Not wanting to bring baby to a drinking event

[AliPineNeedles]

I grew up with a family who didn't really drink and I have a glass of wine here or there, but it's just not my scene. My BF has a large friend circle with a big drinking background and every event we get invited to is based on alcohol.

His friends events are beer gardens, pubs, garden parties (not bbqs, just drinks) and watching football with drinks. The other couples bring their babies and seem happy to do so (and one might bring baby home to then nap, while other stays) but I just don't want to keep bringing baby to drink events. BF doesn't drink around baby and we plan events like park/brunches so we can see everyone but then the invites back are always daytime drinks.

I'm happy to see friends for drinks in the evening but not with the babies and keep the daytime events to be something babies might actually enjoy. Am I just being stupid?

What are you worried might happen?

The baby won't care if ppl drink tea or wine.

do people get messy drunk at these events or overly loud for babies' ears? or you just don't like being around alcohol?

As the above poster said, how do the babies know what people are drinking?

I can understand it if you are talking about children that never get to go to soft play or story time at library or what not as parents are pissing it up instead, but this doesn’t seem to be the case with the scenarios you describe. As far as babies are concerned it would make no difference to them if they were sitting in a park or someone’s garden, or sitting on someone’s lounge room floor while parents have brunch versus sitting on someone’s lounge room floor while people had a few drinks.

Thats all based on the premise that people are well behaved at these events. We’ve never avoided alcohol around our kids (now adults) and drank at home and when we went out to BBQ’s etc, taking them with us, but were responsible social drinkers as were our friends. There was never an issue caused by alcohol consumption either at home or anywhere we took our kids, would have been different if there were people who behaved badly with alcohol though.

you say your boyfriend doesn't drink around the baby. would you have an issue with him having a can of beer at home on a saturday night?

People get loud/messy drunk and I don't enjoy that so I'm probably projecting that onto baby. The aim of these events is to get messy and I thought when everyone had kids that might move to the evening and daytimes would be less drink filled

Neither of have drank since son was born, just because we aren't fussed really. BF gets a hangover just looking at beer these days so doesn't bother

I don't see the problem tbh. If you're not drinking and are able to look after the baby, what's the issue?

You’re not being stupid to not like something personally but what do you do about it. They attend your alternative events and invite you to theirs. You can either go or not go but if you keep declining invites you’ll eventually lose your friends.

To be honest, I think things may change as the babies turn into toddlers as they require more active parenting and that is not as easy after a few drinks.

Are these people long term firm friends, because if not, maybe develop friendships with those less devoted to drinking.

Baby won’t know or care - I’d take advantage now before they’re a toddler / child and are more aware. But don’t go if you don’t want to. We go to pub all the time with our baby, and festivals etc.

If people were just sipping a drink and not changing their behavior, I doubt op would be worrying. If they are getting drunk and acting radically differently, then it isn’t a place for children. It also isn’t the kind of event I would want to attend as an adult.

They are long term friends, yes. Childhood friends and very close

They often don't come to the alternatives plans we suggest or what starts with a child friendly idea turns back into drinks

Most of the kids of friends are 4 plus (ours is 16 months) and I'm sure they don't want to be there

You sound a bit judgey of them tbh. I don't see a problem with their approach generally or with going to these events sometimes. Your baby won't come to any harm. If you don't like it that's a different matter but at least be honest with yourself that it's you who's not keen.

I think your last sentence is a bit off. You can't go through your baby's life/childhood only doing "things the baby will enjoy". You need a balance, some things you do will be more geared to adults and that's fine & normal.

I do understand your perspective OP. My exDP was from a family of drinkers and every family event involved being in some kind of pub or bar with a park or field attached, so that the adults could get hammered and the kids could all play together until late. It made me feel quite uncomfortable and when I had DC I stopped going. There was never any limit on intake and fights would frequently start.

I speak as someone who has always enjoyed socialising and loved a party but yes, I did judge them for not being able to moderate their drinking when their kids were with them. I've got no answers for you though I'm afraid, I simply stopped going and they duly slagged me off and thought me pompous.

I'd feel the same as you Op. It doesn't sound like you are judging, just finding the activities based around drinking even more unenjoyable for you now you have a child.
Do you feel like your choice is to either join in with them, and feel like a shit parent, or be the 'boring' non drinking one which might be quite tedious?

In your shoes I'd either get a babysitter for the events I really wanted to go to, and the ones you don't just make a polite excuse or just pop over for a small amount of time.

How do you see the friendship/s panning out over time? Are they likely to be lifelong friends of yours?

I would feel the same as you. It's one thing if people are just having one or two drinks but if they're getting so drunk they are allowed and incoherent then I wouldn't have my children around them.