Hi, apologies if this is long - I just don't know where to get non bias advice. I left my ex husband December 2020, went to a women's refuge as he was emotionally abusive, controlling & manipulative. When I came out (was only there for a month, managed to get a private rent) my ex had three weekends a month & I had the rest of the time. He was living back with his mum at the time and that worked for him. Since then, arrangements have changed a few times - starting with him having them every other weekend and dropping them back on a sunday, and then an additional Friday night on my weekend once a month. Then he wanted more time so he now keeps them the Sunday night and drops them off at school on the Monday.
A few months ago he asked for more overnights and I selfishly said no, but that he could have them for tea whenever he wanted. That wasn't good enough so he took nothing at all. He's then this week asked again for one overnight a week..I compromised and said that yes he could have them one extra night a week, if I could have my Friday/Saturday back on my weekend, but that he could have them for a Sunday afternoon to make some time up. Him and his (long term) girlfriend have flipped at me, and are now saying they're going to take me to court and I'm filled with anxiety about it!
For context, he's disputed paying child maintenance multiple times over the three years - trying to pay less, trying to come away from CMS & do it ourselves, he even disputed a child maintenance raise after he had a pay rise but he lost the appeal, he then added his girlfriend's children to his claim so that lowered my maintenance. I'm worried that he doesn't actually want the extra time with the kids - otherwise he'd have bitten my hand off when I've offered him tea times and Sunday afternoons and I think it's actually because only overnight stays count to child maintenance.
He pays me a decent amount a month child maintenance because he earns a good amount, and because of that I never ask him for anything! I pay all school trips (including an expensive one I'm currently paying off for PGL), all uniforms etc. He also doesn't have a relationship with his mum or sisters anymore, but they absolutely adore our children so I let them go to their Nans for tea once a week otherwise they would completely lose contact with them, which comes out of my time with the kids but what choice do I have? I don't feel like I get much quality time with the children as it is once we are home from work/school, so the thought of seeing them less kills me. He's taking me to court for the sake of one night a month? In my head I know it's because that's 12 nights towards his child maintenance being lowered - but I can't say that and surely in court I couldn't prove that! I let him have extra time in school holidays - he had them for the whole of May half term as he took them on holiday and he often has them extra in summer. I'm flexible when it comes to one offs like fathers day falls on my weekend, so he's having the Saturday afternoon & Sunday until 4pm..he's got a work family event on my birthday weekend, I'm letting him take the children even though I would rather them be with me to celebrate. His girlfriend does the pick ups and school drop offs on his weekends, so she'd be doing them on his extra time too..plus the kids have come back plenty of times saying their dad was out for whatever reason. I'm grateful to their step mum for doing it all - but surely if they go to their dad's house it should be because he's there? I don't know if I'm being selfish, and I'm ready to hear it if I am! To recap - he wants one night a week every week, plus every other weekend, plus 3pm-3pm on a Fri/sat on one of my weekends. I'm offering one night a week, every other weekend, plus a Sunday afternoon. Surely this is not worth going to court over!?