What age should a child have a say?

[obersted]

Court ordered that child is with dad at his home all half terms, Easter, half of summer and alternate Christmas/New Year. Parents ordered to meet halfway due to large distance between them (mum moved away).

Child is 11.5. Has said they do not want to go to dads for the 3 weeks in summer; would like to do just 2.

Dad has said no, and that it's court ordered for 3 and they are too young to make that decision.

Reasons child doesn't want to go for 3 weeks is mainly due to social life and seeing friends. Dad has said they will have the other three weeks for that.

Where does mum stand here? Thank you!

I would say, based on what you've said, that the mother should tell the DC that he's going.

In this instance, the DDad is correct. DC will have plenty of time to see his friends in the rest of the holidays.

I would say around age 14 (I'm out the other side now, mine are late teens). At 11 I'd be going with the court order.

Is consider going back to court. Is the child at secondary school yet?

No , starts in September.

Thank you!

I think 11.5 years old is old enough to say whether they want to visit the non-resident parent. It's at least old enough to have a say in the length of time spent there. Forcing them to go when they don't want to is just going to build resentment.

Even if there's no safety concerns etc? It's just "I don't want to."

@obersted I would say yes because at 11.5 as long as there are no additional needs the child's not far off being considered gillick competent better to be able to start making decisions than overrule them and build up resentment. It's surely old enough to have a discussion about the situation.

He’s at the sort of age where court would listen but for the sake of a week then it might be best to leave it this year because I’m not sure that you’d get a court date quickly enough.

Thank you. It's not me as the mother. But great to hear these responses.