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Looking for reassurance

1 reply

Sunnyskies105rocks · 07/06/2024 19:53

I’ll try to make this as short as I can.
My son is 4. We live abroad, here kids go to kindergarten from aged 3 to 6 and the groups are mixed aged.
In my sons group there are only two other boys his age, one he is friends with and the other not.
There are 4 boys in the group who are a year older and another four who are a year older again.
The oldest boys mostly just play among themselves, and in September they won’t be there anymore as they will go to school.
Of the middle aged group two are nice and two are, I’m sorry to label, but they are nasty. The other younger boy (same age as son, who is not friends with my son) has become a part of this nasty boy clic, I think because the two mums are friends, and whenever we are at a party or get together outside the kg these three boys seem to pick on my son. They tell him is he not allowed to play etc. The other younger boy who is friends with my son is never at these events. And the other nicer older boys just don’t say anything and so in that sense they just go along with it. My son gets upset and I get upset, and what really upsets me is that the parents don’t say anything. I can’t understand this. They are Italian just for context.
I also feel really uncomfortable at these events and wondering if it is even worth continuing to attend. I get the feeling that these two mums of two of the “nasty boys” don’t like me for some reason.

So why am i writing all this.
I would really just like some reassurance. How can I get out of my head and stop worrying what these other mums think of me?
How much are these things going to affect my son, and will it get better in September when my son is no longer the youngest?
Also one of the nasty boys with the nasty mum (sorry for the labels, just for ease of reference 🙈) will be going to a different kg this year, so there will just be the one nasty boy a year older and the one the same age.
The nasty boy the same age has his birthday 2 days before my sons so I am already wondering how that will pan out, I really don’t want to become a comparison (from me or from my son) on whose party is best or who has the most friends.
And should I keep taking my son to these occasions or should I just choose the ones that are birthdays of the kids he is actually friends with?
I am sorry it’s so long, I felt the context was necessary. I am really at my wits end, I am just so preoccupied with all this stuff it’s really playing on my mind all the time, and he is only 4!!! Help please! Thank you!!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
SudExpress · 08/06/2024 13:54

Ah, the old scuola Materna mixed class.
I remember it well.
I think all you can do is encourage friendships outside of the class group, unfortunately lots of Italian mothers (and this is a true generalisation) make it their life's work to organise friendship groups.
When they get to elementare, the parents will research which Maestra is the most quotata and do their damnedest to get their kids into her class. Ditto media. It is what it is sadly. Tends to ease off by liceo.
If there is any excluding going on inside school, make sure the Maestra knows.
And look on September as being an opportunity for your son to make friends with the newbies.

Good luck (from Puglia)

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