DD, sex education and pjs!

[HarrietTheSpyglass]

Sorry, I had no idea how to articulate the title effectively.

My DD has had the appropriate sex education by school, and read a couple of books on it plus had conversations with me. I am open and answer her questions provided they are appropriate to answer in what I feel is an age appropriate way. I am always honest. I am also happy to say ‘you don’t need to know that yet’.

Recently she has learnt that sex isn’t just for making babies, and as I explained it, it something natural that two consenting adults do if they are in a happy, loving relationship. Her next question was ‘do you and daddy have sex?’ I said yes. She asked when the last time was. I said that is private, but we have a happy, loving relationship. She is a bright kid and knows the point I was making is that we have sex and we do so regularly.

on to my question! As the weather has got warmer, there have been times I have removed my pjs in the middle of the night because I’ve gotten too hot, or changed into something cooler. So she has come in in the mornings to find me naked, or missing my bottom half, or changed from pjs to a negligee or similar. Every single time she comments, and asks why. Every single time I tell her I was too hot or whatever. Sometimes I am naked because I’ve had sex with my husband. I never tell her that.

it’s getting a bit frustrating now, and I’m not sure what to do.

do I continue with the same explanation? Do I ask her to stop going on about it? Do I ask her to stop coming in unannounced? Do I make sure I am dressed exactly the same way I was when I went to bed? It is getting tiresome and I’m sure her curiosity is more because she wants to know if we are having sex. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this curiosity but I am never going to tell her that’s what we were doing, true or not!

she is year 6 btw so off to secondary in September.

You ask her to stop being nosey and to knock! That would drive me mad, she needs to understand about privacy.

When DD did her Sex Ed at school obviously she had questions.
I said that I would answer anything but that my and her Dads sex lives were private and so I would not be talking about it.
Also, its none of her buiness what you sleep in. Me and Dh often sleep naked if its hot and my DC know this and know that if they come into our room they may see us naked, its not a big deal

I think you need to have a talk about privacy. Its good you're so open with her and privacy is part of the conversation.

If she asks again why you're not dressed the same I'd tell her the same short answer and move past it and hopefully she will get bored of asking.

This is an important time to have a conversation about healthy boundaries and privacy. Are you happy with your dd coming into your room in the mornings? If you are, and I know I’m happy for my dc to come in our room when they wake up, then you need to be dressed or covered up in some way. If it was say your Dh naked, it wouldn’t be appropriate for a y6 girl to be seeing her dad naked. If you don’t want her coming into your room, then you need to lay down that boundary so she knows what’s expected and acceptable. As it stands, coming into your room and finding you (both?) naked or dressed in sexy clothing is blurring lines a bit. Nothing wrong with being naked or being sex positive, but there have to be rules in place so it’s not confusing.

Thanks all, I have had a chat about why she keeps asking, she said it’s because she’s not finding her room too hot and she isn’t stripping in the middle of the night so she didn’t understand. I explained to her that there are two of us in my bed which makes it warmer, we have different duvets, and we are different people with different body thermostats.

I told her if she didn’t feel comfortable with it then she needs to stop coming in, and that I’m entitled to be naked in my own bed if I want to.

im not dressed in sexy clothing infront of her. Jeez. Just a negligee, pjs or a nightdress, or yes, naked, but under my covers. The same things she sees me in before bed. I’m hardly standing there with everything on display or having her come in mid shag. I’m literally in bed, either asleep or just waking up.

I do think we will be getting to a point soon of where she can’t just come in as and when she feels like it. As you say my husband being naked around her is getting inappropriate but she is walking in whilst he’s in the middle of getting dressed sometimes, he turns so he isn’t facing her but she could easily walk in at any time and see him full frontal.

I think she is a good age to introduce rules for bedrooms which work both ways - if door is closed we knock before entering etc to reiterate that the bedroom is a private space.

She's 11 and asking these questions? I'm not being snarky or sarcastic, does she have any SEN?

Also, she needs to knock and stop asking. About sex, fine. About people's sex lives, not fine.

She's old enough not to burst into your room every morning. Put a.wedge under the door.

Oh I thought she would be younger. In year 6 she should have an understanding of sex and privacy and not be continuing to ask why you’re wearing what you’re wearing when you’ve asked her to stop. She should also be knocking on your door before entering and it should go both ways for her privacy too.

You start knocking on her bedroom door before going in.. explain that as she is growing up you respect her right to privacy and you expect her to do the same.. enforce that.. and when she knocks tell her to hang on a minute if it is appropriate and Dad gets decent!

No she does not have SEN.

we are still very open like we have been since they were small. We bathe with the door open, she’s in and out brushing teeth whilst I’m in the shower, I don’t worry about her seeing me naked. She hasn’t started puberty yet so hasn’t felt the need to be private with her own body whilst at home, and I haven’t questioned any of it because I felt like it’ll naturally adjust like it did when I was younger.

I do think it’s time to start saying if a door is shut then you knock on it before entering.

This.