Guilt about not being able to fully breastfeed and to now combination feed

[HazelEagle]

Hi all - I really wanted to feed our newborn exclusively however it has become really difficult having pumping constantly and not having enough supply for a feed. This meant we had to introduce formula to top him up.

Ive tried nipple shields and it just hurts and im thinking about combination feeding with pumping (expressed breast milk) around 4 times a day with the rest being formula.

However i just feel so guilty for our LO like im letting him down not being able to exclusively give him breast milk. Also worry about the developmental impacts of this too, giving him formula as they always say breast is breast.

My daughter was checked 3 times by the infant feeding team. She's nearly 4 now and I think I can see a tongue tie. Her tongue is mobile like mine and I think this movement tricked them. The middle of her tongue doesn't move as much as the sides and the middle of her tongue doesn't reach the top of her mouth but she is able to stick it out and lick her nose.
I don't know if it would make any difference to us but I do kick myself about not getting it assessed by someone else but covid and severe pnd and a baby that screamed all the time meant looking into it was beyond my ability at the time

As others have pointed out - your baby is still getting breastmilk! You’re doing an amazing job figuring out what works. Go you!!

That’s interesting she can lick her nose but not get the middle of her tongue to the top of her mouth. It does sound like she could have a tie then. But good news she can lick an ice cream and hopefully doesn’t have any speech issues. I have an adult friend who got hers snipped as an adult as she couldn’t clear food from her teeth! Covid was a nightmare for TT snips so please don’t kick yourself!

Unfortunately no ice-cream due to allergies but if she does have a tie it doesn't seem to impact her. She has severe silent reflux which is hasn't outgrown aged almost 4 so whether we would have had an easier reflux journey if it had been cut when she was younger we don't know.
I have a very mobile tongue and can also lick my nose and make it form different shapes so maybe inheriting this has limited the impact tongue tie had
I'm not adverse to getting it snipped if there's a benefit. She has a very very slight lisp but no other issues with speech. It does seem to be up down movement that is more restricted than in out so it probably mild if she has one.

Hun how old is your baby? Just to tell you, the nipples eventually stop hurting, its only at the first weeks. Midwives never seem to mention thise things... Just push through it if you really want to breastfeed, then it doesnt feel like anything at all, it doesnt last very long. My baby was practically day and night non stop on the boob, you dont have to top with formula, just let the baby on the boob as much as it wants. This soon settles aswell. Pumping and avoiding breastfeeding will probably prolong everything, just accept it for now it will hurt and youre doing it for the baby and very soon the pain will go away! I promise you! Its not the babys latch, i dont know what it is, it just hurts at the beginning .

(But if you end up just formula feeding dont feel guilty please, babys fed!im just speaking from expirience. I didnt know these things with my first and i gave up aswell, it hurt too much, i thought theres not enough milk...turned to formula... but with second i knew..and i was prepared and all was fine. You only make little bit of milk, they only drink little bit... do u panic when u start pumping cause bottles are not full etc.. dont! Boobs make as much as baby feeds, not like a cow litlers to feed whole family 😉 )

Oh and buy lanolin gel for nipples, think that was the name of it, put after every feed , you dont have to wipe it off aswell, really helps

Ds2 had tongue tie and didn't latch for first few weeks. He kept sticking his tongue out. It was v painful and unproductive feeding him. I exclusively formula fed him. But because he was a twin I was feeding his sister, and by six weeks he had matured sufficiently to latch properly. He had a bad cold and I just felt he needed breast milk, and feeding seemed to just come more naturally. I did combination feed with formula though but that was because I was worn down by dealing with twins and keeping up supply/weight. Partly a confidence time and motion issue. In retrospect more ready meals, more support would have helped boost supply in early days. But, Skin to skin and babymoons and demand feeding really really helped boost my supply and confidence. By six months they were getting all their milk feeds from the breast (when I introduced food, I dropped the combination top up bottles of formula)

If combination feeding keeps the breastfeeding going it can be a blessing but I mean actual bfng not pumping.

Ds2 had a very shallow latch. It is so important to check how they are getting a "mouthful". It's excruciating if they use your nipple like a straw and the pain won't go away however long you persevere if that's what's happening

Don’t feel guilty OP you are doing everything you can for your baby. If you really want to continue trying with the breast milk - what pump do you have? I had to try a few before they were any good and ended up buying a Philips AVENT pump second hand. The one I was loaned by the midwives was rubbish. Once my supply was well established I switched to an Elvie pump (again second hand) which was soo much better. Eventually got to the point of not needing the pumps. Whatever breastfeeding support you can get keep it up through the transition phase as I had a false start dropping the pumps too quickly.

Also agree with poster above, we had a very shallow latch, once baby and I learned to get a fuller latch things really improved. If you think this might be the issue squeezing your boob like a sandwich and basically shoving it in might help!
We struggled for weeks but once we were through it we could enjoy the baby bubble. A friend ended up having to do formula, it wasn’t what she had wanted but it was the best thing for her and her baby. Also your baby will have had the benefits of breast milk from the early weeks.

Edit to say: try contacting La Leche League if you haven’t already, I spoke to them on the phone and they were so helpful and supportive and had lots of advice I didn’t get from the feeding team or midwives. There may be local support near you as well worth googling.