DS9 - toys, TV and play.

[chapuccino]

DS9 has never really been into toys or getting a toy out to play with. He prefers someone to do active play with him and he would watch TV all day if I let him (same for gaming - I have to limit it otherwise he is glued for hours). He played with toys with his brother up until about 4.

His brother (8) likes his toys and they will play lots together but then he needs chunks of alone time to play in his own little world.

DS9 will then mope around sulking, waiting for the next 'thing' to happen or someone to play with him or set something up for him.

He tires himself out playing football/ball games in the garden then just wants the TV on all the time. He find the remote and puts it on himself. His toys/crafts/books left untouched.

The only 'sitting' thing he wants to do when he needs to rest is watch TV. This is fine to a point but he's clocking up quite a few hours. He will only read in bed at night. He does play with kinetic sand for 20 mins which is unheard of with anything else. He likes friends to play his toys/games with him and told me age 4 he hates playing alone. We have playdates.

Looking for some non-screen activities for the summer. Stuff like the kinetic sand he can play outside.

Do you let your 9 year old have free reign on the TV remote or does he still have to ask to watch TV?

My 9 year old is the same. I think because he was the first born and was used to me setting things up for him he struggles to come up with ideas.
As well as his Nintendo Switch 😂 , when I can peel him off it he does still love Hot Wheels, his wooden train track, he likes colouring in a Premier League colouring book I got from Amazon and various arts and crafts. He also likes subbutteo and my husbands foosball table (although requires another person to play)
He has a 4 year old sister (who will come up with ideas herself) so will sometimes engage in her activities like play dough etc.
Its hard because school is ramping up in intensity and I think they just like to slump when they get in and switch off.

I have a 10yo DD who also had limited interest in toys when younger. I felt quite sad about her recent birthday, as she didn't have any toys at all for the first time. Even though she was very happy with her gifts, it seems very young to be the end of that era. She does have other interests though - some she has discovered herself, some she was strongly encouraged into and have stuck. The interests she discovered herself were down to limiting screen time when she was younger, as she had to fill her time somehow, and getting her out of the house as much as possible. She tried lots of different things (I've always had a variety of toys, crafts, games, books, STEM stuff etc available), and is currently settled on reading, sewing (she bought herself a machine), drawing and writing stories as well as Cubs and 2 sports.
We don't limit screen time any more as it isn't an issue. She swims competitively, so that takes a good chunk of hours each week, and at home she will often choose to do her hobbies over TV. There are so few hours left after that, that I have no issue if she spends the rest on a screen.

In your situation, I would be putting hard limits in place with a couple of evenings each week out of the house at extracurriculars and plenty of built in time to be bored at home. It will take some time to adjust, and will initially need a lot of input from you to provide equipment or teach skills (I had to teach DD how to hand sew and use her machine for example), but these things quickly become the new normal if firmly enforced IME. I took the approach that everyone has at least one thing they love doing and are good at, and it was my job to help DDs find theirs.

I would say at 9, he might be too old for toys but actually is it fair to say his preference for how he plays had limited his interest/ability to develop skills to entertain himself?
Being extroverted in his tendency to seek entertainment isn't bad but it may be limiting.
I totally relate to this and it's probably a more modern parenting problem.
Can you look for activities that build on his skills so that he doesn't need actual "help" but you can offer a sliding scale of encouragement once he gets going?
First thing thst comes to mind is comics or animation. If he likes shows on TV then he can use them for inspiration and you can initially be more involved to help with the designs and ideas but slowly encourage more and more independence in the production.
If animation can he use some tech like a camera to take photos and then some basic editing to make little shows or films? My 6 Yr old has the stick men and green screen. There's different phone apps that make stop motion very accessible for children. The great thing about TV licensing now is you'll probably have some models or things already!
Making a "set" in the sand pit can be very engrossing and actually lead to lots of open ended play. Mapping out stories and sharing them with friends is a great play date too.

My 6 yr old is the same, never massively into toys, he loves board games but obviously he can’t play those alone, also jigsaws but still likes my imput. Recently started doing paint by numbers but otherwise he just likes screen time. I do think boys are more into switch/iPad than girls. School is full on, he swims twice a week which he loves, is sociable and has lots of friends, reading/writing is ahead of his age and actually a lot of the things he learns about and tells me are from watching things on iPad. We do days out etc so I’m not too bothered but do sometimes worry he has too much iPad time. I like to unwind with tv/phone and I think he’s just the same and it’s the way the world is now

My 9yo daughter is similarly bad at entertaining herself. To answer your question about screen time, no she doesn't have unlimited screen time, we have TV in the morning, an hour after lunch, and family TV around the tea time slot. She doesn't play computer games. Not out of principle, she's not interested. No real definitive solutions. Last hols I made a 'bored box' with mixed things to do on slips of paper, she had to pull 2 out and pick one to do. I wrote all sorts, some examples are things like Lego, learn to draw an animal, marble run, daytime bath, chalk maze, rollarskate, run around the block, 50 star jumps, timetables, violin practice, write a story, learn a dance off YouTube. Worked quite well in that she was keen on the idea. But she always wanted to run round the block!

My 7yo ds happily plays by himself for hours, Lego, playmobil, drawing and reads.

My step son was like this, he's 14 now so out with his mates a lot but he never really played when he was younger. He does have ADHD so struggles to concentrate on something for any length of time. If your son likes football have you considered some other active toys rather than him sitting playing with action figures or doing crafts? My SS used to like me to set up cones etc in the garden for his football skills as well. Have a look at DriibleUp too, it's an indoor football skills ball that comes with an app. As SS was so active, I didn't worry too much about limiting screen time after he'd been playing out.