How would you react if your partner called you a "casual" parent?

[TylerD]

And then after you made it clear that you didn't take it as a compliment, they tried to walk it back and tell you that it didn't mean what you thought it meant and that you misunderstood

Maybe he thought you were a relaxed chilled parent?

It depends on what the meaning was?
I would take it as meaning a relaxed parent which I suppose I am so I don’t think it’s a bad thing?

I'd laugh becuase I'm anything but. But I assume he meant that you're relaxed. Not anxious and overthinking every decision in fear of failing your children and have them grow up having to heal from their childhood.

Maybe you did misunderstand? If DH called me a casual parent I would assume he meant sort of the opposite of a helicopter parent, but it would depend on the context of the conversation as a whole.

What did they mean by casual parent?

That I'm too lenient with them and not strict enough. But then she also called me a helicopter parent too. So I'm struggling to understand how a person can be both.

Obviously I don't know you so I can't know if it's true about you, but I think helicopter parents can be quite lax on the discipline front sometimes. Lots of following and words but not much actual giving out or consequences for being bold iykwim.

I think it's worth you unpicking why you are upset that you consider being too lenient and not strict enough is a bad thing. There is a wide gap between letting them do anything they want and not shouting at them every time they slightly step out of line.

It's perfectly possible to be helicopter parent and not strict.

But didn't you post this a few days ago? What feedback did you get then? I just read the OP and closed it, didn't RTFT.

Id keep asking them questions and examples of my parenting that they felt illustrated their point, until I felt I properly understood what they were saying. Then I'd take some time to think about it and decide from there what to do based on the examples they'd given and what I thought about how they saw things. Then I'd talk with them again and try to reach some sort of agreement or understanding.

I see lots of parents like that. Submissive parenting, some times done by people who mistakenly believe they’re gentle parenting. The common theme is not giving children any boundaries or responsibilities. It’s not good for children’s self esteem or emotional security.

@IncompleteSenten gives good advice.

How did you 'make it clear that you didn't take it as a compliment'?

I think half the country is too lenient on their kids. That's how we end up with all these teachers quitting after terrible treatment from children who have no respect for any authority.

My first question if someone said this to me would be "in what way?"