Boy next door always sat in his window

[TapestryQueen]

Just curious what people think.

I have two boys, 2 and 4.5, and as I'm currently not working, we spend a lot of time in our garden. Boy next door is a week younger than my eldest and attends same preschool. Boy lives with his dad and stepmum, and does not have contact with his biological mum, I'm not sure of the reasons and not my place to know.

Every single time, and I really do mean literally every single time, that we go in the garden, the boy is sat on his windowsill on his own. Up until a week or so ago his window would be open and he would chat to my sons from his window while they were playing in garden. However, my eldest asked him if he could come round and play, and the boy responded that his dad has jobs for him to do, and ever since then his window has been closed. When people visit mine they notice him too and comment on it.

I have lived in the property for almost a year now, on a new build estate with a very large park, and never once have I seen him go there. He never seems to be taken out at all. I am aware that his dad is a PC gamer and virtually every time I pull into my driveway I can see him sat playing games on his PC while his son is upstairs.

I'm a fairly laid back person and I'm not saying he should be out and about all the time, but it makes me so sad seeing the little boy in the window all the time, he always waves at us and often looks sad, and I think he must be jealous seeing my sons having fun on the trampoline etc. I'm not saying he's being abused or anything and I certainly don't feel it warrants social services but it just isn't sitting right with me seeing him sat on his windowsill come rain or shine. Don't know if I'm just being silly though! I'm wondering whether to invite him round for a play date or something? What do people think?

Gosh yes I would find this very worrying!

I would try inviting him round for a play date. Knock on the door and see what dad thinks? His response might be telling.

Definitely ask. And I wouldnt be ruling out ss just yet. Its concerning that he obviously wants to come out to play, but felt like he couldnt even ask his dad

I'm a 'keep out if everyone business' kind of girl. But I would find this worrying.
I'm not sure what you can do though ?!

Could you speak to the parents and ask him over for a play date?

Are they approachable?

Every child in less than perfect circumstances, the most important thing they need is a kind, healthy, unpaid adult who keeps an eye out. If you can be that person, that's great. Playdate sounds like a good start.

That's so sad.

I would pop round and ask his dad if he'd like to come play for an hour one day and take it from there.

If they just want him out the way, he might let him but be mindful he doesn't start sending him round all the time if he agrees.

I would knock on and just offer a little hour Playdate for the child. It may help you gauge better by their response.

What a shame 😣 my little.boy is nearly 4 and it makes me sad to think of him just sitting there on his own all the time.

I agree

So are you saying that on a daily basis, when you go outside this boy is always in the window? I do think this is a social work issue actually. You don’t have to have other evidence of abuse, you can just call and say that something isn’t sitting right with you. You don’t know what other info they have.

I agree with this. If he's at school I'd ring them and speak to the safeguarding officer too.

If something doesn't look right then it needs reporting in case he needs help.

Thanks all, I wasn't sure if I'd come across as a bit of a nosey neighbour so appreciate the replies.

I did actually invite him to my son's birthday party in December, and they did turn up, and the dad said to me it was the only birthday party he's ever been invited to. He and his partner seem okay to chat to, nice enough, quite strange, swords on their living room walls and such, but that's fine by me and each to their own etc. I do get a weird vibe from the dad that I can't put my finger on but that doesn't really count for anything. So really hard to gauge.

I think when I next see the dad or his partner at preschool dropoff / collection, I'll casually suggest a play date and see what they say. I keep trying to think of a logical explanation but I can't think of one.

I did think about chatting with the staff but I feel really awkward about doing that, I suppose they may be able to subtly chat to the boy about things at home, I'm not sure.

@Beginningless yes unfortunately it is daily. Today we've been in the garden 5/6 times throughout the day and he's been there every time. A selfish concern I have is that if I did contact social services, they would absolutely know it was me who made the call. Obviously more important that the boy is not being neglected, though.

Yeah I think it should be a social services referral. This isn't right at all.

You don't have to chat to the staff in person, you can always call them anonymously and ask to speak to the safeguarding lead and just outline your concerns.

This is really sad and I would possibly count it as emotional neglect, depending on what’s actually going on. I would speak to social services and also to the safeguarding lead at the preschool.

I'd be speaking to the nursery manager.

I'd report it to the school and ask advise

I would absolutely be asking for a confidential chat with the nursery manager/ safeguarding lead.
I would also invite the boy round, just go
knock on the door ideally in the moment when you see him at the window and your kids are out playing.
I’m not surprised you’re worried, I would
be too and as a pp said, children need adults to advocate for them when they can’t do it themselves.
Btw I think it very strange for a 4yo to say he has ‘jobs to do’ - what jobs do 4 yos have?!

I do understand the anxiety and some referrals it’s pretty hard to anonymise if no one else could have seen that. I hate to say it as I’m not judging you, I know this is real life and you have to live with the consequences, but every significant child neglect review is littered with opportunities people had to intervene but they didn’t take it as they wanted to see the best in people, didn’t want to pry etc. You know that a child that age alone in their room 5/6 times over one day is not normal, or a child that age ‘doing jobs’ isn’t really normal either. I actually think he could be sitting there hoping you will help, making himself deliberately visible?

When I was a child, there were 2 neighbours that looked out for me & it meant the world to me. It made me feel better & safer. They asked my mum if I could play at theirs & they always talked & waved at me. I absolutely knew they were looking out for me. I’m not saying he is neglected but just incase he is.

I would offer short bursts. “Could xxx come & play for half hour” type thing.

I’d be contacting social services as well as raising this with the safeguarding lead at nursery. This isn’t normal behaviour by a child this age.

How sad for this little boy, this doesn't sit right with me either. Do they have a garden OP, why isn't the little boy allowed to play in his garden, it sounds cruel that he's kept inside all the time!

How do you know they have "strange sowrds on living room wall"??
Have you been inside??

I don't follow what is "stranger" as some people do have stuff on their wall that is not to our taste

What are you trying to say re "swords" = thanks in advance

yes like a few others - tell the pre-school, and ask what they will do then stay out of their business IMO

I'd start by knocking on their door and asking if little one wants to come over and play in the garden with yours? Then you can casually chat with the little boy about what he likes doing etc. I'd definitely think about reporting to social services as well. They will be discreet and won't out you.

I agree with this . It's such a sad situation.