Please help me to arrange some playdates for shy, unsociable dd1 (5) - how long, what food, when wahhhhhhhh, I have no idea.

[Oliveoil]

She said to MIL this morning that she liked school yesterday as "people played with her in the playground instead of leaving her on her own like normal [heart slowly breaks into bits]

Teacher says she is slow to make friends but seems happy on her own watching.

I think she needs to be encouraged (taught?) how to socialise and play with others.

So I am thinking playdates but have not done any before and am at a loss. Do you just march up to the parent and ask their child to play? when do you do it - after school, weekends? how long? what do you serve? Do you take them back after or do parents come to collect? WHAT IS THE NORM???!!

please tell me the 'rules' so I can sort something out

Thanks

dd3 is great draw among dd1 an dd2s mates

Oh and something as simple as decortaing digestive biscuits with icing (the writing tubes you buy in a little box from Tesco)is a good distraction technique when they look as if they are about to fall out.

22 months between dd1 and dd2 and atm they are best of friends (which is lovely to watch)

will play it by ear and see, I don't think I could keep dd2 away without a tantrum from hell

have just rearrange their rooms so both dolls houses are on view and Polly Pocket mountain is there as well etc

or a couple of pots of bubble mixture for garden

oh if they are mates then thats different

just hover to check one is not left out

garden is shit also

for artsy shy kids a creative chest is great fun .. look at the craft kits on baker ross (can recommend the scratchy masks, the lanterns and the snowglobes amongst other stuff)

if baking don't do it out of a pack .. euww .. just bake

christ

ok put the telly on

lol

tis not my fault I live in a terrace with an afterthought for a kitchen and a yard [violins]

dressing up is popular - do you have things they can dress up in?

i think when they get in a snack eg biscuits/apples then they tend to go and play in my dd's bedroom, then reemerge for tea.

i think at my dd's school most go for tea at someone's house every two weeks or so - so i think it is a very good idea - my dd always plays all day with the child coming to us that day - it sort of focuses the mind for them

telly after 5 .. but make 'em play together first .. cos that's the point

chuck 'em in the garden if nice .. give them sponges and make them clean the dirty toys .. hours of fun

got my sandpit cleaned by 2 x 3 year olds last week

i think the play date is your time for quality time with your youngest - steal her away with books/play do or whatever she is into - gives your eldest the best chance to bond with her friend

Olive I fully expect an update when you have (a) approached other Mum and (b) had the date

Crikey, I never orchestrate playdates as much as all this -- are you supposed to?
I ask the mum -- they usually say yes, although finding a date is awkward.
On a school day, We bring child back,
they disappear with my child,
I keep other children from annoying them,
the guest child refuses any snacks I offer,
we feed them tea if they stay late enough and will eat it,
their parent collects.
I did a lot of playdates for DD when she was in preschool, it mostly has paid off, she has a lot of playmates at school (although she never gets invited anywhere).

Olive play dates are great - and soon you'll be able to move onto double playdates - last week I had a brother and sister who match mine in ages/sex for 6 hours, and apart from an hour spent making pizza, tidying up and eating I didn't see them at all.

Totally agree with trying to keep dd2 out of the way a bit - our current routine tends to be walk home after school, snack, girls upstairs to make bindeez/bead threading/hama - I suggest as otherwise there can be arguments about choice of activity. They tend to come down bearing things to spray/tie/iron after 30 minutes. Free play with ds interfering for 45 minutes, tidy up, tea, parent comes to pick up at 6. Depending on how much I like parent they are given their child with coat on ready to go, or invited in for coffee whilst children continue to rampage.

I tend to always make chicken strips (homemade natch, using oatcake crumbs instead of breadcrumbs), potato wedges and frozen peas/sweetcorn. Never had a child refuse them yet.

well I mentioned it to dd1 and she looked at me like I had suggested something Really Bad and said hmmm well I could invite X maybe [do I have to face]

then cried when I said she could go and play at someone else house in return

so I will drip drip drip the info until she comes round to the idea

sigh

she is such a worry

Yes keep at her olive - you are her Mum and you Know Best. Her coming up with a name is a good start.

prufrock getting a brother/sister combo is great. I have one and it works really well we have a standing arrangement of alternating taking our DDs to dancing and the other having the boys although when it is not my turn to do dancing I hop it to the gym and leave DH to supervise the boys. We also do swaps for sleepovers.

Ask the mum if she's ever been to (playground, soft play) with ds/dd and that you're thinking of going and would they like to join you. It can be somewhere on neutral gound, an activity where they can play and you can chat with mum or whatever.

good idea re play area

prufrock - may I have your chicken receipe please, do you prepare and freeze or run about dipping eggs at the last min?

Either Olive. It's an adapation of Nigella's ritzy chicken. Marinade bits of chicken breast (I work on 2 breasts for 3 kids) in a tub of buttermilk overnight, or for a couple of hours. Use 3 Nairns Organic herby Oatcakes (or similar - Nigella uses ritz crackers but the oatcakes have less salt) per breast. Crumb them - either put them in sealed freezer bag and bash with a rolling pin, or grind with a pestle and mortar - kids love helping with that bit. Take chicken bits out of buttermilk, coat and fry. If you've forgotten to marinade them then dipping in egg works just as well, and I have made them in bulk and frozen before and they come out OK if you cook for 20 minutes from frozen