Almost 8 month old will not be put down, can't cope anymore

[ZeeB68]

Hi,
Looking for advice desperately.
I have 3 children and my youngest will turn 8 months old next week.
Never experienced this with my older 2 children ( they are 8 and 6).

I just need somewhere to talk as I cannot physically cope anymore. I'm just so exhausted and miserable.
My baby still wakes up 4 times a night for feeds, she wakes up inbetween too just crying so I'm not sleeping much at all and when I am it's really distrusted because she doesn't wake up fully but just cries asleep in her cot.

During the day she will not be put down, she wants to be held ALL day and only by me. She won't go to my older children ( if she does it's only for a few minutes) she won't even go to my husband!!
I can't get anything done during the day, I try her bouncer, swing, her play mat on the floor, her walker, toys... she will only sit happily for about 5 minutes of a day and from then on she just looks at me and screams and I can't get anything done. She will only sleep now for about 20 minute intervals. For the last couple of days she has now started screaming in the car too even though she can see me and its just becoming dangerous, I have no choice but to drive to pick my older children up from school and it's just getting to the point now I can't even survive. She won't let me eat, I try waiting till she is asleep to try to eat but she wakes up as soon as I sit down to eat. So she ends up sitting on my lap even then crying. I just genuinely don't know what to do or try anymore. I love my baby so much but I can't cope anymore, I can't even go to the toilet when I need to so I end up holding it in for hours and the dame with eating I give up trying to eat ans throw it in the bin. I can't nap during the day. I'm so exhausted and miserable. I have no energy anymore. I feel so ill, my hair is falling out, I've got massive bags under my eyes. I'm losing weight because I'm not eating. My husband works long hours so I don't have much help and she won't even go to him when he is home. I have no family close to help whilst I have a break. Does anyone please have any advice on what to do because I genuinely can't cope anymore and need a break.

You need to go out and leave her with dad. It will be hard work at first, but persist.

OP, I can feel the pain in your post.

Have you taken her to the GP - silent reflux maybe? Some babies are more high needs than others, but this seems excessive.

My advice would be to sort of accept that she is going to cry, and (once medically cleared) you may not be able to stop it.
But you need to eat, and use the toilet - just so you can survive!

Sleep training might also be your answer, we did the ferber method with our 6 month old daughter who would wake every 45 minutes - within 4 days she was sleeping 3/4 hour chunks.

I just want to say - your doing an amazing job. These moments will pass eventually, its time to put yourself first a bit now though mama x

First of all, you are doing an amazing job- but God it is a hard job! Have you tried using a baby carrier? Not ideal of course but if she just likes to be close to you then that could be a way she can have that while you can also crack on with other things as you have your hands free?

It’s worth knowing as well that often these periods are due to frustration, and once she cracks whatever skill it is she’s learning (crawling/pulling up to stand maybe?), it will ease off again! X

This.

She's crying on you too so what difference is it her crying with dad? You need to start prioritising your health and wellbeing.

How big is your house? Can you hand her to dad and sleep far enough away in another room with earplugs in?

Have you ruled out teething pain? Try painkillers and see if it makes a difference.

How mobile is she? She might cheer up if she starts crawling or walking. Have you tried a door frame bouncer or a walker?

At 8 months old I'd be plonking her down, sticking on some music and dancing my way about my business. Show her everything is fine and crack on.

Do you breastfeed? I'd fill her up with porridge right before bed to see if it helps. Then leave dad to do some night feeds with breastmilk or formula.

Do some sleep training.

Put her down while you eat and go to the toilet. She can cry if she wants, she's expressing her displeasure with the situation and that's fine. It's your job to keep her safe and let her know she's loved. It's not your job to make sure that she never, ever cries, stop trying to achieve the impossible.

My second was like this. It’s bloody hard work. I echo the PP’s that say you are just going to have to let her cry and give her to DH more.

My DD has loads of teeth for a 1 year old and I think a lot of her clinginess was down to teething. I’d be giving calpol and seeing if it eases off a little.

I feel your pain and frustration OP. Could it be colic? One of mine suffered terribly for months,

Just here to say I know how you feel, it's fucking relentless and shit but IT WILL PASS. Sending hugs OP. Xx

I'm so sorry to hear this, my baby was nocturnal and I suffered similar. Drive me up the wall.
Please please please ...get your baby checked over by the doctor (you never know what they could be suffering from, or not as case may be. Bit will be big tick off the list. Let her get used to your elder children and your husband having her ! Seriously you must. I tried to do everything for mine and be there all the time and I've caused huge problems in her with separation anxiety at school and some issues now (MH) she's now 18. Don't try and be Wonder Woman like I did. Xx

My baby would scream and cry when I went to the loo, I ended up not emptying my bladder properly with the panic!. Now looking back I wished I'd just shut two doors and let him cry for two minutes.

just put her down, and let her shout.

My you gest was like this. The best advice I was given was that while they are screaming they are conscious and breathing, so you k ow they are OK.

Crying is fine. Just leave them to it for a bit.

It's worth getting her checked by the doctor in case there is something.

Then try pain relief - if that stops it then you know it's pain,

Otherwise you just have to leave her with your DH and accept she's going to cry.

You need to go to the loo. You need to eat. If she cries while you are doing that, as long as you've had her medically checked and you are pretty sure it's not pain then ignore it (as much as possible) while you go to the loo and eat.

Have you ruled out reflux and cows milk protein allergy or lactose intolerance? Ear infection? Are you sure she isn't in pain? If she hasn't been properly examined by a doctor, that needs to happen asap.

My third baby was very similar. My two other DC were 3 and 6 when he was born. He screamed from the moment he was born and was very sensitive for at least a year. My other children are 12 and 15 now and even they still remember how their brother was quite a demanding baby!! Although they do adore him and wouldn't be without him (especially my eldest, despite the almost 7 year gap!)

He's now a fairly sensitive 9 year old but sociable and very mature for his age. I just don't think he liked being a baby very much!

For the first year or so I carried him almost constantly and woke up to BF him SO MANY times a night. I was so emotional and exhausted it wasn't healthy for me as he only wanted me which sounds lovely but was extremely tiring. After he was one year old I got his Dad more involved and went away for the night with my other DC. Baby screamed A LOT and pointed to our bedroom hoping I was in there 😂 but my DH is very patient and gentle and taught him that night that he was also capable of holding him and settling him! Things changed a lot after that and everyone was much happier! I think he just needed to learn that his Dad was as good as I was (just without the milk 😬).