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Parenting

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Original poster

working part time with preschool age children? is it really the ideal balance or just the worst of both worlds

18 replies

robinrednomorenowemptybreasts · 07/04/2008 17:55

what do you think?

OP posts:

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fransmom · 07/04/2008 18:01

hi robin x
i am lone parent(through choice)with none of my family nearby (all of his family are erm ,aging) and i used to work pt with dd in childcare on the days that both her father and i were working. we managed it for two more months, i felt that as soon as i finished work, it was a rush to get up to her cm (a mile away and i don't drive) then a rush back for tea time and bath etc. we were both miserable, i felt that i didn't see her enough and i missed her. it didn't help that the atmosphere where i worked was dreadful - i was left out in all ways and i was so unhappy but i thought that being a working mother would provide a good role model for my daughter. i was so unhappy.

the upshot of it was that i made the decision to leave work, a complette leap opf faith and i am happy to say that even though it was hard going for a while, i won't deny that at all, we are now happier (short of normal child tantrums that are thankfully few and far bewtween) than we have ever been, i am now studying an online course in h+s and dd knows that, we are both far more affectionate with each other and feel more relaxed about it.

so in answer to your op, i feel that it really depends on the situation and the people involved.

TurkeyLurkey · 07/04/2008 18:02

For me it was the worst of both worlds. Mothers guilt at work and workers guilt at home.

Lot better now they're both at school though.

hana · 07/04/2008 18:12

have always worked part time since having dd1 ( now 6) have 3 children now and still work 2 days a week. Love working, hate the organization that I have to do just to get out the house and back in at the end of the day. having a cleaner help, and online groceries.

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diplodocus · 07/04/2008 18:14

For me, it's not perfect (agree with TL), but probably as good as it gets.

PrimulaVeris · 07/04/2008 18:18

Depends on what suits you

I always worked full time with 2, then went part time when eldest started school.

Good and bad points on both ways of working - both decisions right for circumstances at the time. Never felt guilty either way.

Spoo · 07/04/2008 18:22

For me it has been brilliant. I work 18 hours a week over 3 days. I feel like I get enough time with the kids and enough brain time for myself. They go to nursery 3 short days a week so getting up and bed times are not as stressful as I imagine. I also work contract which relieves the guilt as I am only being paid for what I do - therefore I never bring work home. Great if you can afford it.

slng · 07/04/2008 18:28

I work part-time - five mornings till 1pm. I didn't want the children to be in nursery all day, but the rush to work and back is terrible,
and you do miss out on some opportunities, and there's not much socialising ... Other than that I love begin with the kids in the afternoons and never feel guilty about not working then! I also like my job very much but am not too bothered about advancing at the moment. I agree with the dinosaur - I think it might well be as good as it gets.

paddyclamp · 07/04/2008 21:47

For me it's the best of both worlds! Love the days off with my kids, love the peace and social side of work not to mention the mental stimulation.

Best thing i ever did! Must say DH is pretty hands on, helping gettin kids ready for nursery etc otherwise it'd be chaos!

cat64 · 07/04/2008 22:14

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llareggub · 07/04/2008 22:31

I've just negotiated part time working. DS is 18 months and I returned to work full time when he was 6 months. I've struggled a bit to adjust to full time working with a baby and the hardest thing was spending time with him over my last week of annual leave and realising he could do things that I hadn't noticed.

My job is challenging but stressful and I am happy to reduce my hours for the next few years and enjoy some time at home with my son. I anticipate having my children, getting them off to school and then seeing how I feel.

I feel utterly relieved to being going part time, frankly. I felt I wasn't dedicated enough to be full time and rubbish with DS as a result. This isn't a judgement on others, by the way, I know many other people manage this balance but I've found it really hard.

llynnnn · 08/04/2008 21:20

pretty perfect for me. dd is 20mths now and i work 3 days. she is in nursery 2 days and with my mum the other and loves it and i really love the days i spend with her, but also enjoy the brain days at work.

the only downside is i feel my work dont value me as much as a full timer, even though i work soooo hard to cram almost the same amount of work i used to do ft into pt hours!! and dont think they would even consider me for promotion etc while i only do pt. none of this really matters to me at the mo though as dd is top priority, think it will make me go back ft (or find something new!) once she is at school though! This is probably just the company i work for though, sure they are not all the same!!

pepperrabbit · 08/04/2008 21:29

I agree with most of these posts, 2 DSs and I work 2 days a week, the organisation is hideous, and the stress of any potential illness looms every Wed evening but i wouldn't change it. They're happy sociable boys, love nursery and enjoy seeing my mum once a week for my early start (she gets them up after I leave for work).
At work, I get to be a grown up, have a responsible and challenging job - though I can't really describe it as a career at the mo - as someone says, once you're part time, even if you're super human, you're last duck in the line for a promotion/bonus/decent payrise.

mousehole · 08/04/2008 21:34

This reply has been withdrawn

withdrawn at poster's request

llynnnn · 08/04/2008 21:42

mousehole, can I come and work for you please!!

TheArmadillo · 08/04/2008 21:46

fab for me.
The only thing I miss out on is socialising with others during week (cos days off never match up).

Tried full time (temping) and although only did it for 2 weeks I hated it.

Staying at home full time drove me mad.

Ideal compromise and the extra money helps.

But it also helps that I love my job and also the majority of the people in my bit are part time (and all but one are women funnily enough).

Dp works full time hours but crammed into 4 days - so apart from 1 day a week there is always one of us off.

IT can be the ideal balance. With the right job.

mousehole · 08/04/2008 21:53

This reply has been withdrawn

withdrawn at poster's request

llynnnn · 08/04/2008 22:05

wow sounds so flexible, wish there were more understanding companies and employers out there. i asked to change just one of my days a while ago as i HAD to move dd to a diff nursery. It makes NO difference to them which days i'm there as the job still gets done and theres still the same cover there etc the rest of the week, they agreed but with a lot of huffing and puffing! it makes me never want to ask for anything in the future!

Pinchypants · 09/04/2008 10:47

This is so interesting - it's such a personal thing isn't it?

I was a freelance writer and lifecoach before having DD so was used to working from home office and managing my own time. Found it very, very tricky when I put her in nursery for two full days a week when she was seven months, having just about kept things going around her naps until then (She was in a routine from early on - I couldn't have done this otherwise). She wasn't sleeping and was overtired and miserable, and I had PND. A horrid time.

Everything improved when I switched to Mon-Thur mornings at nursery when she was 11 months - we were both happier and have a great rhythmn to our mornings and our week, and every afternoon after her nap we have time together, plus Fridays. So I drop her at nursery at 8.30, pick her up at 1, she sleeps until 2.30-3pm and then my work finishes when I hear her stirring on the monitor. This really works, for me and her, financially and emotionally. It wouldn't suit everybody.

I was inspired by my own experiences after having DD to focus my life coaching business on new mums - I set up The Mother Mentor to help mums work out the best answer to this very question for them, as well as other areas of the highs and lows of new motherhood.

There is no set answer - every mum and every family has different needs, desires and pressures, and it's about finding out what works for you. I think it is always possible to find a way of making the balance work for you - it might take some time, and I don't think the guilt ever completely goes away, though!

I don't know if things would have been easier or harder for me and DD if I had been an employee rather than running my own business and under all the different pressures and decision that that brings.

Now everything is going like clockwork, of course I'm expecting number two this summer... and feel rather more confident that I can probably make things tick along with two pre-schoolers after a few months off.

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