I'm feeling dispirited by the destructiveness of my toddler

[PuhPeng]

I'm so tired (due date in one week) and my back hurts and winge winge winge, but instead of resting while my toddler sleeps, I am tacking the bombsite that I'm sure used to be my bedroom.

I'm really not particularly materialistic and I certainly don't have anything worth worrying about if it breaks or gets lost, but I'm just feeling really fed up with the wanton destruction of my things. She bounces into the room, flings open a cupboard and cheerfully wrenches out a string of beads, snapping them and scattering glass baubles everywhere. She climbs up onto the bed, bids me a happy good morning and knocks over my water glass, soaking my book, drowning my mobile and sogging my pillow. I'm just mopping that up when I realise she's sitting on the bed watching me and thoughtfully eating a lipstick. While I wrap the lipstick in loo roll to throw it away she tries to turn on my bedside light, knocking it over causing a domino effect with what's left in the water glass. Splash again. All, this has probably taken less than a minute and I'm starting to feel a little aggrieved. Deep breath. Pass that necklace to mummy please darling - but no, she's not silly and senses that mummy is getting a bit fed up which is great fun (I do try and hide it and stay calm...) so it's more fun to shriek delightedly and run away with the beads. I love the necklace. I lumber after her desparately trying to remain in charge of the situation (yeah right) and really hoping the necklace does't snap. Ping. More little glass beads everywhere.

At which point I stop pretending to be a grown up about it and fling child out of the window.

Not really.

The pretty glass heart that dp bought me: hinge of box snapped and tooth marks in the velvet.

The necklace my dad gave my mum when they first moved to UK: catch missing, presumed poked inside the dvd player.

Bangles squished, lip balms smushed into their lids, my toothbrush tucked behind the loo, the hat I bought for unborn baby neatly smeared with bogies.

Is the only answer to just have nothing nice?

I have just completely cleared my bedroom, bedside table and dressing table of anything remotely decorative or pretty. No photos. No jewelery box. No useless little boxes too small to put anything in. No pretty dishes for change, rings and stuff. No perfume bottles. No makeup. No creams. No lotions, powders or unguents of any sort.

Now it's an accusingly stark monument to my abject failure in this particular line of parenting.

I feel surprisingly upset about it. Hormones probably. Advice? Tips? I'd be grateful for a manly pat on the back and a gruff "there there". I just can't cope any more with the daily destruction of things that I've looked after carefully for so many years.

How old is she?

What do you do when she breaks things?

I would hide away anything delicate, I guess. Keep her away from breakable stuff. Neither of mine meant through a real phase this way (I'm sure this isn't an achievement on my part, they just weren't like this.)

I don't think this is your fault, by the way.

Is she breaking things on purpose? Or is she just playing?

There, there. Just put things high up, don't worry about the state of your home - it's not a reflection of anything, other than the fact than you have a toddler. And a water bottle by the bed, with lid tightly screwed on, is much less destructive than a glass.

Only solution is to put EVERYTHING at your eye level so the little buggers can't reach. She doesn't know she's being naughty and doesn't mean to upset you.
You're hormonal, knackered and need HUGE mug of hot chocolate, a bar of chocolate and a box of chocolates ((HUG))

Don't let her in your bedroom. Do your bedroom things when she is in bed. YOu see beloved collections of carefully hoarded jewelry and expensive makeup, she sees toys and facepaint. Put it all in a big box, and lock the lid.

I do have total empathy. I have a 5 year old destructobot (although getting better now) and a 2 year old whirlwind. The answer really is to move things.

Today I have made a mental list of the things I have lost and had broken by my two - v depressing...

I suppose the only comfort is that when they grow up and have kids perhaps some mummy revenge will come their way....

My Mum has had a good laugh at my expense about what DD has done to my things - the apple hasn't falledn far from the mummy tree..

I got a set of cake tins to store jewels and make up in. They live high in a cupboard and I take them down when I need to get dressed.

My 2 year old bit my ladyshave, which I was given by my mum on my 16th birthday and have had for 10 yeasr at that point. I threw it in a complete temper (the Ladyshave, not the child) although he was only 10 months old at time.

She's just playing NQC. She's nearly 2. Just being a toddler.

I do tell her about being gentle and encourage her not to touch certain things, but there's no point being cross at this age.

Everything's up high now or in my bathroom. Bathroom now out of bounds to anyone under 3 feet.

Thatk you for the sympathy (although it made me weepy - hormonal much? )

I will just have to embrace this new minimalist phase of my life. And get my own back by being a granny with breakable crap on every surface in the house.

and lol @ being sentimentally attached to a ladyshave.

I was really upset when she ripped the Edward Furlong sticker off my hairdryer. Edward Furlong!! How long has that been there?

PuhPeng- i really do feel for you but also must say you have fantstic way of describing things-you should write a book on joys of toddlers!

And while I was typing my last message, he pooed on the carpet, and because he is praised for poo in the potty, he had tried to scoop it up with his toy domino and put it in the potty. When I caught found him doing that, he looked at me hopefully - "Chock-yit?"

No son. Not this time.

my fault - should have been watching him!

Oh dear Colditz. We should get our two together - while I was changing over the washing, mine woke up and found the soapy solution I'd been using to clean all my stark new surfaces. I have very very clean carpets now .

PP my youngest was like this - his 3 older siblings weren't so it was a shock. definitely go on a damage limitation exercise for now, esp with new babe arriving soon. But yanbu to feel v. dispirited. i didn't have preg hormones to deal with too, but i remember SO many days spent whirling round from one clear up only to find the little devil darling creating another mess in another corner. Eg ALL the cutlery thrown on the kitchen floor while i was in the loo, varios components of toys thrown over the banister down 3 flights of stairs - bits of jigsaw, lego etc.

he's now 4 and much easier, but for ages we just hid anything attractive as far as possible.

Y'see, this is why Mumsnet is so great. Before posting this thread I assumed that everyone's children were hell bent on razing the house to the ground and salting the earth where it stood, and that all my friends were simply better at discipline and tidying up and parenting than me.

When I read posts from people saying that one of their children is a Tazmanian Devil Darling, but the others weren't, it makes me think that it's possible that dd is particularly... boisterous (took me a long time to think of a nice word there), or at least going through a bit of a manic phase, and that makes me feel better.

And thank you cheesesarnie - glad to have amused!

I think some kids are inclined this way, and others aren't. She sounds adventurous, and full of energy, fwiw.

I only have one so far, but my feelings are that

1. toddlers DO destroy things. Not on purpose but playing. Anything really valuable/sentimental goes AWAY!
2. I do think some children are more boisterous than others. My dd is particularly 'good' - in that, she doesn't really touch things she is not allowed to and is very careful with mummy's things. As much as I'd love to claim all the credit (), i think this is her nature. Plus she has had a v good pincer grip etc since very young so physically CAN be careful.

We have always let her look at everything, touch most things (with supervision) and investigate a lot of things (and model being careful). However, this MAY be because she can be careful... chicken and egg, I guess.

She still draws on things occasionally or destroys my lipbalm (grr) because she is a toddler. It is really tiring - and bear in mind, your patience is gonna be thin because you are tired and pregnant. Depending on her understanding, you can tell her you are sad that things are broken. But then you don't want to upset her or make her paranoid about accidents. Does she (help) clear up if she spills something? It's good to show consequences of actions I think.

PS It was a very amusing post - and I'm sure very cathartic too

PPS everyone who has a toddler knows the level of destruction they cause, I think. Nothing to do with your parenting.

I feel your pain. My 21 month old managed to get hold of my brand new clinique superduper undereye concealer that I had treated myself to since she decided not to sleep and I found her with the contents of it all over the carpet and it was empty. I don't even know how she got it, I swear she has go-go gadget arms.

i've actually bought some of those lidded leatherette storage boxes that ladies' shops sell and i keep my make-up/toiletries etc in those now.

It is so depressing when you have nothing in your bedroom at all, I have an en-suite that is the only room out of bounds to small people so everything of any value lives in there, it's locked too.

Then you go round a friends house and they have "things" sitting out, things that can break and they have small children and you think why can't mine just not touch.

I also hate when they drag out all the newly ironed clothes from their drawers.

No you are not the only one I'm afraid.

Toddlers love to fiddle with anything, and they are very clumsy! I have locks on my bedside drawers so I can hid my glasses etc. in the morning. My DD has a thing for removing the bookmark from my latest reading material. I have to remember to turn the page corner over now and just apologise if it's a borrowed book!

I was practically in tears on this very subject this evening. My 3 yo and 1 yo DSs seem to follow me around the house untidying as I tidy.

I am FED UP of having top heavy storage in every room in the house. We have shelving units with NOTHING on the bottom 3 shelves and EVERYTHING on the top 3.

Plus both are climbers, so every time you think you've childproofed your house they find something - or someone - to climb on to get at things.

But the one that does my head in the MOST is when DS1 gets bored on the loo and just unrolls an entire roll of looroll, meanwhile DS2 has taken every single wipe out of the packet and scattered them over the floor of the playroom.

And, yes, I do try and keep things out of reach, but you know sometimes when you're dashing from emergency to emergency things do get left on the floor/within reach.

ALso they grow, they bloody grow.

oh this takes me back! Mine's 8 now so isn't nearly as destructive as she used to be - there is light at the end of the tunnel. Fond memories of her stuffing a whole toilet roll down the childminders toilet , didn't do it in our house for some reason .
I had locks or catches on everything - the kitchen cupboards, toilet and plug thingies. I reckon some kids are just more adventurous than others. Mine always says I'm just looking wherein I reply what your fingers have now grown eyes????????? . I agree water bottle by the bed rather than a glass and no makeup - she'll soon be telling you your pretty anyway!

My sister once 'grouted' our entire bathroom with toothpaste.