Bathroom downstairs

[Immy1]

Question for parents with only a downstairs bathroom - bedrooms upstairs.

At what age did you start letting your children go downstairs alone in the mornings?

I have a 4yo and 7yo-ASD

7yo wakes a few times a night and 4yo wakes early (5-6am now it’s lighter) and then wakes his brother.

should I be concerned that their father is allowing them to go downstairs on their own to the bathroom? Of which they end up just sitting downstairs on their own on their tablets until their father wakes up.
(the bathroom is also through the kitchen)
or is this usual for households with a bathroom downstairs?

their father and I are not together anymore.

at home with me, the boys come into my room when they wake up - I wake when I hear them get out of bed as I still have a sound-only baby monitor due to 7yo ASD and night waking, and I hear them use the bathroom next to my room.
we have a cuddle, talk about our dreams and then get up and go downstairs together. If it’s before 6am I take them back to their beds, sometimes they go back to sleep for a little while.

I also always have my bedroom door fully open unless I’m getting changed.

i can’t really get a clear answer from my boys as to why they don’t go into their fathers room when they wake up, like they do at home.

im not really sure what to do, as I do feel concerned. I have mentioned my concerns to their father, but he’s not responding to me.

am I just being overly paranoid?

is this something I just need to suck my feelings up on?

I think yabu.
It's your choice to get up so early with your kids...
It's just a difference in parenting here.
I personallycdo not get up before 7am with my kids. They are allowed to wake up whenever they like but they need to be quiet and not wake anyone else until 7am.
My middle is 5. This was the case when she was 4. (Youngest is still under 1 so Obviously I do wake when she wakes)
What I would ask tho is if the kitchen is safe.. we had a bolt on our kitchen door we shut whilst asleep so kids could not access the kitchen whilst we were in bed. We had this until our middle was 3... however our eldest is 3 years older and very sensible.. aldo an early riser.. so by the time my middle was 3yo he would usually be downstairs from 6am and would tell her not to go in the kitchen if she came down/tell us if there was any problem. I would have kept the bolt on the door longer than that if my older wasn't so sensible.
However our kitchen was particularly dangerous as you couldn't turn the oven off at the wall.. so I was afraid she might fiddle with the knobs etc..
Lots of people have much safer kitchens so maybe wouldn't be that bothered about a 4 and 7yo accessing them unattended. Depends really.

Depends on a few things:

Are they sensible children? One 4 year old nearly 5 year old might be fine, another just turned 4 might not be.

The older child has ASD, but you don't say how this impacts them. Do they struggle to do basic tasks, to communicate, do they get distressed?

Is everything safe downstairs? Cabinets locked, medication out of reach etc etc?

You've not mentioned any issues so far. If their dad has agreed with them that they should play quietly while he has an extra half hour or hour, it's certainly no different to what my parents did from the age of 4/5 with me. If he's lying in until noon and they're on iPads for hours with no breakfast I wouldn't be happy.

I'd make sure everything is safe, have a talk with them about rules and what to do if they need me, leave cereal and bowls on the table, and sleep for max one hour longer than them.

It depends on the children ultimately. Some would be fine, some not.

I left a lot of information out on purpose, as honestly it just way too easy to point out all the bad parenting my ex does.
and I wanted an unbiased opinion based on young children being left alone downstairs whilst the parent is upstairs and asleep.

I actually don’t know how safe my ex’s house is, or what safety measures he has put in place for allowing the boys to be left unattended.

and I have asked, but he just doesn’t respond.

my sons ASD varies, he can be very placid and happy to be left alone, or he can have a million questions he needs answers to right that second, or he can be violent and aggressive. He has very subtle triggers, so it’s not always obvious what’s happened to cause his behaviour.

he stims by spinning around on his tiptoes, so if the floor isn’t clear he will trip over.

his little brother often copies him but will purposely try bumping into him or falling over by his feet which causes meltdowns from my 7yo, which are aggressive.
some things are getting easier as he gets older, but other things are getting worse - like it actually hurts now when he hits me, and he’s strong enough to push/pull me to the ground if I’m not expecting it and bracing myself.

my 4yo is highly curious and a climber.

he can climb onto kitchen counters and he’s fast. I’ve come out of the bathroom before to find him climbing into the top cupboards trying to get to the sweets.
he’s also dragged chairs around or stacked up toys to be able to reach places.

I also have 4 older teenagers, so I don’t feel like I’m being over protective like say a first time parent might be.