Socialising strong willed 20 month old

[Toystory123]

My DC has bundles of energy and is always being described as ‘determined’ and ‘knowing their own mind’
I’m feeling guilty atm as we attend two toddler groups (one music/one signing a week) and then will do more adhoc church playgroups etc but I dread taking them.. they’re always the most energetic one in these groups and wanting to do their own thing. It’s been hard work but manageable until the past couple of months as they’ve started hitting/biting. Luckily no major incidents at any groups but because of this I feel like I have to follow them everywhere (which I think hypes them up more sometimes) but means I catch him 90% off the time when he goes to hit/throw something etc. He’s not very good at sharing which I know that most aren’t at that age but will try and snatch and not play alongside someone with a toy. When I stop him from snatching or doing whatever it’s always full on tantrums/trying to strip top off. His language is behind currently - he makes a variety of noises and some noises I know he means hi, bye etc & have been in touch with the health visitor but they told me not to worry until he’s 2 but it means that physically he’s very able but it’s hard to try and explain things/placate him. We spend a lot of time outdoors at the park as he loves collecting pebbles and sticks.
I realise all the above sounds negative and he is incredibly sweet and funny and I do love his explorative/high energy nature most of the time..
Just feel guilty as the playgroups are such hard work to go to but is the only place he gets to socialise as play dates have really dwindled off with people returning to work and the friendships fizzling out. Any wise MNetters who have been in this position or any advice?

Have you done the MCHAT?

https://www.autismspeaks.org/screen-your-child

My autistic DC was just like that. I was unaware they were autistic at the time.

Tell me, have you explained sharing to them? The second I did with mine, they thought it was blanket permission to take any toy off anyone at any time. I’d gently stop them and they’d throw a fit. The autism people said, yes well to an autistic child they think the other child should be sharing and then think it’s horribly unfair for you to stop them from being shared with while forcing them to share with others. I hadn’t thought of things that way, but it explained a lot.

Have you confirmed he doesn't understand you?

So for example you say pick up x and he doesn't?

Only because lots of toddlers who don't speak actually understand their parents and siblings plus sometimes other people they see regularly but just can't speak themselves.

I think I'd just avoid the playgroups for a while and come back to them when they are a bit older. Maybe a forest school type group would be more their thing, or just stick to exploring outdoors for a bit or going to farms and aquariums, that sort of thing.

There's a little orchard toys game called post box that introduces turn taking that is really simple and might get them to understand that sometimes we wait our turn.

Hi, I did do this which prompted my call to the health visitor as he scored a low medium but she said to wait until he’s two.. so hard to know whether he’ll suddenly come on leaps and bounds or if it’s an indication that he may have autism

Contact SALT now, in most areas it’s self referal. Also see the GP and ask to be referred for a hearing test.

Ah, you can definitely see the logic! It’s amazing how much nuance is in everyday language and stuff that you don’t really realise isn’t it?! I don’t really know if we’re at that point.. if he snatches I make this ‘ah ah’ sounds like a gentle warning or a ‘no ta’ etc and he does know that means no/he shouldn’t have it and he’s okish depending how much he wants it but I tend to have to move him along, he’s really hard to distract. In terms of sharing, I’ll say ‘ok you’ve just had a go, now it’s xs turn’ ‘y turns now’ but not sure how much he understands, have to gently hold his hand while narrating positively so the other child actually manages to have a turn lol.
What other signs did your DC display & what age did you realise?
The thought had crossed my mind. The lady who runs the music class has made a couple of comments about him being incredibly sensory seeking, which I wasn’t sure was just an observation or a bit of a hint but then other times I think perhaps he doesn’t really display any other signs. When he goes to hit the majority of the time it isn’t frustration it’s over excitement and he’s smiling/laughing and the biting as well, it is more sensory (though he definitely can try and do it with frustration) but he’ll come up and bite/mouth me throughout the day.

Hm it’s hard to know, he definitely does some things but chooses to ignore if he doesn’t want to do it. He doesn’t look in the direction that you’re pointing and doesn’t point yet himself so that makes it slightly harder. If he’s holding a book and I say pass to mama so we can read it then he will but if I asked him to fetch his shoes or pass his shoes and they weren’t in front of him I don’t think he’d know what I meant

Ah thanks for the recommendation, I’ll check it out! I have tried a couple of forest school sessions but it’s quite a way to travel to but think I need to have a good old google and try and see if there’s anything like that closer to us. Just feel a bit guilty because that’s his only interaction with other children but he is going to start nursery in November and the playgroups will be taking a break for the summer so feel like I should power through the next month or so 😅🤞

Ok, I’ll get onto them tomorrow, thank you!!