“Lost” myself since having DS. When do you feel yourself again?

[Starmonkeys]

I’m 14 months post partum and still don’t feel like “me”. I try and do things I used to love and enjoy before having my son but nothing feels the same anymore. My body has changed, my friendships have changed, and to an extent my marriage as less date nights / time together alone! Life is such a rush. I work Monday - Wednesday and the evenings are a rush and very busy.

I love my DS and do not regret having him at all, just so many life changes! We also went through a couple of losses before having him, so the last few years have just been miscarriages/anxiety/pregnancy and then parenthood!

No advice OP but just to say I could’ve written this word for word. My DS is just 15 months, also went through a traumatic loss before him so incredibly grateful to have him, but I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore, and every single part of my life has changed unrecognisably. I love being his mum but I do feel like that’s all I am, the old me feels completely lost. You are not alone x

Just to say you're not alone! It is tough when they're really small.. life feels very much like feed/change/burp/Clean/shop/cook... can feel quite mundane even if you love being a mum. I feel similarly... have 2.5yo twins and I used to think of many things I liked about myself but feel like I'm almost a different person now... body has totally changed and I don't have the time for myself/hobbies and things that made me me. But I heard a quote 'the colour will come back into your life'... do you plan on sending your little one to nursery? For us that was when it got a bit less crazy. Can you do something that you used to like doing even if it's small... or buy yourself an item of clothing that isn't mumsy. I got sick of all the dull blue and white striped everything!!!

It's taken me 11 years

DD is 4 and I'm nearly there.

I think it's the most seismic change that most adults will ever go through, in terms of how it changes your life forever. It does get easier. Youngest (of 3) has just turned 4 and we're very much coming out of the weeds. Be gentle with yourself, and your expectations.
That said, I can't say I ever had the 'lost myself' feeling, although I know it's very common. I think it helped being quite introverted to begin with, so the huge curtailment of freedom affected me less perhaps than it did others. But also I had a hobby that could be done at home, on a laptop, whenever I had a quiet moment not porn. So that really helped in terms of giving me another outlet.
Do you have childcare, and are you happy to leave baby overnight yet? (I wasn't at that age, so no judgment here!)

I could have written this. 13 month old, two losses before that. Grateful but feeling very frazzled at mo and feel like I'm just surviving each day

It's an unbelievable change. There's nothing like it.

I've tried to lean into it and create new "me". I've taken up cycling and take my toddler along with me in the bike seat. It's done wonders for my mental health and we go off on little adventures together. Started him at nursery 3 days a week from the age of 2, I work 2 days and have a day to myself. We've made a lot of effort to get to know other parents in the area and now we have a large group of new friends for support and social life.

I still have so much weight to lose which is dragging me down. Miss that part of the old me and I'm struggling to get back there. We're considering another child and the thought of doing it all again is just 😑 wish I could skip past the pregnancy and just get on with baby being here.

2.5 years and getting back to my hobbies and more evenings/days out with friends. Body is not the same which initially I struggled with but am OK with it now.
Take time for yourself and what you enjoy.

We started over and now have a 16 month old, with two older children 9 &11. I feel much the same. After having the first two I thought I’d be able to quell the feeling, and while I knew it was coming, it’s happened again. I can assure you though you’ll get back to yourself. Just give it some time

I didn't for a few years. Once in school and not so much a 24/7 role (I went with the 'unless I hear did deferent they are doing ok' attitude when they were out of my care) things got a bit better.
Having kids means there's now a huge part of yourself now concerned with another's wellbeing. It never goes away. My kids are 19 and 20 now and they are still a major factor in my day. Of course not all consuming, but still my number one factor in my day (even with one living on their own now). Maybe when they are properly independent and settled? I'll still be their parent!

I saw a psychotherapist around that time. One thing that stuck with me is that she said that having a baby (especially the first one) was a „perfect storm” - the physical changes themselves would shake you, the experience of birth would, the caring for a baby would, the change of lifestyle, the impact on relationships… and it ALL happens at once. I remember listening to a song that means something to me when my child was 5 and feeling a weird connection to my old self - like „oh, I’m back!” - old self, but better with all the experience! You’re not alone Xxxx