Mixed feelings about having more kids

[redfox14]

DH and I have a little girl who is almost 1 and a half. I absolutely love her with all my heart DH and I have always said we were happy having one baby together (DH has two children from previous relationship who are a lot older than DD, we see them regularly and we all have a really good relationship together).

Recently DH and I have discussed having another baby in a few years time. We would really like DD to have a sibling a bit closer in age and as much as we didn’t think we would want another baby, we’re now thinking about it.

My only hesitation is that I found pregnancy and the first six months or so of having DD so incredibly tough. I love my daughter more than life itself but I remember thinking at the time that I simply couldn’t do it again. I struggled with PND and PNA for a long time and am worried about experiencing that again. I appreciate that being a second time mum, I might find it easier, but the thought of feeling like that again and also having to look after a baby and a toddler fills me with dread (although we probably wouldn’t even try for another baby until DD was at least three).

I know the newborn/baby stage doesn’t last forever and I’m trying to outweigh that with the thought that my daughter would have a sibling and we would have another child to love. Did anyone else feel similar and what were your experiences? Is it easier the second time around?

I feel exactly the same OP.

It’s fun now, but pregnancy and the first six months were pretty bad. Mine also didn’t sleep through until they were 18m old.

I’m not sure if I can survive the whole process again with good grace.

I’ll probably do it eventually but feel similar. Maybe the second baby will be easier?

I hated the baby and toddler stage and it made the decision for me - I'm not doing that again. No certainty number 2 would be easier and I'm not rolling the dice again.

Do you know what aspects were so hard the first time and whether you can do anything to mitigate that? Eg different birth ideas, planning leave at a certain time or something? Also one good thing second time is I find the first six months you’re more relaxed and go so much faster. You may also have an easier baby!

I felt the same and thought our DD would be it, then over time I felt less sure and when she was just over 2 I just felt ready and a while after went for it. It was much easier second time as my life already revolved around one child so it was no big shock like the first time and with each stage I knew it wouldn’t last forever. It’s good to time a second for when your first is already at nursery as it gives you a bit of breathing space and time to enjoy the new baby

I think it’s great that you get along with your stepkids. I’d work on strengthening sibling bonds with your little one. Four kids is a big family for your DH. Is he up to the task financially, and with regard to the time and commitment needed to parent a large family?

I had mild hyperemesis in the first and third trimesters followed by severe pnd and psychosis that took 2 years to recover from.
My daughter was 3 before I felt well enough to contemplate a second but she has silent reflux which goes in and out of being managed by medication. At 3 she was waking up every 40 minutes and only slept in my arms. She had a her medication changed and I started counselling with my HV focusing on how hard the first year was whilst we tried to get to grips her reflux and multiple food allergies during the first year, the challenges of parenting with mental illness and how to cope with a preschooler with health needs.
It took some time to rejig my medication to ttc but we are now trying for number 2.
It has taken almost a year to go from yesterday a second would be nice to the reality being something we could cope with. I had a 50% chance of getting severe depression before I had my daughter and the second time it would be the same or greater due to my bipolar and history. It will mean our age gap will be upwards of 4 years which I'm ok with. I never had a burning desire for two close together however. There's a 4 and 7 year gap between me and my sister, they have a 11 year gap and we are really close. My dad has gaps between 2y and 21y, he's 1 of 5 so larger age gaps are what I have grown up with. I have a 5y age gap between me and one of my aunties!