Have I gave my son anxiety

[gemsx]

I have suffered since I was young as long as I can remember was diagnosed at 10 (I’m 27 now). My mum is an anxious person I mean to the point where I was 18 trying to go on a walk and she said no because what if there’s a gang lurking ?

she’s always put anxious thoughts in my head and I feel bad saying this - I resent her a bit for it

im trying my best for my kids so they’re different and have better. My anxiousness / me having anxiety has ruled most of my life and it makes me sad I have missed out and still do on so much.

my 2.5 yo son is a bit nervous atm. If someone says hi he says nooo and hugs me. Even now when we’re out walking he’s running away from dogs (we have a lovely calm dog who barks at the doorbell but that’s it) and birds ? But he wasn’t like this months ago
hes very stranger danger and I his comfort

We just went to soft play and he was having a meltdown if a kid was on something he wants or walking towards him or trying to play? He was saying. Noooo kids and I’m unsure why he goes to nursery 3 days and they say he loves playing !
he was so axnous here and didn’t want to be near other kids which you can imagine is hard to avoid on a Sunday at a soft play haha

have I give him anxiety? Someone please tell me this is a phase I can help Him through

im worried as I am so anxious and it’s mainly me on my own with him as DH works long hours so I’m worried me being the default parent won’t be good for him I’m scared

Won’t be good for him aka him become so anxious like me and then grow up resenting me

please tel me I haven’t give him anxiety

Bumping xx

Yes, you probably have subconsciously communicated to him that the world is a scary place. But now you know, you can start to put it right by modelling confident behaviour around him. Start by chatting to strangers in the shops or at the bus stop. Invite friends round (for you and him).

That’s a really good question op and something I’ve been thinking about myself so thanks for posting this.

Im not an anxious person at all. Nothing really bothers me, I’m confident and pretty happy.

I have a relative though so this is looking from the outside in. Not judgemental, but observational.

This relative displayed anxiety years ago when we didn’t know what anxiety was. Described as “highly strung”.
She raised 2 children. A most lovely, loving, kind and doting mum, her kids were her everything. They had a lovely childhood.

Kids are grown up now. Successful with lovely lives, all very close.

Her anxiety was around cleanliness, soft furnishings were faded due to the volume of cleaning, house always immaculately clean, nothing out of place. There was a rug no one could touch or walk on so you had to kind of jump over it or try to skirt past it I recall.
kids clothes were immaculate and matched down to fine details.
They were hovered over when eating, drinking, playing, with friends, family.
She would stop them eating a meal so she could re arrange the food on their plates to make it “neat”.
Toys were put away the second they were put down.
If anyone asked either child a question ie “what year are you in at school”, she would answer for them ALL THE TIME. They didn’t even bother speaking as it happened constantly.
If we now go out for a coffee or a meal, she takes our plates from in front of us and stacks them ready for collection… even when meal or coffee is not yet finished. She constantly wipes the table with a napkin even when there is nothing there.

Fast forward to now. One has OCD, (diagnosed) health anxiety, depression, anxiety, eating disorder and social anxiety.
It was like an unfolding slow moving film playing out in front of me.
I can relate every MH issue the son has to everything that happened growing up.

There was no abuse, no neglect if anything those kids were over loved. They were adored.
Without knowing it you do influence them.

I don't think you have done anything wrong. Who knows at 2 1/2 whether it is anxiety or whether he is just going through a particular phase. I also think we can inherit temperaments that are more sensitive, meaning we can react to the world differently than someone who has a more robust temperament. The orchid v dandelion theory is interesting. It sounds as though your son is getting along fine at nursery, which is great. Trying to overcome your own anxieties will be the best way to role model for him going forward.

I think children do pick up on fears and anxieties. I would say there is a direct correlation between the number of wipes per hour and anxiety in toddlers/young children.

All of my friends who hover with a wet wipe to clean up anything the moment there is food on hands etc have anxious children or those that don't like mess. Those that are relaxed around mess generally have relaxed kids.

It's something I have been very conscious of as I have a lifelong mental illness that comes with a chance my daughter will inherit it from me. I do my best to mimic good mental health wellbeing even when i don't feel it myself.

We have a book called starpuff about a baby dragon that needs it's owner to conquer her fears for the dragon to be brave and conquer it's fears too which is quite good

Little kids pick up vibes and yes you probably have projected onto him. But it’s ok, he is young enough to turn this round and if he is happy and settled at nursery he is probably going to be fine.

I’m wracked with guilt :(

i can turn it around can’t I? Hes 2 and a half so I can make a it r he doesn’t get this

im trying my best to be confident its so hard but i am trying because its lately ive noticed this

bht yes he is very confident at nursery and happy maybe as he sees those kids regularly ? He very routine based he loves his routine so maybe its anything out of routine that’s upsetting him too

bit i am trying I dont want him to feel anxious its awful

Does anyone have tips how I can help him I know I need to be better with my anxiousness but today like we went the park before tea time and he was getting nervous at the dogs

so i said “only good dogs are allowed in the park they’re all good” and id say hi and wave to them and tell him how clever they were with their ball/stick etc

he slightly warmed

To them after this

Mirror the behaviour response you want.

If you see a dog in the park don't tense up, it will be noticed.

I would try to be relaxed and let them know they only need to get as close to the dog as they feel comfortable with. Watch from a far and talk about what the dog is doing. Look it's just sat with his stick and look his owner is right there with him. Shall we start on the swings you can see the dog but he's not near you. Do you think the dog has a name? What's a good name for a dog? Oh look how happy he is wagging his tail.

I would do some role play at home about how to be around dogs or anything else that's scary or anxiety provoking. Lots of children have fears and anxieties. The trick is to walk them through them so they can put the fear into context and they don't get overwhelmed by them.

@gemsx you can absolutely turn it around as you have done fantastically well to even ask yourself this question. Please also dont be too hard on yourself as it’s absolutely possible this is ordinary little kid behaviour, many young children go through phases like this. But being aware as you go forwards will give you confidence to make good choices around your little one.

Yes, u need to deal with yr known so they don’t end up the same.