2 under 2, no help/childcare - thoughts?

[pistachiopastry]

Hi all, in a couple of months we will have 2 under 2.
Obviously feeling lucky and excited but also daunted by the prospect.
My DH works long hours and travels quite a bit for work overnight so I am often solo parenting. DC1 is not in nursery or any type of childcare (my choice for now) and we have no family nearby to help.

Every mum I know who has had 2 young children/2 under 2, has either:

1. Had the eldest in nursery at least 3 days a week, or mostly 5 days, at the time the new baby was born. So their day was mainly just spent with the baby, plus they then usually had their partner around to help in the evenings and nights.
2. Had a full time nanny and/or night nurse.

Am I crazy to think I will try it alone and see how it goes at first? Or should I plan in advance and find some part time help eg. A nanny to help (especially at bath/bedtime... although my DC1 currently needs a LOT of help,time and encouragement to sleep and still wakes in the night... so not sure how that would go).
It's a fine balance, and dinner, bath and bed times feels like such an intimate family time to be getting a nanny/new person involved too.

Sorry if this post comes across as unthoughtful/privileged/other. Appreciate I am privileged to be able to consider the possibility of getting some paid outside help.

Well as you've said, most people have a second person to help at least some of the time. If you can afford it, why not? Of course you'd manage though - you'd have to!

I think you'll be fine to do this on your own, I think most people do - you seem to know a lot of well off people! But you will have your partner there a lot too

You might find that you don't need help for ages if you're already used to doing it on your own. My second dd is now 7 months (but eldest is 3 so quite different) and things are definitely easier now we're out of those newborn days. They were tough tho and I was so glad of hubby and parent support

I tried and failed to cope well with two small children and a DH working away a lot. It's not for everyone and if you can afford help I'd go for it. What about a cleaner who could come over and tidy while you are doing bedtime?

I think it's going to be much easier for your older child to cope with the child are situation if it's already in place before the new baby turns up.

Obviously, most people don't have childcare like this and deal with two by themselves, but it's hard work and if you can afford help, why not get some?

I would get a nanny who is trained in sleep training in now, so your eldest can get to know them and build a relationship. They can also help you with their sleep so that you're in a better situation when the second one arrives.

I had just under a 2 year gap.
Eldest was at childminder on day per week.

Many times I had to juggle bedtimes on my own and most days it was just the three of us.

It was tough, but we got by! Sling was my best friend, in the house!

3.5 & 1.5 now! And much easier as their needs are broadly similar!

I had 18months gap. And cared for both of them during 2nd mat leave -

i felt it was a waste of money to use a nursery when i'm at home anyway. They kept me busy but it was doable

My sister had x5 children including Twins at the end. Other than normal school, she didn't pay for nannie's/ childcare. she coped fine