Feeling lost with 4 week baby

[sonta8]

I feel like I am the worst at taking care of my 4 week old baby. Everyone else seems to be better at it than me - my mum, my husband. I feel like he is always crying with me and never sleeps. I am always doubting what I instinctively feel he needs - because not sure if I have any clue on what to do. And he doesn’t even care if I am there or not. There is no special attachment from his side for me. I got so emotionally drained today that I felt I shouldn’t be taking care of him since everyone else seems to be doing a better job than me.

Oh man I just wanted to jump in and say I feel you. Today was a super tough day for us too. My little one is 4 weeks adjusted age (8 weeks actual) and spent the whole day crying, my husband came home and she instantly went to sleep on him.

At points today she was crying, I was crying, it was rough!

Not sure whether you are bf or not but sometimes they can smell our milk and that can contribute to not settling on us. In a few weeks I’m sure these little babies will be smiling back at us and this feeling will be gone. It’s hard when they can’t give us much back at the moment.

You are NOT the worst at taking care of your baby, you are the best thing for them. Also giving myself this pep talk. 😋 x

Your little baby is only 4 weeks old and you are grappling with a huge adjustment. Trust me, this is very early days. Give yourself a break and you will be fine in a few months. There is a lot to learn. You are tired and hormonal. Your baby is adjusting to life outside the womb. Your'e doing your best and that's enough. Lots of love to you.

Keep going OP, those early weeks are so so hard. My DD is now nearly 5 months and I have an older DS who is 3.5. Even second time around, those early weeks were rough with DD, she made my DS feel like such an easy child in comparison. It felt like she was always crying / screaming / miserable when she was awake and I honestly felt like a crap parent because I didn't understand why or what I was/wasn't doing, everything that worked for my DS before just wasn't working for DD. I'd count down the minutes til DH was home.

At around 6 weeks it got easier and has continued to get easier since then. She started smiling at me when I talked to her, and not long after that started giggling and making her little babbly noises, crying a lot less and basically became a lot less newborn (hysterically crying, etc). She's not a cuddly child so very different to my DS and this threw me massively. I had to keep reminding myself it's a huge adjustment for her too, being out in the world. 4 weeks is still such early days, you're still getting to know each other and your bond will only continue to grow each day.

I promise you are doing better than you think you are and you are exactly what your baby needs. Sending big hugs ❤️

I know it’s tough but you are doing great! The early weeks are a blur and relentless.

The others are right sometimes they smell the milk and that’s why they get agitated, nothing to do with not wanting to settle with you. Also if you are feeling stressed etc they can pick up on that a bit which isn’t your fault.

You’re still adjusting from giving birth and change in hormones so as much as you can try and cut yourself some slack.

And if your husband and mum are happy to help don’t feel bad about letting them.

If you start feeling really down have a chat with your health visitor or GP to see how they can help.

Absolutely take all the help you can get and don’t feel guilty or inadequate.

Everything you are feeling is totally normal honestly!!! You are right in the thick of it at this point.

Fear not it will get easier!!

Mum of 3 , 2 of whom are twins. You’re doing great! Xx

Newborns are tiny terrorists aren't they. Honestly you couldn't pay me to go back. It gets so much better. You're doing a great job and your little boy loves you more than anything else in the whole world - you're just too exhausted to see it!

OP I know this doesn’t help solve it but what you are feeling is totally normal.
Just know that this phase will pass. If you feel like in another months time it hasn’t, please reach out to GP or health visitor.

Your baby loves you and definitely has an attachment, although I know sometimes it feels like they don’t. My son absolutely hated cuddles and stopped all contact naps from about 4 months and I genuinely felt like some days he didn’t love me or bond with us but I know this is just him. Would make me feel awful when someone would hold him and he would stay put and didn’t wriggle away.

Your baby knows you more than anyone else, knows your voice and the inside of your body.

I was exactly like you for the first few months. I cried so much and thought I was useless and that she liked everyone but me. She's nearly 1 year old now and I'm her best friend. Things get easier!