Hi, I'm new to mumsnet but feel compelled to write a post to get some advice. It'll probably be a long one, so sorry in advance!
My ex and I split 10 years ago after he cheated on me with my sister. We share 2 children together, DS13 and DD11. We decided 50/50 was the best thing for them.
Recently my DS13 did a secret voice recording of his dad berating him continuously for spilling something on his carpet. It was awful to listen to, he was called some vile names repeatedly and it went on for 6 mins. He ended up speaking to teachers at school about this and eventually his dad found the recording on his phone and dropped him back at mine after a big argument at his. My son is adamant he doesn't want to go back. Said this has been going on for years, him being treated poorly and his sister being well cared for. I respected his decision and said to leave the door open to his dad anyway. Since this happened hes received one text from him but thats it.
Afew weeks ago my mum decided to ring SS about my ex regarding sleep arrangements at his house as he and my daughter still share a bed. I was hesitant at first because i didnt want to rock the apple cart but in the end i agreed. Out of the blue last week I get a text from my DD saying she wants to stay at dads abit longer which she has never done, and after overthinking the whole situation suspect that SS contacted him about what my mum reported, and out of revenge he's possibly talked her into not coming home. I also know that my DD could have done this on her own back and does want to stay with him.
This evening, I received another text of DD saying she wants to live with dad and said it's her home now and she will come to visit. This is all such a big shock.
My ex and I have very different parenting styles. He doesn't have rules or bedtimes, DD gets whatever she wants whenever because she's a 'daddy's girl' his words not mine. I suspect there's some parental alienation going on and possibly an enmeshment/codependant dynamic at play.
I don't really know what to do from here. All I feel is that she will come back when she's ready, I don't want to push her more into his corner, so I will wait it out and hope she sees sense, no matter how long it takes...
Just for context, after we split I met a wonderful man and we've been married 7 years and have a 5 year old together, who misses her big sister terribly. DD has a whole life here, her room, friends, clubs, grandparents.. I just can't get my head around the fact I won't have her in my life the way we are all used to.
Any advice would be so appreciated and thanks for reading x