Ex is an alcoholic lying to children

[Tae24]

I have tried social services. Not interested. I have been separated for 9 years from
my ex. He was always a big drinker but it’s gotten worse. He sent his dad to pick up our 12 year old daughter as he’s too drunk to do so. He has told myself and our children that he’s dying of stomach cancer and hasn’t got long left. Then he had organ failure. All of this is not true. I have spoken to his family and they have said none of it’s true he just is constantly pissed. He is destroying our 12 year old by his lies. His dad will now have nothing to do with him as he can’t help him. Our daughter is distraught by all the lies and also worried as she knows he’s drinking. I just want to protect her. He is supposed to be picking her up Friday and I’m worried if he does that he will be over the limit. I am at my wits end. He’s a nasty narcissistic person. Any advice on where to go would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

I don't think children should be around someone that's always drunk or on drugs but I realise it's very difficult. They need to understand what addiction means ie they can never take their dad seriously. My ex was the same but he actually ended up not physically being able to drink anymore

I would stop her from going with him for visits, to be completely honest. He doesn't sound well enough to be parenting without support. If his parents will not provide the support and supervision, I would stop the visits and put the responsibility on him to sort himself out.

Your dd is ultimately your primary responsibility. It's not to parent him through his addiction (I say this as a recovering alcoholic). Only he can sort himself out. You protect your child.

If your dd really does want to see him and you think if it safe for her to do so in limited ways in public, then I'd offer to have her meet him for breakfast or coffee or something. You drive her there and drop her off and collect her after. No driving and no overnights.

Have you spoken to your dd's school? They can hopefully offer her some support.