3 year old terrified of dogs.

[MotherOfDragon20]

My 3.5 year old DD has always been a sensitive wee soul and had some fears throughout the years, hoovers hand dryers etc but it is manageable and always passes fairly quickly. But this is different. She’s never really liked dogs or any animal for that matter (no dogs in the family and never really been around them) but out of no where she has become completely petrified when she sees one. Full on screaming, begging to be picked up, shaking with fear. Her fear seems to be around being licked by them. I’ve explained that when dogs are on a lead they can’t come near us, that I won’t let a dog lick her if she doesn’t want that etc, that she doesn’t need to go near them etc but I’m getting nowhere. I’ve also showed her videos on YouTube of dogs playing with kids and kids laughing etc to try and show her dogs are mostly kind and we don’t need to be scared of them but she actually tenses up when a dog comes on the screen so that’s not working.

Im sure it is just a phase that will pass but my real fear if that her reaction (screaming!!) could set a dog off if we were in a park and a dog is off a lead.

it’s getting to the point that going to the park is just a nightmare as there are obviously dogs being walked and god forbid one off a lead (which I really don’t think they should be in a kids park, but obviously can’t control other people).

anyone any experience of this and any advice?

I understand this must be a frustrating and scary situation for both you and your daughter. It's great that you're being so patient and supportive of her fear. Here are some tips that might help:

Acknowledge her feelings
Let your daughter know it's okay to feel scared. You could say something like, "I see you're scared of that dog. It's okay not to like being licked; some grown-ups don't either." Validate her emotions and avoid dismissing her fear.

Start slow
Instead of videos, try children's books with friendly dogs. You can also look for dog safety programs for kids at your local library or online. These programs often use puppets or pictures to introduce dog body language in a non-threatening way.

Focus on control
Practice what to do if she sees a dog on a walk. Role-play standing still and saying "no thank you" in a calm voice if a dog tries to lick her. Explain that most dogs on leashes are under control and won't come near her unless their owner says it's okay.

Positive reinforcement
When she's calm around dogs (even pictures or videos at first), praise her bravery! A sticker chart or small reward can be a great motivator.

Seek professional help (if needed)
If her fear is really intense or interfering with daily activities, consider talking to a therapist or child behaviorist who specializes in phobias. They can create a personalized plan to help her overcome her fear in a safe and controlled environment.

Park Strategies

• Try visiting parks when there are fewer dogs around, like early mornings or evenings.
• Look for parks with separate fenced areas for dogs so you can enjoy a dog-free space.
• Plan a route or location in the park where you can go if you see a dog off-leash. You can also bring a toy or activity to distract her if needed.

It might take time for her fear to subside. Be patient and positive, and focus on small victories. Most importantly, prioritize her comfort and safety during walks.

My very young at the time ds had his buggy attacked by a dog that was being walked in a pack with about 5 other women (the woman thought it was HILARIOUS her dog attacked the buggy wheels and trilled out "Talk about childhood trauma! Hahahaha!". Wanted to deck the fucking bitch right there but obviously had my poor little lad to console. SInce then and for years after he was utterly TERRIFIED of all and any dogs. I had to teach him how to behave around dogs (we would often on our walks have off lead dogs come running up to us/jumping up on him/me/trying to lick him etc), basically freeze, don't run, don't move, I'm right here to protect you, the dog is doing this because of this reason etc, just explaining the dog's behaviour calmly, reassuring him etc. He's now 11 and it took years but he now knows to be wary but it's ok, he's fine, no need to worry. We even got another dog ourselves and made sure to get one who was super friendly etc, so he loves her now and althgouh he knows you can never fully trust any dog, she's helped him get over his fears a lot.

Do you have any friends who have calm nonlicky, very obedient dogs?

Start of having conversations about the dog in her earshot. Act natural, don't include her in the conversation, just make sure she can hear. Funny stories, comments how sweet he is.

The arrange to run into them at the park. Don't tell her beforehand. When the hysterics start, tell her gently but firmly to calm down, its ok, he's not coming near you if you dont want him to. Resist the urge to pick up. Its really hard but don't reinforce the fear by 'rescuing her.'

Mummy needs to speak to Wendy, wait over there on the swing, away from the dog. Take her there if needed. Have a brief, 60 second chat with Wendy, with the dog sitting quietly beside you, pat it on the head and part ways smiling.

Continue about your day with no comment.

Arrange a few more chance meetings with the dog. Get her used to the idea that she is in control and can choose to wait at a distance without the dog coming over or being forced to interact.

Eventually after several months of these run ins, try to get her waiting nearer. Start meeting places where she can only really get a metre or two away and let her realise that the dog has been told to sit and will obey and isn't interested in her.

Again after a long while, once she can stand close by without panicking and a degree of trust has been achieved, engineer a situation in which Wendy needs you to hold the lead for a second. Hand him back without comment and stroke him on the head, tell him good boy. Let her see you interacting positively with him.

Eventually you would ideally work up to her holding the lead for a second and praising him and eventually to touching him but right now just focus on the standing nearby without meltdown stage and showing her positive interactions between you and the dog.

As for the fear of being licked, I have theory. People often use the phrase 'don't worry, he's friendly, worst he'll do is lick you to death.' Has she heard this and taken it literally?

Maybe would be worth letting her see you petting and being licked by a friendly dog. Let her see that nothing happens, it's just a bit gross.

Thank you this is really helpful!

the role play thing is a great idea, she loves role play and we’ve used it for other things like dentist, vaccinations etc and it’s worked really well, so we’ll definitely give that a go. Likewise books etc. Thank you.

Don’t really have any friends with dogs unfortunately but I’ll definitely keep it in mind!

tbh I think my dad might have inadvertently contributed to this phobia. Obviously there’s been a lot of stories in the press about dangerous dogs and it’s really got to my dad. He absolutely worships my daughter and looks after her a lot, I know he gets quite anxious if he’s out with her and there’s certain breeds in the park and would occasionally leave if he felt uncomfortable so I think she’s picked up on it. Not going to blame him though he really loves her and is just a bit over protective.

God I’m sorry that happened to you, must have been terrifying! Some people are just very irresponsible. Maybe I’m biased because I’m not a dog person but just because they love their dog doesn’t mean everyone else must, and certainly don’t want random dogs approaching us!

My daughter developed a fear at age 5. We thought she would grow out of it and she didn't. We've tried everything and nothing works. She's 16 now and will not go anywhere where there are dogs, it takes over her life. I wish I'd done more when she was younger to try and help her. My advice is don't leave it and think she'll out grow it because it just gets worse.

My daughter started this around 2.5 years old, now 3.5 and getting better - will let them near her. Completely normal, it's just a phase. The really detailed reply above is spot on! Just reassure, cuddle and be there - it will go inb time.

I have a very similar sounding 4 year old and it's only in the last few months that he's started to be more comfortable with dogs. What really did the trick was meeting a friend's very sweet, gentle, elderly shih tzu. He was scared of her at first but we got him to help put water in a bowl for her, and some pieces of ham which he watched her eat from a safe distance. Then gradually we got him comfortable with going for walks with her and let him hold her lead. All these things gave him a sense of responsibility, which he responded to really well. It wasn't an overnight fix but he's so much less reactive than he was. Hard to engineer though if you don't know anyone with a placid little dog who'll let you practice!

Oh I sure do!! One day I took mine to 2 different country parks when she was 5/6 but she wouldn’t even walk through the gates of either of them due to how many dogs were in there, quite a few off lead. Same thing, screaming to be picked up annd clinging hold of me like n genuine fear. Ended up going to usual tiny play park where dogs can’t get in. She was like this for years, just absolutely petrified, mainly because a dog was allowed to jump up at her once, despite me asking to walker to give her space, she still allowed her dog to get too close. I ended up taking her out with a friend who had a choc lab and is always kept on the lead so she could be around a very well trained dog and reallise they aren’t all the same, so that she would start warm up to it, then also went to their house and by the end of the day, she wouldn’t leave the poor dog alone! Then very slowly after that, she started getting used to smaller dogs, now she will approach (with permission from owner of course!) bigger dogs, but only if they are calm. She is 11 now, still has a bit of a fear around larger bouncy dogs, but in general loves them, so that process really worked for her. Might be worth a go if you have a similar friend in your life?

My DS was also terrified of dogs until a close friend got a Labrador puppy that was tiny and so cute. He was a similar age to your dc and they bonded instantly, he then got a lot better with dogs. Obviously not an option but it might be worth asking on facebook local pages or nursery, neighbors etc if anyone has a puppy that she could meet with?

My daughter isn't scared of dogs but she's been scared of various other things in her life.
Unfortunately I don't think there is a way to logically reason with a young child not to be scared. It's almost like a built in instinct, or a response to something no matter how big or small.
I totally understand that it's frustrating but I think it's just something you need to ride our and deal with when she's older and able to access her "rational" brain a bit more.
I would continue with the gentle exposure to dogs ie. Videos, talking about them positively. But not in a way which is trying to convince her to not be scared. Just planting those seeds.
Her internal alarm system is developing and learning how to respond and actually imo its better she doesn't push her inner alarm system down as it will serve her well in the future. Instead she should listens to it and trust what her body is telling her to feel, but add reason and logic to it as this becomes developmentally appropriate.

Depending on where you are in the country you can take them to cynophobia classes. My daughter went to one for about a year. They have dogs that have been checked to be calm (therapy like dogs). They walk them round the room with leads, brush them etc. This worked so well.
Before she would have run towards roads to get away or climb up my Mum on one occasion. She's still wary of dogs and doesn't like it if they bound over to her. But she is more calm. Good luck

Check out KAD kids around dogs https://kidsarounddogs.co.uk/

You can work with a trained professional using a tried and tested protocol to help your child overcome her fears x

Good luck ....my son is 9 and he's been petrified of dogs since he was 3 when I dog of a leash ran up to him and made him fall over and it licked him. That day has ruined everything for him as a child because he will not play outside, he doesn't like going anywhere incase there's a dog and panics to the point he will run onto the road with oncoming traffic than walk on the same path as a dog. We've tried everything.
I'm now quite an angry parent to any dog walker who comes anywhere near my kid with their dog. We don't tolerate any dog wondering over to us now as they are not welcome and I put my kid first.

My middle DD was jumped at by two loose dogs when she was 3, after that we had to cross roads and go different routes etc. Not terrified but very unhappy about any dog. In the end after about 3 years, we decided to get a dog ourselves, we did research together, looked at dog breeds for temperament etc. agreed we would go to a reputable breeder "just to have a look" and came home with a beautiful Irish Setter puppy who she bonded with and we were all devastated when he passed a couple of years ago. This may not be for everyone, but it worked for us.

Another great resource to build confidence around dogs https://www.learnwithdogstrust.org.uk/building-confidence/

My little one is scared of dogs too and it’s really hard. Whenever I feel like we are starting to make progress there’s a dog that comes bounding over trying to jump up or lick us (even in kids playgrounds as you have said). Every time, I guarantee the dog owner will be saying a version of “Oh don’t worry he won’t hurt you”/“don’t worry she’s just trying hello”/“don’t worry he won’t bite you” whilst this is happening. They seem oblivious to the fact that not everyone is a dog lover! Things that have helped are exposure to dogs (through videos, soft toys, stories about nice dogs, saying hello to calm dogs on leads).