and she's going on holiday. So what.

And no there has been no suggestion ils are put out. They are just unavailable to babysit due to booking a holiday.

Op I'd look at the babysitter option- friends babysitter, staff at nursery etc. your dh could potentially get kids settled and arrive slightly later.

If that comes to nothing, You could put feelers out with your parents as you will have to cancel if not.

If parents are a no go then yes cancel. Or have a belated one after hol

Show quote history

I suspect the fact that the in laws have booked an out of character once in a lifetime holiday at exactly the time they were excluded from a party after regular babysitting at the drop of a hat may not be the coincidence the op thinks.
And as for miserable, when I threw a massive party I made sure everyone who mattered to me was invited and they had a great night

TooLateForRoses · 23/06/2024 08:35

c) uninvite parents as despite their love for a party, the children know them and they should come first. you can't do that that's so nasty. I'm amazed it was even an option for you.

bananaphon · 23/06/2024 08:41

TooLateForRoses · 23/06/2024 08:35

c) uninvite parents as despite their love for a party, the children know them and they should come first. you can't do that that's so nasty. I'm amazed it was even an option for you.

If the children come first why aren't they coming to the party anyway? Ridiculously self centred

RoachFish · 23/06/2024 08:44

Wow, don't do option C. Incredibly selfish and crass behaviour.

It seems like your 30th has become more of a wedding type event so maybe just scale it down and have a party at home or at your parents home if that's bigger and they are up for it and then do the 2 week trip. The kids can then come and surely it's more important that the people you love (your kids and parents) are able to celebrate with you than you having a big party at a swanky venue.

andfinallyhereweare · 23/06/2024 08:49

Of course babysitter!

JC89 · 23/06/2024 08:55

Do not do C.

e) Dad looks after the kids (despite his love for a party, the children know him and they should come first)

f) Rearrange the party so the kids (and PIL if they want to) can come.