Birth certificate help

[Confused161200]

Hey,

so I’m not with my unborn child’s father and I never want to be, long story!

who has the rights over naming the child, we aren’t married and never have been?

he has as much right to be on the baby’s birth certificate and I wouldn’t ever jeopardise his role as a father, however I want the baby to have my surname, and I know for a fact this will cause and uproar, we aren’t together due to years of emotional abuse, we broke up I found out I was pregnant a few weeks later and I don’t want to go back there for the sake of my mental health and it’s not healthy for a baby to witness what used to happen, but I’m stuck on what rights he has over naming the unborn baby?

You and only you.

none

It’s so unclear online I did think this, I was sure it was only couples that were married that had the joint decision but I wasn’t certain

Go and register the baby yourself. He would need to be at the appointment with you to be put on the birth certificate

That’s my worry, I know he has to be with me when we register the baby, but I worry he would kick off when I put my name as the surname, and what rights he has to say no that’s not happening or do I get the final say as we’re not married

It’s 100% you.

The baby can’t be registered without you.

You can go with him to register them, but you shouldn’t do this if he is abusive.

If it’s just a case that a couple don’t get along I’d agree with you that the father should be included. But his abuse has removed that moral right, I believe.

If you put him on the BC he could be involved in everything you do for the next 18 years. Schooling decisions, where you live, even if you can go on holiday.

If you don’t put him on the BC, he can still apply to do this. But I bet he won’t bother.

And also once the baby is born it's worth making the appointment asap as there might be waiting time (ours was 2 weeks).

Yea this is what I’m thinking, obviously to him I’m the horrible evil one, but he forgets the reason I walked away was because of his horrible words. It’s just hard to figure everything out, he won’t even listen to names I like he is saying it’s his baby and it must be named this if a boy, honestly if I think it’s a girl he would just walk away and not even bat an eyelid

If you are worried he will kick off about a name you should not be naming him on the birth certificate

Don’t involve him in your decision. You name your child as you are the mother. He has no rights to choose a name. Do not put him on the BC unless you want a lifetime of grief and aggravation.

I think in your situation I'd register the birth, and by extension name the baby, alone.
He can still be added to the birth certificate after the original registration, which I don't believe you should make any attempts to prevent.

I think if you're both at the appointment, the registrar would expect you to settle it between yourselves or come back another day if you were actually unable to agree in the room. I was interested and looked up older threads asking the same question - general verdict was "registrars aren't paid to watch you argue" but one person mentioned a registrar who said they would default to mother's choice. So perhaps the registrar has some discretion - but they really aren't there to arbitrate disputes. So your ex needs to understand that there's no point him coming if he's expecting to debate the name there.

The mother in theory always has that right. If unmarried, you can register the birth yourself. He can be added to the birth certificate later. If you are married, you can still register yourself but you could add him without him being there. Ultimately, you get the right. I would do it myself and add him later if he chooses to pursue it. No way would I want my child not sharing my name.

When I went to register my DD with my DP the registrar deferred to me.

It helped I had a piece of paper with her names written out.

I mainly did it because two of my siblings had to re-register one of their children as a name were incorrectly spelt. However I realised and so did DP that the registrar was more interested in what I had to say.

This is correct.

If you want him in the bc he must attend the appointment with you.

Or he can be added at a later date.

I forgot to add if your child hasn't started school and he decides to go to Family Court for contact he can ask not only to be added to the birth certificate but to double barrel the child's last name.

I think maybe when it gets to having the baby and he still won’t agree on the dad I will go to the appointment alone and then he can go to court to get himself added on, I won’t let his toxic behaviour and controlling ways control this one last thing, thank you everyone xx

Name not dad*

How Far along are you .

I would go low contact for now ..

You can register the birth yourself and add him later . He doesn’t need to go to court if you agree .

You don’t need to agree with anything you are not comfortable with .

I’m half way, I’ve seen him once since finding out and don’t respond to a lot of messages unless they are to do with the baby, but I think I’m just going to go no contact from now on