Today I have been a toxic parent and hate myself. How to sort it out with dcs?

[terriblyashamed]

I got into a rage where my anger made me cold and hard, like a psychopath, I imagine. I could hear a voice in my head saying "stop it, stop behaving like this, they are only little" but I just carried on.

I behaved terribly for a shamefully long time. I'm sure it will be one of those incidents my dcs will never forget. I was disgustingly toxic.

Feel utterly miserable. How can I begin to apologise?

(Its a long story but among the many outrageous things I did was to deny them food when they were hungry. I can't believe I did it .

It's difficult when you get to that point to find the point of turnaround....but, I assume that you generally are not that kind of parent.
I would just openly admit to my children that I was wrong to do what I did and that I love them more then they will ever know and simply apologize and give plenty of hugs and kisses.
What triggered your behaviour?
Not being judgemental...but I have had experiences like that, and the worst episodes I had when using a certain contraceptive pill called Femodene...and I have found out that it isn't an unusual sideeffect to get all enraged, etc...whislt on it....

Thanks for the Hugs Kama.

A kind lady saw me crying in the park and was incredibly nice to me and the dcs. Made me feel even worse.

They are 7 and 4.6.

I am very pre-menstrual.

No, Ruby, not regular. But I think in childhood there only have to be one or two days like this and the dcs remember them forever and never quite trust you again. Feel I've irreperably damaged a bond that is usually so good.

And my dcs are lovely.

.

I did give them lunch. Just not when they wanted it. What a bitch.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Are they on half term? It can get to you, tomorrow is a new day. Good luck!

I've had days like this too. Not "a bit grumpy" or a momentary screeching fit followed by an apology - but being a miserable, punitive, negative tyrannical old witch to them in a prolonged way. I hate myself when I let this happen, especially because I can hear my own mother's voice coming out of my mouth and it's stronger than me, I just can't stop it. The worst time, I ended up in tears in front of the children because their little face were just so shocked and sad, I felt like a murderess. And every time I posted on MN/talked to a real life friend about it, and they said "Yeah, we all do that" I thought "No, you DON'T - I am much, much, much worse than you could ever be"

Honestly. I know how you feel. But your children know you love them, they are secure and robust enough to survive a bad day, even if it's a really bad day. They just need lots of love, and frank talking, and reassurance. As do you. have a hug from me {{{{{{you}}}}}} and make tomorrow a much happier day for all of you.

Thanks greeny (I am a regular, so know that's your nickname).

You see, I think what I did today was worse for my darlings than the one or two times I've smacked them in the past - for running into road-type incidents.

I don't think smacking is the worst thing you can do. I think going cold and hard and just plain bitchy is worse.

I agree with the last post. Part of growing up is learning that others have emotions and needs and can't endlessly fulfill our desires.

Message withdrawn

It's awful when you feel out of control and think that your actions have harmed others so you have all my sympathy.

I suffer from horrendous PMT(have resorted to several diff methods to get this under control but no luck so far) but DS2, 4, seems particularly sensitive to my moods and state of mind. My periods seem to ahve affected him from when he was a baby. Just a thought that your DC may be picking up on your PMT?

Having said that imho your DC are old enough to realise that their actions have consequences just as yours do.

Part of growing up is learning that life doesn't always go your own way; if the situation has got this bad for you over when they have their lunch it sounds like they know exactly what buttons to push to wind you up.

Start over again tomorrow and talk to them about how things that happen to your body, (mine all know about periods as I'm constantly followed to the toilet and gave up on the idea of privacy years ago!) affect you physically and your mood too.

Explain simply about lack of patience, sadness, etc. Let them know that it is not their fault that you feel this way and that you are soryy that you all ahd a horrible day.

Choose something easy for them to do to help you. Tell them hot water bottle helps and cwtching up on the sofa with them would make you feel better too.

Its hard.

I can say this to you now, but it'll be a real struggle a week from now, when my PMT starts, to take my own advice. I hate that my moods can have such a huge impact on teh whole family

Take care, don't be too hard on yourself x

I really believe you would have to keep it up for a long, long time before it took away their love and trust in you. Be nice to yourself!

Awwww thanks everyone. I hope you are right about the forgiveness/forgetting thing! My ds (the 4 year old) was still being a little bit naughty at tea time so I don't think I've scared him into compliant submissiveness just yet!

(I didn't get cross at tea time btw).

Immediately AFTER the being horrible hour today, I lost them for 20 minutes in the park. Little one rode off on his bike, big one followed on her bike, I ran along behind on foot and they just disappeared from view ...

Eventually little one turned up without his bike. Big one not for another 10 minutes, returned to me by a woman who found her near the park gates looking sad.

In that 20 minutes I felt the instant exact opposite of what I'd been feeling 20 mins before: "I want the children here with me", instead of "I want to be a million miles away from my children".

That tought me a lesson, for sure.

I'm having a big problem right now, and I'm feeling so overwhelmed. It feels like my heart is about to explode from the pain, and I can barely breathe. Why is being a parent so difficult? I feel like I'm not a good parent. I'm trying my best to give them a good life, despite not being rich and not having our own home. We're just renting a place. I'm providing for them despite the struggles, but why do they respond to me like this? All I want is for them to study well and finish their education. Yes, I sometimes say hurtful words to them, but it's only because of their actions. I wish they would improve their behavior. But instead, they're showing me that they're taking away my rights as a parent.an now i become a toxic mother to them.