Dad bonding with baby

[ciavent90]

hi all,

hoping someone can help. we're 1 week PP and in the trenches of sleep deprivation etc. my husband has taken it upon himself to do all the household chores (washing, sorting meals, keeping me hydrated etc etc) while i recover from birth and look after baby.

it's super early days but today i went to have a nap for an hour and 5 mins into leaving him and baby, baby started screaming. we'd just fed her so doubt it was hunger but after 15mins of her bawling her eyes out i then went downstairs to relieve him and try her on the other boob. of course as soon as i picked her up, silence!

my husband said he felt completely useless and can't give her what she needs. the only thing he's good for atm is cleaning and doing things around the house / helping with nappy changes. he was really disheartened, and said he'll probably only be able to help her form ages 2-18. it made me so so sad to hear that he feels he can't calm her and isn't what she wants. i want him to be able to bond with her the same way i am, and think he just feels defeated at the first crying fit she's had with him where she just won't calm down at all.

how did your husbands / partners bond with baby in the early days? i'm considering pumping so he can give her a bottle in the night or something but would love to hear from anyone going through / or who's gone through this too? thanks in advance

What he is experiencing is completely normal but he needs to persevere. He is just in a bit of a panic.

Has he tried skin to skin time with baby?
Encourage him to do all the nappy changes, give baby a bath.
He needs to talk and sing to baby.

Pumping and him doing a bottle isn't the worst idea. I did that with our second child but to give me a break. But do remember feeding is only part of it.

He will get there. And a hell of a lot faster than age 2.

It’s completely normal. You can try expressing and a bottle if you want to. We combi fed as my little madam wasn’t that up for boob.

He has to persevere, it’s really hard but he’ll get there. Mines now 13 weeks and daddy can settle her as well as I can. He took her whenever I got stressed and cried. He also gets up with her every morning he’s off work so it’s not just me. That morning time just the two of them he really looks forward to.

She now smiles when she hears him on the phone and just gets so excited when he comes home. Not great for my ego 😂 but they’re happy!

Completely normal. Give it a few weeks and he will find his feet. Make sure you give him opportunity to succeed and fail to comfort him. Sometimes figuring out what not to do helps to find what will help next time.
Baby will change 1000 times between now and 2. There will be times when you can soothe them better and others where he will.

My daughter was very unsettled due severe reflux and allergies. It was 10 months before my partner could reliably soothe her. She was very attached to me but I ended up in hospital and they had to figure it out together. They did and for a few months my partner settled her better than me. She's nearly 4 and has days where everything I do is wrong and daddy is king and other days that daddy gets told to go away. Children from day dot are individuals and what they want and like can change with the wind! Give it time x

He needs to do skin to skin time with baby and give it more time - and you need to leave them to get to know each other and not jump in unless she's hungry!

Seconding lots of time together and skin to skin. It sounds like he meant really well looking after the house so you could recover and look after baby but he needed to be bonding in that time too. He can absolutely make up for lost time; but they need to bond and find their own way ❤️

My husband realised my daughter needed me the most.. he didn't feel left out .. when l was feeding her ( EBF) he would just sit next to us and cuddle up.
Change her nappy and then hand her back.
If only men could breast feed eh?

Please don’t worry or let him be upset, totally normal! He needs to be left to comfort baby of his own,don’t jump in quickly unless baby needs feeding.

It's only been a week! He needs to stop catastrophising!

Did he learn to ride a bike in a week?
Did he learn to drive a car in a week?

Or did he give up after a week and say it's hopeless?

Ps don't pump so he can give a bottle.

It won't necessarily help his bonding. It's uncomfortable for you. It's wasteful of breastmilk. It's less beneficial for the baby.

Worst of all worlds.

Your dh simply needs to cuddle her more. Pace around the room while holding her.