If you have an ~ 3 year age gap between DC…

[Get1nTheSea]

…Please tell me this is the worst bit!?

DC1 3y10m
DC2 12m

I didn’t find the first 8 or so months of DC2 that difficult. He just came with us for the ride.

Then DC2 pulled up and cruised. Then he started walking around holding hands. Then he started walking between furniture. He’s like a Duracell bunny. He wants me to walk around with him all day. He’s happiest at home practicing his movement or bothering the cupboards.

Meanwhile DC1 wants me to sit and play trains or shops or cafes or Lego. Or he wants to go places that largely render DC2 trapped in the pram or the sling.

The two are just not compatible. When they are together someone is always crying it seems!

Please tell me this is the worst bit!? Please tell me this will all come good in the end??

Unfortunately I can't tell you but wanted to send solidarity and will read with desperate hope interest as I have a 3y3mo and a 6mo and it is fucking hard at the moment! The older one takes the day shift and the younger one takes the night shift and I'm so knackered 😭

Your DC1 will be starting school in September presumably? So it will get a lot easier then.

2y 3m age gap, they're 6 and just about 4 now.

3 and 1 nearly killed me. The only bit that's been harder was when eldest was a newborn with silent reflux.

You're properly in the trenches now, it will soon start to get continually easier (and you'll have more patience for the second toddler as you'll be getting more sleep).

@Darcy86 oh Lord don’t even get me started on the sleep. DC1 was largely sleeping through by now. DC2 not so much

@Overthebow embarrassingly DC1 goes to pre school 9-3 3 days per week as I would lose the plot having them both at home all week! Those 18 hours are heaven!

We have exactly your age gap. What saved me was tiny playgrounds where I could have eyes on everyone at all times, and also making friends with a mum with exactly the same age gap so one of us could be on baby duty and one of us with the preschoolers. Not sure how helpful that is!

unfortunately that was the easier stage for me. It’s 3 and 6 that’s tough but eldest is sen so that makes it harder. Until the youngest hit 3.5 years it was fairly easy.

I have around 3.5 year between mine and the past year has been hard (currently 3.5 &7). They bicker alll the time. I thought as they got older it would get easier but not so far..

We have a 2yr 11mth gap, and DD2 has just turned two so we're a year ahead of you. I would say it has definitely got easier the last few months. They actually play together now which is a big help.
Obviously it may well get harder again but recently it's seemed like we've been in an easier stretch.

Must depends on the kids because I thought you were going to say older ages! Haha.

There's pros and cons to all their age periods really though. Mine are 6 and 2.5 (3.5yr age gap) atm. Great together sometimes and adore each other, but also fight a lot now.

I would say this is the hardest bit, yes. The next year or two are the hardest then it will get easier.

I think it depends on their personalities and likes/dislikes. I have 3 and my eldest and youngest are 3.5 years apart, the other pretty much bang in the middle, and some days it is a breeze and they all want to go biking or do the same thing. Other days I get pulled in 3 different directions. The gap seems less as they get older but their needs can still be quite notably different.

My gaps are 2y4m and 2yr9m and I’m so tired I could cry 😩

Hahah well yes I am aware this is mumsnet so I was waiting for someone to come along and tell me they find their 41 and 43 year old DC just as hard as the baby/toddler stage!

To be fair I think it’s largely due to DC2. He’s equal measures divine and feral. DC1 (inherently quite lazy) moved about a tenth as much as DC2 does at the same age. DC2 is not a fan of any kind of baby imprisonment device either and is very focal in his protests

I think it depends on their personalities and likes/dislikes. I have 3 and my eldest and youngest are 3.5 years apart

@LeedsZebra90 I feel physically ill just thinking about this. You are wonder woman!

I have 2 with a 3y2m.gap. age 4 and 1 was a pretty happy time for me, as I love the under 5s stage and liked taking them to music classes, stay and plays, soft plays etc. Eldest was in nursery 4 mornings, which helped, and then in school, which was even better! They are 6 and 3 now, which is good, although eldest is too old for under 5s things now and youngest too young to do other things. But eldest can be dropped off to most things, so I'm rarely dealing with both dcs on my own.

3 years 2 months between my DD. They're late teens now and the age gap has varied in how it's affected them over the years. At times they've seemed a more similar age in terms of what they are interested in and at others miles apart. DD1 is a student now and just done her first year away after a foundation year at the local university so the gap seems bigger again.
Reading between the lines OP but are you a little shocked by DC2 after DC1 was an "easy" baby and toddler? I was lucky that DD2 was much easier than DD1 so a pleasant surprise rather than a shock.

Reading between the lines OP but are you a little shocked by DC2 after DC1 was an "easy" baby and toddler?

I wouldn’t say DC2 is harder although I suppose it could read like that. DC1 was actually a very grumpy, high crying baby and was/is a pretty emotional, easily hurt toddler. But he was relatively static and cautious

DC2 is pure sunshine, literally the happiest baby I’ve come across…but also regularly seems to want to kill himself with his antics!

@Get1nTheSea I think by the sounds of it the types of things that is causing you most issue ATM with DC2 will improve as they age and develop more understanding, and language skills. By the time the youngest is 2.5 they should be able to play properly together sometimes too which really helps at times, and is a joy to see too.

In terms of where to take them, it was a different kettle of fish for me as my DC has some physical conditions and didn't walk until he was 21m. This caused other difficulties for me when being out with the both of them at that age, as you can imagine. Anyway in terms of where I took them on my own at the ages you describe:

• Parks with gated playgrounds
• Family and friend's houses, even better if they had small kids so the house was more baby-proofed and/or there was a child to play with and occupy the eldest.
• Reciprocate the above
• Play cafe
• On weekdays I would take them to church playgroups
• Local library

On weekends with DH around too we would also go:

• Museums
• Other libraries
• Art galleries
• Larger parks further away
• Farms (the kind with kids activities etc of course haha)

3 years 2 months age gap and I had a 4 and 1 year old during the first Covid lockdown and was trying to work from home so…! I remember finding 5 and 2 really hard. To be honest, I’d say it’s getting slightly easier now because they’re 8 and 5, but only because DS2 is now old enough to give it back so he often winds DS1 up in return, whereas before it just felt like DS1 was picking on DS2 and I had to leap to his defence all the time. Now they bicker and fight like mad but I can leave them to it a bit more with DS2 being older.

3 year age gap and eldest is now 7.

4&1 was by far the worst. Even a lockdown newborn and 3yo was not as bad as 4&1.

I'm a teacher and I couldn't wait to get back to work for a rest after those 6 weeks!

6&3 was lovely, 7&4 is shaping up to be nice however the 4yo is less amenable and distractable but 7yo is useful.

2yr 5 month gap- 3y10mths and 16mths

I am finding this time particularly exhausting. I can look after one of them very easily but both is a difficult combination. Like you say, the activities they want to do are not compatible and it’s exhausting managing that. DD1 is always getting cross with DS2 for taking her toys. Crying and shouting etc…it’s very relentless

BUT they are also very cute together and love each other and have some fantastic times playing together.

I have a 3 year age gap. My eldest is 5 and also have twins who are 2 next week. There are times when it's hard because the 5 year old loves arts and crafts and then the twins ruin it all or draw all over the sofa in felt tip pens!

But there are also times when they all play together- hide and seek, dolls, dancing. Also when in a good mood 5 year old loves being the caring big sister and will help climb in playground/soft play, eat dinner etc.

But guess its different for all.