Why is bedtime so painful??

[NatalieH2220]

I used to have a good bedtime routine. Changed a bit when DS2 came along but still ok.

Now 3&7 and it has all gone to pot. It takes hours and driving me crazy.

Both up to bed around 6.30/7pm. Teeth and stories with 3yo whilst eldest reads. then i go in to my eldest to read him stories and ideally then leave them to it.

we get the flurry of i need a wee, drink, different blanket. if i go downstairs youngest will cry saying he's scared so i end up coming up and staying with him but he has slowly become more of a faffer and takes ages to fall asleep. on the rare occasion he falls asleep quickly my eldest then wants to me to stay with him as i 'never do'.

I'm lucky to be back down by 9pm.
DH gets home around 8pm, we've tried swapping but they get hyped up as not seen him all day and takes even longer to settle.

Any magic tips or tricks?

I gosh I feel the same with same age children; I used to have bedtime down to 45 minutes and they’d be sound asleep but recently I’ve realised all has gone to pot and I’m not done until nearer 9.
I’m finding it hard to adjust to 7 year old having a later bedtime and I feel like I’m up and down the steps a lot. I was thinking of putting an audio book on to listen between rooms as a last part of the routine but not sure if that’s adding to it

Went through what you're going through with your youngest with our eldest at that age.

What worked: I would do bedtime routine then when she was in bed I'd iron / fold clothes / work on laptop just outside her bedroom. She occasionally asked for something but I honestly think the wees, drinks and cuddles are reassurance you're still there.

After about a month of this I gradually moved my ironing board / laptop and piles of clothes to fold to my bedroom so she knew I was upstairs with her but couldn't see me. Agreed I'd pop and check every 15 mins until she was asleep.

This was really handy as it was during my second pregnancy and it meant I could relax on my bed for an hour with my book and not talk to anyone!

It's not perfect but they're so little and all they want is you.

Maybe an age thing then! I did consider an audio book but didn't want it to make bedtime even later...

Yes I think a lot of it is reassurance which is why I end up staying with him as it avoids the back and forth which I find more frustrating

I might try sitting outside the room and gradually retreating, thanks!

Sounds like the bedtime needs to be slightly later. Sorry, I know that bit of time when they go to sleep is much bloody needed😅

I would do different bedtimes, there's quite a gap between 3 & 7. You could do the showers / baths together, then send the 7 year old back downstairs to read. Be firm with the 3 year old, set the rules and stick to them. Leave a audio story on after your stories and make it clear you won't be back in. They will be able to hear you getting the 7 year old settled and doing their stories so they know you are around. Set a time you want it all finished by and make it happen!