Hello all, I'm hoping someone might have some insight. My 4yo daughter has always had a temper but has so far hit all her developmental milestones and caused us no real concern. She attends school nursery full time and settled in well at first, but has made what appears to be a fairly intense friendship that she frequently mentions as being something that makes her sad. Home life is me, her dad and brother. No changes in terms of anything at home. Her dad and i both work part time and have for a long time. We are both very involved parents. She has very involved grandparents and we have a great support network. Her brother is 6yo and hasn't been diagnosed with ADHD, but is on a watch list at school. He's incredibly mature emotionally but quite intense, his brain moves very quickly, etc. My daughter tends to want to do everything he does and really looks up to him.
After half term, her behaviour has significantly deteriorated. She has always had the odd meltdown maybe 1/2x a week but now they are daily. She's having frequent meltdowns that can last an hour, she is seemingly constantly dysregulated or on the verge of being....it's like she is always on a knife edge. She's having nightmares, refusing food, controlling everything that happens, refusing to get dressed. Bedtimes have become an absolute shitshow, she constantly puts off bedtime, is defiant, won't stay in bed or her room, throws her bedclothes on the floor. I shouted at her around a week ago at bedtime and it really upset her and me. I admitted to her that I lost my temper and I apologised immediately. Her dad and i argued in front of her after that but then called a family meeting and decided to try a reward chart. The children saw us work through our own emotions towards finding or trying to find a solution.
Anyway, my daughter still says she is still angry at me for this (me shouting) and she says will never love me again. I always respond by saying its ok to be angry but i will love her whatever she does.
She constantly grabs things off her brother and winds him up. Her brother is now saying things feel like they are always about his sister. He's coping so well but it must be hard for me....there is constant screaming and often he just has to go and draw or read while we deal with our daughter.
We are just at a loss. She's never been "easy" but all our challenges so far with her have felt manageable. I'm in touch with school about her friendship but I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do. Nothing else has changed!
We have tried giving her more control in games we play. We've tried giving her and her brother special time 1-1 away from each other. We've tried a reward chart. We've tried being super positive. We have listened to her and spoken to school about issues there. It's not working. She just seems to be getting worse and worse, to the point where we are tempted to pull her out of school.
Any tips, ideas? Has this happened to anyone else and did you get to the bottom of it? How long did it take to change? Could it be developmental? We are all miserable and my daughter has said to me tonight that there is "not much" she likes about being her 💔