Toddler pulling out own hair

[AluckyEllie]

My 2.5 year old daughter pulls out her own hair to the extent she is almost bald on half of her head. She sucks her left thumb so it is always the right hand pulling- so right side of head and the top has very thin hair of varying lengths. She twirls her hair as a comfort thing- started as a comfort habit going to sleep, then when stressed/ nervous/ bored. It’s been going on over a year now. We’ve tried ignoring, distracting, telling her no, moving her hands away. We tried a doll with hair to pull. We put baby oil on her hair to make it too slippery ( that just made the hair clump together and she pulled bigger chunks out.) We’ve tried hats/clips/scratchsleeves.

It looks awful now- thin and scruffy, varying lengths and bad condition where it’s ripped rather than cut. Does anyone have any suggestions? I’m thinking of putting hair gel or mousse on to make it harder for her to grip and doing that solidly for a month to break the habit. My husband says she’ll grow out of it but I don’t know if it’s permanently damaging hair regrowth and I do see parents and other kids noticing it. Especially as she gets older I don’t want other kids noticing or commenting on it making her feel bad. Any advice?

Does it help if its tied up in a bobble and gelled into place?

Sounds really difficult especially seeing as you've tried so many things.

Hiya,
just wondering if you found a solution to this? I’ve got a 19 month old who is doing the same thing and I’m struggling to find any advice to help this,
I hope you managed to get this sorted as I completely understand how hard it is to deal with when you feel like you’ve exhausted all options 😣

How short is her hair? Would a very short hair cut help?
There is a name for pulling hair out - can't remember it. It's obviously an unconscious habit now and she's a bit young to reason with.

Trichotillomania. It’s an anxiety response. I would speak to the GP.

It sounds like you’re facing a tough challenge with your daughter’s hair pulling habit. This condition, known as trichotillomania, can be difficult to manage, especially in young children.

You've already tried various methods, such as distractions, oiling her hair, and using hats and clips, but without much success.
It might be helpful to consult a pediatrician or child psychologist who specializes in habit disorders. They could offer new strategies or suggest behavioral therapies suitable for young children. Introducing new activities that keep her hands busy, like playdough or building toys, might also help. Positive reinforcement for not pulling her hair and providing emotional support can make a difference too.

Additionally, an occupational therapist could help address any sensory issues and develop alternative coping strategies. Instead of focusing on punishment or negative comments, which might worsen the behavior, try to emphasize positive reinforcement and praise. Meanwhile, consider a hairstyle that minimizes the appearance of uneven patches while you work on changing the habit. If the behavior continues or worsens, seeking professional guidance might be necessary to address both the habit and any underlying issues.

My then toddler dd pulled her hair out during the first lockdown. It was a response to things going on around us ( we had recently had some non- pandemic related family issues)

We clippered her hair , and bought her a wig to pull on . It stopped her pulling her own hair , but it took years to break the wig habit.

@Cm95 It is kind of sorted. She pulled it so short there was nothing to pull so she started pulling her dolls hair ( a small baby Annabelle.) She’s 2.5 now and lots of the girls at nursery have pretty hair bows and clips which she wants. We tell her if she pulls her hair they’ll be none left for this. I have noticed her hair twirling again now it’s long enough and just hope we can distract her.

Also, I did mention it to the health visitor at 26 month review. She wasn’t concerned because she could be distracted, she wasn’t pulling her eyelashes out or other childrens hair and wasn’t eating it. She felt it was more a habit like nail biting or thumb sucking and although annoying was harmless. She did say if she’s still doing it in a year or becomes very fixated to contact them again.

You have my sympathy, it’s seems so silly but I really struggled with it! Especially when she would pass me a clump of curls. Seems my DD was similar to @Mairzydotes , the hair had to be really short so couldn’t be pulled anymore and alternate offered (wig/doll.) Totally get it if you don’t want to do that though!

Eating it is a common misconception about trichotillomania - only some people do it. Pulling eyelashes and eyebrows likewise.

It also can’t be managed by distraction, keeping your hands busy or positive reinforcement. It is an impulse control disorder - a mental illness brought on by a need to cope with stress, anxiety or depression - that needs medical intervention.

Talking about bows and bobbles won’t help because she can’t stop no matter how much she wants to.

In adults the treatment is anti depressants and CBT. I don’t mean to sound negative but you can’t jolly her out of this. She needs paediatric mental health involvement and the sooner the better.

I’ve been doing it for 35 years and like most people, I don’t respond to treatment. The sooner you get help the higher the chance of success as the habit and change in brain chemistry will have less time to establish.

@AluckyEllie really pleased to hear that she seems to have stopped, it’s so hard to deal with isn’t it, and almost feel like you get the usual ‘it’s hair it’ll grow back’ comment thrown about and I know this but it doesn’t take away how upsetting it can be watching them pull all their lovely hair out 😣
I went to see the health visitor about this also and was told very similar, just to distract and that it’s common and they’ll grow out of it, it’s just a shame there’s not an instant fix though!
i think I’m going to need to try the doll next as we’ve not exhausted that option yet, she seems to do it in waves though, she’ll have a bad few days then not touch it for a week and you think your in the clear, then your suddenly handed hair again, I’m sure we’ll get there!
thank you for your message x

@StormingNorman I’m unsure if your post was supposed to be helpful or if you wanted to cause further stress and worry to parents. I understand your dealing with this and have done for a very long time, but as previously stated professionals have been asked and they are not at all concerned because it’s a normal behaviour in toddlers and they usually always grow out of it sooner rather then later. I don’t think it’s fair to say a 2.5 year old or a 19 month old or any age of parents that may be reading that their little ones have a mental illness and that they are coping with stress, anxiety or depression. I don’t personally feel like my 19 month old is any of the above

@Cm95 yes I totally get how hard it is, and how silly you feel. My daughter had lovely curls and it’s growing back in much straighter which I’m also sad about 😂. She also does it in waves, but I do the same with habits like nail biting. I’ll absentmindedly do it once and then my nails will be super short so I won’t for ages. The worst spell coincided with her baby brother being born so there’s an element of anxiety/self soothing- like biting nails before an interview or something.

We put the doll beside her at bedtime and if she twirls her hair we just say ‘use baby’s hair’ and put the dolls hair on her hand. We did use these sleeves with mittens on (sleepsleeves I think they were called) but she could still grip the hair. I’d say it lessened the amount she could pull out but didn’t help in the long run as she almost needed it all gone cold turkey. I read threads on here about kids growing out of it and I found it so unhelpful but I think unfortunately sometimes you just have to wait. It sounds like a habit/comfort in both our kids rather than compulsion so hopefully one day they’ll have hair to their waists!

It is a comfort mechanism. It’s also a mental illness and needs medical intervention.

@AluckyEllie Ah interestingly our little one seemed to start doing it more when her little sister was born, we initially put it down to wanting attention as she’d only do it when looking at us, but it then shifted to doing it at night / nap when ducking her thumb. She does seem to have gotten a little better again this week but I know that doesn’t mean it won’t come back again, I’m debating cutting the hair she hasn’t pulled as she’s currently just got half a head of hair 😩 just feel so sad and gutted about it, but I know it’ll grow back. Just need the self soothe part to stop now.
I have debated those sleeves but part of me feels guilty, like she sucks her thumb if I put those sleeves on her I’ll be taking that away and it makes me feel bad
I can only hope one day we can look back on this time and laugh for being so stressed, but until then we’ll keep trying to muddle through 🫠

I have a friend whose toddler daughter did this. She had long hair so the decision to cut it very short was a difficult one but it worked along with the provision of lots of things to keep her daughter’s fingers very busy- fidget / sensory toys etc

habit was broken quickly and hair was back in what seemed a v short space of time

good luck with whatever u try x

@Cm95 know this is an old thread but did it get better with the thumb sucking and hair pulling at night and nap? My daughter is the same, I bought her sleeves but she struggles to settle as she can't get to her hand to suck and she's now up multiple times a night 😩 just wondered if you kept going without sleeves? I tried her without last night and she slept great but handfuls of hair got pulled out again 😭

Is the hand she sucks her fingers with the same she pulls hair? My toddler only pulled with right hand and sucked left fingers so I cut the mitten on the left hand so she could still do that.

It did get better, she doesn’t do it anymore. People told me she’d grow out of it and she did even though it felt like forever! She now twirls a dolls hair instead and her hair is growing back in evenly (which I was worried about- she was almost bald, it was very extreme.) She’s now 2 and 8 months, I’d say she hasn’t done it for about 4 months now. I feel for you though, I found it so hard. I also worried what other people would think which was silly. I really hope she stops soon for you.

@AluckyEllie thanks so much for the update. I'm so pleased your daughter has stopped pulling, that gives me hope. It does feel like it will never stop and I know what you mean about worrying what other people think, makes me sad that one side is really thin and don't want people to ask questions.

My dd seems to pull with both hands unfortunately, although only sucks her left hand. She seems to pull then put her hand in her mouth then twiddle with the right hand. Good idea cutting one hand off the sleeves, I might try that as she does seem to pull more with the right hand.

I've got a doll with hair arriving tomorrow so hopefully that helps.

Making me so worried and I'm not sleeping even when she's asleep which is silly but I'm constantly checking the monitor to see if she's doing it!

@Panda34 hiya, firstly so sorry you are going through this because as @AluckyEllie said, it’s so hard and you can’t help but worry about outside opinions. We have had some questionable comments from people unfortunately ‘are you anxious at home’ etc which just makes you feel so crappy!
I wish I could say I had a solution but we are just riding the wave right now and holding out hope that as others have said they grow out of it, Ive bought her the size bigger pj tops and altered the cuffs and sewn them together, I then cut her a thumb hole so she could still suck her thumb if she wanted to but she wasn’t happy with her thumbs out of the holes so we gave her a dummy, I wasn’t sure if this would be a mistake because did we really want to be starting her with a dummy at the age of 20 months, but she’s now adapted really well to having her hands tucked away and having the dummy but doesn’t often use it anyway. It was a happy inbetween and she now obviously can’t pull it with her hands tucked away, but also doesn’t try to pull it during the day or in the car because this was another issue we had to deal with. I’m hopeful that over the coming months it’ll just be a distant memory, her hair is growing and we are putting coconut oil in it weekly to try help it along, my fingers are crossed for you that this passes soon 🤞🏻

Hi @Cm95 sorry you're still going through it but glad she's not doing it in the car or in the day now and sounds like your adjusted pjs are doing the trick. My dd seems ok in the car for now too (touch wood) as to start with she used to pull chunks out in there too. Just at night we have the issue, I also tried to introduce a dummy out of desperation but she's just not interested!

It is definitely crap when people are suggesting they're doing it because of stress, I really think that's not the case at all and it's purely a comfort thing but hate that other people seem to judge.

Praying they both grow out of it soon! Do let us know if you have any breakthroughs 🙏🏻

She’s got trich. See the GP and don’t be fobbed off. A lifetime of misery awaits otherwise.

@Supersimkin7 comments like this are not needed, thank you

@Panda34 we will get there! I feel very much the same as you, you can tell it’s a comfort thing rather than it being an ‘issue’ as stated below (helpful).
Hopefully you can adjust the sleeve and she will happily sleep with access to her thumb too 🤞🏻