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Tips for an anxious Mum

3 replies

jenalen · 17/06/2024 20:09

Hello everyone,
I'm a first time Mum to a 4 month old little boy. It's been wonderful and I love him more and more every day.
I suffer from anxiety and I worry (I get the irony of this!) that this is impacting my LO, as he'll pick up on my stress signals even when I'm hiding it by singing to/smiling at him etc. Can any other anxious Mums offer any tips on how they deal with this, especially once you start to get into the cycle of you and your baby stressing each other out?
First time poster so please be kind 🙏🏻

Context:
I've always been an anxious person and often get very stressed and overwhelmed. I think this stems from my difficult medical history (I was diagnosed with a spinal tumor age 15, had cancer treatment, still have many ongoing issues bla bla bla) but this is maybe irrelevant.
My son arrived a month early and had a tough few weeks at first. He needed phototherapy three times for recurring jaundice which really impacted our bonding and early feeding journey, and a hernia operation for which general anaesthetic was required, all which required hospital stays. Thankfully the last couple of months have been hospital free, but I'm noticing that he seems to be a lot more unsettled than other babies of his age. I can't put him down for more than 10 minutes, and some days it seems he's constantly on the edge and I'm trying to keep him from losing it all day. He gets very distressed multiple times a day, crying real tears and high pitched wails with frightened eyes. I'm sure he's well fed, gets enough sleep, changed and burped regularly, and we play and have lots of chats and cuddles so i don't feel I'm doing anything too wrong.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
shardlakem · 17/06/2024 20:40

You sound like an amazing mum. I don't think he will pick up on your anxiety but my best advice is to look after yourself the best you can. If you can eat healthily, get some sleep, get some fresh air each day, hopefully it will help you feel in a better position to manage your anxiety and feel better looking after him. I really suffered from anxiety in the first few months and found myself not eating properly, really struggling from sleep deprivation etc and it made everything so much worse.

4 months is still very little especially as he had a rough start! He will get more independent as he gets bigger, try to enjoy the constant cuddling now if you can! How are you feeding him? Could anything be bothering his tummy which could make him upset?

Wish you all the best 💐

Lammveg · 17/06/2024 20:43

Not sure of any specific 'tips' but...its OK for your baby to feel negative emotions. You sound like you're doing a great job of comforting them and with that they'll learn in time about how to manage thier own emotions. You and baby are still learning about each other and how to work together so try not to worry!

Some babies are just more sensitive than others, I'd say I'm a pretty chilled parent over all and my DD is quite highly strung and alway has been.

If you're worried about your own anxiety, then you can look into therapy etc for yourself (which I know is hard when you have a young baby!).

jenalen · 19/06/2024 19:18

shardlakem · 17/06/2024 20:40

You sound like an amazing mum. I don't think he will pick up on your anxiety but my best advice is to look after yourself the best you can. If you can eat healthily, get some sleep, get some fresh air each day, hopefully it will help you feel in a better position to manage your anxiety and feel better looking after him. I really suffered from anxiety in the first few months and found myself not eating properly, really struggling from sleep deprivation etc and it made everything so much worse.

4 months is still very little especially as he had a rough start! He will get more independent as he gets bigger, try to enjoy the constant cuddling now if you can! How are you feeding him? Could anything be bothering his tummy which could make him upset?

Wish you all the best 💐

Thanks, that's a lovely response. He's breastfed and we avoid dairy as I think it could be making his reflux worse. I'm trying to go with the flow as much as possible, and will definitely enjoy this stage while it lasts 🥰

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